Lion Down Quotes

“The zebras have been very jealous of all the attention the giraffes are getting and decided to kill them all. But since they don’t have opposable thumbs, they had to hire a chimpanzee as the hit man.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Mountain lions don’t eat pandas,” I said. It probably wasn’t true, but I was trying to be reassuring. “Why not?” Pete asked. “They don’t like Chinese food,” I said.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Plants,” Kevin replied, like maybe I was the dumb one. “That’s what giraffes eat. They’re harpsichords, you know.” “You mean herbivores?” I asked. “Right!”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Walter had gone on to add that it was “a stupid, moronic, and idiotic law.” (Ironically, he had managed to misspell all three insults—“sutpid, morronic, and iddiotic”—attesting to who the real stupid, moronic idiot was.)”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Charlie Connor, the actor playing Kazoo the Koala, was bowled over so hard that the head of his costume flew off. While small children shrieked at the sight of their favorite cartoon pal getting beheaded, the head rolled away and took out the actor playing Zelda Zebra.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Hysterical guests were overturning everything that got in their way. Buffet tables were upended. Landscaping was trampled. Porta-Potties toppled with unfortunate guests inside them.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“The chimp was still too afraid to descend from the lighting grid, but he saw Lincoln as a threat to Mom, so he dropped his tuxedo pants and urinated on him.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“I grabbed a thick sheaf of animal welfare pamphlets and whacked a turkey with them as it lunged through the window for me. (I was aware of the irony at the time, but I didn’t care; the turkey didn’t seem concerned about my welfare at”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Somebody save me!” Putterman cried. “It’s trying to eat me!”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“That’s a woman!” I exclaimed.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“he had bought a large ranch in the Texas Hill Country (“where real Americans live”)”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“It’s not too long until our wedding. Hope to spot you there.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“framed the lion would have had to do something like”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“penguins. Yes, they were cute, but all those birds generated a lot of poop, and penguin poop reeks.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Mason Mason?” Summer asked. “Really?”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“guy.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Marge wasn’t unattractive,”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“A wallaby is probably the most gentle animal that exists, but Putterman didn’t know that. I certainly wasn’t going to take the time to tell him. In fact, I did the opposite. “Careful, Putterman!” I yelled. “Wallabies are vicious and bloodthirsty!” “And they can smell fear!” Xavier added. Putterman wailed in terror as the adorable little creatures bounded to his side and sniffed him.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Dashiell and Violet,”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“The third fish was the largest one yet, a bluefin tuna that appeared to have been tossed in with the other fish by mistake.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“it sounded like someone was killing a goose.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“how hot it was outdoors right them,”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Kids, this is my husband, Mason.” “Mason Mason?” Summer asked. “Really?”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“The llama didn’t seem the slightest bit fazed by all the activity around it. Instead, it ambled along happily with its keepers like an exceptionally tall labradoodle.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“No matter how ridiculous a statement Lincoln made, Walter would happily reiterate it—even statements that Lincoln had quickly admitted were mistaken, like his suggestion that the best way to get rid of old nuclear weapons would be to detonate them.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“He had been busted several times for underage drinking, public urination, and sneaking into the backyards of famous people to use their swimming pools. Often, he was busted for all three at once. Walter”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“It felt somewhat like being in a zombie movie, only instead of our car being attacked by mindless brain-eating humans, we were being attacked by mindless, hostile barnyard animals.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Putterman had a bizarre hatred for animals. He often remarked that “the only good animal is the one on your plate.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Pete Thwacker and the lawyers bought off the family and the biker couple with offers of ten years’ free admission to FunJungle, three complimentary nights at the FunJungle Safari Lodge (redeemable at any time), and vouchers for $500 worth of free food and FunJungle merchandise”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down

“Teddy doesn’t care,” Summer said. “We talk about poop all the time.”
― Stuart Gibbs, Lion Down