Stepmonster Quotes

“Stepmothering arises from, and cannot be disentangled from, loss. In all senses—etymological, historical, and social—the stepfamily experience is sutured to, inextricable from, the experience of mourning.”
― Wednesday Martin, Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do – An Honest Guide to Complicated Emotions for Women Married to a Man with Children

“First, keep activities with teens one-on-one (dad and child, or stepmom and stepchild), since whole-group activities are bound to activate a teen’s urge to opt out or act out and to underscore insider/outsider dynamics as well. Minimize “all of us together” activities in spite of your urge to be the Waltons. Second, keep activities “shoulder to shoulder” rather than “eyeball to eyeball.” Puzzles, movies, and baking projects allow you to be with your teenage stepchild yet have a focus other than relating directly to each other. Finally, remember that time apart as a couple is all the more imperative for the woman with teenage stepchildren and her partner—and just retreating to your bedroom at night doesn’t count. A weekly date night can give the couple much-needed rejuvenation and relief.”
― Wednesday Martin, Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do – An Honest Guide to Complicated Emotions for Women Married to a Man with Children

“As it turns out, there are actually several ways to be in a marriage to a man with children. Some presage better outcomes. Some are not so much stepmothering styles as reactions to specific circumstances and experiences. But in general, researchers seem to have discovered that who we are, who his kids are, and who the other players in the remarriage scenario are all help determine whether and how we will act as stepmothers.”
― Wednesday Martin, Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do – An Honest Guide to Complicated Emotions for Women Married to a Man with Children

“The National Stepfamily Resource Center, or NSRC (formerly the Stepfamily Association of America), a consortium of stepfamily experts and a clearinghouse of helpful information for stepfamilies, actually urges therapists and other professionals in the field to avoid the term “blended family” precisely because it engineers such unrealistic expectations and elicits feelings of failure and guilt.”
― Wednesday Martin, Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do – An Honest Guide to Complicated Emotions for Women Married to a Man with Children