TINSA Quotes

“Distorted thinking: Distorted thoughts occur when we are reacting unconsciously. Triggers cause the person to “make things up.” Here previous wounds are brought back to life and appear as if they are happening in the present moment. The unconscious limbic and reptilian brains do not think; they simply react, and their reaction takes us out of our frontal lobe, and the nonthinking but reacting unconscious brain engages. This brain reminds us just how poorly we are treated, or how unjust it is that we work so hard and our partner denies us sex. We can also hear that we deserve to unwind, that our actions aren’t hurting anyone, or that all men do it. Our thoughts become dissociated from our thinking brain, and these thoughts bring on all justification and rationalization. Again, the unconscious brain ignores all possibility of consequence. Our distorted thought comes in to justify our regulatory behaviors. We begin to close down and return to our self-regulation.”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction

“Beginning with our desired state of life, we explain what life is like when we are operating primarily from our frontal lobe and our ventral vagal nerve is operating optimally. We all wish to feel peaceful and calm as well as present and aware. We wish to get along with others and have a sense of connection and belonging. When “in our foundation,” we feel warm, open, calm, receptive, connected, engaged, present, happy, hopeful, expansive, tender, confident, powerful, safe, trusting, optimistic, positive, creative, playful, and valuable. We possess the ability to socially engage and form intimate bonds with those we love. The frontal lobe is the key to our regulation and to these attributes, for only here do we have any real conscious ability to change our reactions through conscious choice, reason, problem solving, impulse control, and spontaneity. Our frontal lobe makes us human, allowing us to bargain with our instincts instead of automatically acting on them.”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction

“Addicts live more in their unconscious, emotional, and instinctual brains than in their frontal lobe or social engagement system. When the limbic and reptilian brain take over, the conscious brain turns off and the brain is hijacked, so we are not thinking—we are just reacting. This is why we do not worry about consequences when we are active in our addiction, because only the thinking brain has the capacity to worry. The limbic and reptilian brain just react to threats. Addiction is a dissociative disorder; when we are partaking of the substance or doing the behavior, we are not functioning optimally out of the fully evolved part of our brain. This is why when our partners ask, “Weren’t you thinking of me?” the honest answer is no. When we act out, conscious thought is turned off, and everything else is out the window, including loved ones and consequences.”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction

“In his book Healing Trauma, Peter Levine states, Trauma is about loss of connection—to ourselves, to our bodies, to our families, to others, and to the world around us. This loss of connection is often hard to recognize, because it doesn’t happen all at once. It can happen slowly, over time, and we adapt to these subtle changes sometimes without even noticing them. These are the hidden effects of trauma, the ones most of us keep to ourselves. We may simply sense that we do not feel quite right, without ever becoming fully aware of what is taking place; that is, the gradual undermining of our self-esteem, self-confidence, feelings of well-being, and connection to life. Our choices become limited as we avoid certain feelings, people, situations, and places. The result of this gradual constriction of freedom is the loss of vitality and potential for the fulfillment of our dreams. (2008, 9)”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction

“Vulnerability plus authenticity enables intimacy. Since sex addiction is defined as an intimacy disorder, it is not surprising then that the two most common characteristics contributing to the formation and progression of sex addiction are wounds to an individual’s innate vulnerability and expression of authenticity, both of which can threaten a person’s capacity to be intimate.”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction

“Whatever the case may be, if a parent cannot provide what is needed for a child’s system to fully develop, the child may be left with no other option than to begin searching for his or her own way to regulate and express emotions. And this is the breeding ground upon which addiction can begin.”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction

“The attachment figure is intended to be the source of joy, connection, and emotional soothing,” according to Daniel Siegel (2017). “Instead, the experience of the child who develops a disorganized attachment is such that the caregiver is actually the source of alarm, fear, and terror, so the child cannot turn to the attachment figure to be soothed.” Because attachment is linked to attunement and being adequately cared for as a child, attachment without attunement is not enough for optimal development. Proper development and the process of attunement have very little to do with having the right clothes, enough food, or adequate shelter. Instead, attunement is the ability of a caregiver to adequately and consistently respond to the child’s nonverbal cues for attention and regulation. It means that our nonverbal responses and distress cues are met appropriately. It is something that occurs between a caregiver and a child that has to be consistent and positive and constant.”
― Michael Barta, TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction