Curious? Quotes

“Our moods change constantly and thus our ideas about the past change with them. As for the future, it remains unwritten. Anything can happen, and often we are wrong. The best we can do with the future is prepare and savor the possibilities of what can be done in the present.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Rather than be encouraged to learn about ourselves and our interests, we are more often taught how to make decisions about what to do with our lives as early as possible so we won't waste time achieving our goals. Pick an academic major, choose a career, and start a family. Whether our interests are squelched isn't important. What's important is to "make something of yourself," "be able to support yourself," and "realize that life is more than just having fun.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“When we are open to new possibilities, we find them. Be open and skeptical of everything.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“We put off engaging with the new for a future day. But what are we waiting for?”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity creates possibilities; the need for certainty narrows them.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“You are going to be dead a long time, and only have a brief period of time to feel, to do something meaningful, to do something that matters. Imagine your own death. Even though we might not like to think about it, there is nothing we can do to prevent it. It's inevitable. Picture the engraving on your tombstone after decades of sticking with your current routine. On your tombstone is a single paragraph about the life you led. It talks about your personality, your accomplishments and contributions, your missteps and failings. What's it going to say? If you keep doing what you're doing, are you going to like what it says? What don't you like? What do you like? What becomes your life story? We are talking about your legacy, your mark on the world.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“If I waved a magic wand so that you were guaranteed a lifetime of being accepted, loved, and admired, what would your life be about? What do you stop (now that you no longer worry about what others think)? What are you going to do differently? If your quest would be different, then it’s time to begin the journey of your true self. Keep asking these questions over and over again to ensure your purpose is an outgrowth of your own interests.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“As Tibetan Buddhists remind us, “If we take care of the minutes and moments, the hours and days will take care of themselves.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“I wake up with the hope this day is even more uncertain than yesterday. It’s the unknown that we live, breathe, and move in all the time thinking it is the known. If a life can be a series of perpetual surprises, that’s the most joyous experience you can have.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Play is curiosity and joy in a blender.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity creates possibilities; the need for certainty narrows them. Curiosity creates energy; the need for certainty depletes. Curiosity results in exploration; the need for certainty creates closure. Curiosity creates movement; the need for certainty is about replaying events. Curiosity creates relationships; the need for certainty creates defensiveness. Curiosity is about discovery; the need for certainty is about being right.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“STEP 2: Get together with your partner and compare the two lists. Take note of which items show up on both lists. Create a master list containing those items. STEP 3: This step has three parts. First, think about some activities that are similar to the activities you found exciting and are possible for you to do, and add them to the master list. Second, be on the lookout for new, novel activities that you believe both you and your partner will find exciting, and try them out. If your instincts were right, add them to the master list. Third, consider incorporating activities that intrigue you that you might ordinarily pass up because you feel they are too childish or have a potential to be embarrassing. Stretch by allowing yourself to feel some anxiety. As you discover new, exciting activities, add them to the master list. STEP 4: Engage in one of the activities on your master list for at least 11/2 hours every week. Add spice to these occasions by being sure to select examples from your master list of the three different types of activities discussed in step 3. After all, even the most exciting thing will start to feel mundane if you do it over and over again, and sometimes it takes a few tries before you and your partner find activities that are the right fit for you. Treat this 11/2 hour period each week as a very important appointment—don’t skip it unless you absolutely must.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Exercise 1: How to Invigorate Your Relationship with Your Romantic Partner STEP 1: Privately, each person should think about time spent with their partner. Without talking about it, each of you should make a list of the shared times together that could best be described as “very pleasant” or “exciting.” Think about things you do at home, for work, in the community, for leisure, on vacation, or anywhere else where you did something with your partner that made you feel excited. For instance, think about when the two of you: Went to a concert or a club Played or watched a sport or games of some kind Shopped Learned a new skill Talked Volunteered Solved a problem Took care of other people, animals, or things Went to a spiritual or religious event/workshop/meeting Played music Had sex (the more details, the better) Worked out Relaxed Spent time in a different environment than you are usually in (beach versus mountains, suburbs versus city, noisy versus quiet, teeming with people versus sparsely populated) Engaged in strenuous physical and/or mental exercise Joined an organization that you both believed in Pursued a hobby Worked on the house, the yard, the car, the boat Cooked new recipes Went to the movies Sat in the same room and did your own thing, like read, did needlework, or worked crossword puzzles Planned the family budget Took a class Something else (the sky is the limit—add any activities that fueled you)”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“As the adage goes, “the juice is worth the squeeze.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. —Ralph Waldo Emerson”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“When it comes to romantic relationships, some couples might need a therapist to guide them. Note, however, that the research findings and insights in this chapter are very different from what many couples want from therapy. Many couples want answers. They want to reach a sense of certainty and closure. They want to be able to predict their partners’ every move because it releases them from feeling anxious and uncomfortable. They want to be absolutely certain they are going to stay together and work it out. That might work if you are interested in staying together and couldn’t care less about the quality of your time together.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Dale Carnegie in his 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, “you can’t catch fish with strawberries and cream.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“We might use the following guidelines: When waking, what am I seeing that I overlooked before? When talking, I am going to remain open to whatever transpires without categorizing, judging, or reacting, I will let novelty unfold, resisting the temptation to control the flow. When walking outside the house, I will gently guide my attention so I can be intrigued by my every bodily movement and whatever sights, sounds, and smells are within my range. I will assume or presume nothing except that novelty exists everywhere. With this mindset, every single gesture is guided by openness and curiosity.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“There are three steps to applying the lessons of this experiment to our regular lives: Very simply, choose something that is unappealing to you. It could be listening to speed metal or free jazz, going to a wine-tasting event, or reading Victorian poetry. Take part in the activity, but instead of doing it as is, search for any three novel or unique things about it. Write down or talk about what you discovered with someone else. Like the research participants, you’ll find you carry this open-minded interest with you in subsequent days and weeks.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“curiosity was one of the five most highly associated with Experiencing overall life fulfillment and happiness Taking satisfaction from one’s work Living a pleasurable life Living an engaging life”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“A hyperfocus on seeking security, avoiding distress, and sticking to a comfortable routine lessens one’s curiosity and, in turn, satisfaction and meaning in life.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Those college-aged youngsters identified as very curious in later adulthood had several characteristics in common: They had rich emotional lives filled with both positive and negative feelings (further evidence that negative emotions are not “bad”). They were actively searching for meaning in life (this included questioning authority and dominant, widely accepted ideas). They didn’t experience themselves as being restricted by social norms. They chose careers that gave them opportunities to be genuine, authentic, independent, and creative.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity is what Buddhist scholars are talking about when they refer to the “unborn Buddha mind” or “beginner’s mind.” Bankei Zen was talking about seeing things with fresh, open eyes as if for the first time.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Lack of curiosity is a breeding ground for: Stereotyping and discrimination, that in the extreme leads to hatred and even violence Inflated confidence and ignorance that leads to poor decisions Dogmatism and rigid thinking, which is the opposite of psychological flexibility”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Unfortunately, there are costs to working hard to feel safe, secure, and confident. We often end up shutting down our search for information too early in the process. In essence, we quickly become close-minded. We protect our beliefs even when they might be wrong. If someone shares our views, we praise them; if someone questions or challenges our views, we criticize, attack, and discount them.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity is about discovery; the need for certainty is about being right.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity creates energy; the need for certainty depletes. Curiosity results in exploration; the need for certainty creates closure. Curiosity creates movement; the need for certainty is about replaying events. Curiosity creates relationships; the need for certainty creates defensiveness.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity serves as a gateway to what we value and cherish most. We can reclaim the lost pleasures of uncertainty, discovery, and play from our youth.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“When people can’t handle their partner’s periodic requests for privacy or their random bursts of anger and anxiety, they resort to extreme measures (aggression, breaking up) instead of working through normal relationship snafus. When you try to stop your partner from doing things you don’t approve of, when you start prying and spying on your partner, when you start avoiding things that make you uncomfortable, then you prevent them from being free and autonomous. Partners learn that it’s better to hide and conceal than pay the price of revealing things that might make you uncomfortable.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life