Jock Rule Quotes

“Hell, I think I fucking loved her the second I saw her. Period.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Her arms snakes around my middle, hugging me, body pressed so tightly against mine it’s as if we were one person. “Your skin is so warm. God you feel good.”
God you feel good?
Those are sex words, those are sex words, my body screams, even though Teddy isn’t being sexual—is she?
Nope. She’s snuggling me, for fuck’s sake.
Unless she’s not?
No, she definitely is.
Or maybe she’s not?
Shit, shit, fuck my life.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Do you need a goddamn puppeteer to help you figure out what to do with yourself? Someone to tell you what to say and do?”
“You’re being dramatic. I’m not that bad.”
“Yeah you are. You need a…” I search for the word, Snap my fingers in the silence. “Hairy godmother.”
“A what?”
I’m a fucking genius is what I am. “Hairy godmother. Like a fairy godmother, but a guy.”
Honest to God, I just made that shit up, right now, on the spot.
Clever asshole that I am.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Maybe I’m finally sick of being alone all the damn time.
Maybe it’s time to let someone else in, someone I didn’t know I needed until I met Teddy.
Funny how the universe works, isn’t it? Shit drops on you when you’re staring at the sky, wondering what to do with your life, and sometimes it’s just what you fucking need, right when you need it.
Teddy is that something I needed.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“My whole bottom half is going to have the equivalent of carpet burn, I just know it—but it’ll be worth it.
I grasp at his shoulders as his elbows push against my knees, holding me open.
“You’re so wet,” he mumbles. “You taste so good—I’m going to be able to smell you for days.”
Uh…thanks?”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Rule one: if you’re going to date one of these guys, you can’t be a pussy.”
I’m sorry, did he just say…the P word?”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Shit drops on you when you’re staring at the sky, wondering what to do with your life, and sometimes it’s just what you fucking need, right when you need it.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Let’s just agree to disagree, okay? I don’t need to justify why I’m not into dating, and you don’t need to justify why you don’t like touching yourself downtown.” “Oh my god.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“They’ll warm up in no time if you let me just…” I feel her toes hit the side of my calf muscle. I pull it back. “This isn’t a slumber party, Theodora.” “You think this is what girls do at slumber parties? Tickle each other with their toes?” She laughs. “You are so far off.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“My eyes narrow. “If we’re both able to veto rules then what’s the point of having rules?” “If you’re the only one who can veto rules, what’s the point of me helping you? You’re not the freaking president.” “Oh my god.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“I waste no time. “Rule number two: the five-foot rule.” His pen hovers. “Five-foot wh…what is this nonsense?” “I don’t need you breathing down my neck. Five feet is close enough for you to stand while we’re in public.” “How can I instruct you from that far away? It’ll look strange with me stage-whispering from five feet away.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“What do you mean, you don’t know how? Everyone knows how—you put your hand down your pants, move it around, and boom, orgasm.” Sounds like she needs a tutorial of Masturbating for Dummies.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“My dick is so stiff and hard it’s painful and becoming unbearable.
I get to have sex with my girlfriend.
I am having sex, motherfuckers!
I try to curb my enthusiasm, but it’s hard.
Really hard.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“I’ve almost never been this excited in my entire fucking life. “I’ve been training for this moment.”
Teddy laughs, a high-pitched giggle of nerves. “Would you knock it off?”
“Nope, can’t—too excited.”
“You’re supposed to be quiet and serious.”
“Why? I want to be loud and bang the headboard into the wall.” I hop a little on the bed to illustrate my point, bouncing Teddy’s tits in the process.
Win-win.”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule

“Fine. I’m curious, all right? Sue me. You’re this giant of a guy, who must be—”
She stops herself.
“Spit it out, Teddy. Stop hesitating.” It’s driving me nuts!
“Fine! You’re this giant of a guy who must get…excited a lot. There, happy now?”
“And by excited you mean…”
“Horny, okay?” The words burst out of her. “Thank god it’s dark, my face is on fire.”
Yup. I made her say the word horny, and she sounds horrified, and it’s perfect.
“And you’re not? Horny?”
“Uh…when would I have the time? And please stop saying that word—it’s awful. It’s worse than the word moist. Or squirt.”
She hates the word moist? What’s wrong with the word moist?”
― Sara Ney, Jock Rule