Better Sex Through Mindfulness Quotes

“as long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than there is wrong, no matter how ill or how hopeless you may feel,”
― Lori A. Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire

“Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy encourages patients to observe thoughts as “passing events of the mind” rather than something that needs to be attended to or believed. So often when we have a troubling thought, it leads to another one, which in turn leads to another one, and before we know it, several minutes (or hours or weeks or even months) have elapsed.”
― Lori A. Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire

“Sarah and the seven other women in the group were introduced to mindfulness with a simple exercise. Each woman was given a raisin, along with the following instructions from the group facilitator. 1.Observe the object. We are going to refer to this as an object, even if you recognize this and immediately know the name of it. By calling it an object, we are encouraging you to encounter this object as if for the first time. 2.Take note of its shape, size, color, and contour. 3.Notice how the light reflects off its surface. 4.Smell the object, taking in the various aromas. 5.Notice how your body responds to those aromas. 6.Lift it to your ear. 7.If you move it between your fingers, does it have a sound? There was a long pause between each instruction as the women lifted the raisin to their eyes, nose, and ears. The group facilitator continued, again with long pauses between the instructions. 8.Put the object against your lips without opening them. 9.Notice how it feels. 10.Notice if your mouth or body starts to react to having it there. The group facilitators could hear the women salivating as they anticipated putting the raisin in their mouth. 11.Now put the object in your mouth and roll it around with your tongue. Try not to bite it. What sensations do you notice? This can be a sharp example of how your mind anticipates something, and reacts physiologically to it by preparing for it. After another long pause, the facilitator continued. 12.Eventually put the object between your back teeth and slowly and deliberately take one bite. Notice the explosion of flavors. Can you decipher the different flavors? Can you observe where one flavor ends and the next one begins? 13.Then, very slowly chew into the object and follow the trajectory of its contents as they move down your esophagus. Notice the aftertaste and the echo of the aftertaste.”
― Lori A. Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire

“The technique known as cognitive challenging, which is a hallmark of CBT, involves challenging beliefs that may trigger anxiety or that may result from feeling chronically stressed. CBT consists of a structured set of steps in which you are first encouraged to identify beliefs or thoughts that are associated with anxiety. When you are feeling stressed or anxious, you may have a whole constellation of anxiety-related thoughts. Step 1 is to focus on one particular thought, such as “I fear that my partner will leave me unless I have a good sexual response.” In Step 2, you are asked to analyze the validity of that thought by considering such factors as whether it is true, how logical it is, and what the probability is for it to be true. In this step, you also consider the evidence supporting the thought. In Step 3, you would examine counter-evidence to the thought by asking yourself the following questions: 1.Is there another way of looking at this thought? 2.Is there another explanation? 3.How would someone else consider the same situation? 4.Are my beliefs based on my emotions rather than on facts? 5.Am I setting unrealistic or unachievable standards for myself? 6.Am I forgetting relevant facts or overemphasizing other ones? 7.Am I engaging in all-or-nothing thinking? Once you consider the evidence for the particular thought and the evidence against (with the against evidence far outweighing the for evidence in most cases), you then come up with a thought that is a more accurate reflection of reality and probabilities. This new belief will replace the original maladaptive belief you had.”
― Lori A. Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire