The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist Quotes

“Give yourself permission to be strong. To stand up to people. To go after what you really want. You have permission to not always be nice. Instead, be picky about who you spend your time with. Give yourself permission not to accept poor treatment anymore, from anyone. You are allowed to fully be yourself. We need strong people with a heart like yours. Be the person you would want looking out for you.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“One way to know for sure if someone is genuine is to pay attention to the signs of your body, what you are feeling inside.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“They may look lovely, act put-together, sound confident, say nice things, but your stomach rolls in warning. Something is off with this person. I encourage you to listen to that above all else. You now know people can put on the most convincing act and be completely different from the front they are showing. This is a very useful thing to know in life.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“I trust my discernment now more than ever because I am paying more attention to how I feel around someone, more than to what they are saying and how they are acting.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“A covert narcissist is in some ways a more dangerous abuser. I say this delicately. All abusers are horrific, and all abuse is deplorable; all victims of all types of abuse have been through a tremendous amount. I don’t want to diminish anyone’s pain. The point I’m trying to make is when someone is hitting you or yelling at you it is clearly abuse. Covert abuse is hidden and so subtle, it is far from obvious. Manipulative, covert tactics not only hurt you, they also chip away at your identity, your self-worth, and make you feel like this is all your fault. Covert emotional and psychological abuse is what happens in cults. Leaders who make you feel loved can also talk you into committing suicide. These people are powerful. Do not diminish what you have experienced. You have been controlled and manipulated for years.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“It is easy to diminish what you experienced because no one hit you physically or sexually abused you. It is common for victims to wonder if they are blowing their experience out of proportion or overdramatizing it. They often see themselves as the one to blame. This is what the CN wants. They do things to distract you and throw you off of seeing the truth. So many victims stay quiet because they don’t feel they have the right to call it abuse. It is such a strong word that we generally associate with bruises and visible scars, with yelling and screaming.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“The truth is this relationship never meant the same to them as it did to you. You approached it from a genuine, goodhearted, loving place. They did not. They acted like they did, but it wasn’t genuine. The reality is they have enormous issues and have projected them onto you for years, making you think you are responsible for things that have nothing to do with you.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“It is important that you know this was abuse. You thought it was love because they acted like it was; said it was. The truth is you are a survivor of abuse. You have no physical scars, so it is easy and common to underplay what you have been through, but the reality is you are a victim and survivor of psychological and emotional abuse.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“The CN will make it very clear they are done but won’t take any action to end the marriage because their reputation is their number-one priority and they don’t want to look like the bad guy/gal.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“It is so easy to believe the CN is telling the truth because they act so confidently. They can sound so reasonable, and you are used to trusting them. The thing is, they are professional liars. Your body, on the other hand, is an accurate barometer that will always tell you the truth.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“The discard phase is excruciating. It is also extremely confounding, to say the least. You saw your CN as one person for years, and now you see someone you don’t recognize, someone cruel and unfeeling. Your head is spinning, and your heart is devastated. You’ve never experienced betrayal, hurt, and confusion like this before.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Words and actions that appear loving contrasted with demeaning and devaluing messages, whether straightforward or subtle.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“CNs often use passive-aggressive means to punish you when you do not behave in ways they want. Sometimes they will give you the silent treatment, act as if they didn’t hear you, or be distant when you long for connection. They will pull away and starve you of attention and affection. They will do things to inconvenience you, disrupting your life in some way.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“CNs will throw strong statements at you that make no sense and have no basis in reality, but they speak in such a strong and convincing way it makes you consider things that are obviously false.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“One of their ways of controlling is taking no personal responsibility and putting the fault on you for their bad behavior.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“CNs do not respect you. They do not care about your feelings. They have a lot of rage and no empathy. They only care about themselves. This is the bottom line.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Blindsided, shell-shocked, and baffled are some other ways to describe this time when the CN cuts you off quickly and heartlessly.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“The CN paints a false reality and says things about you that aren’t true, but you question yourself, wondering if they are right because they sound so confident and act like they know more than you, and you feel like you can’t think straight. They twist your words and confuse you with strange thinking. This leaves you questioning and doubting yourself constantly. You feel weak, confused, and fearful about your future. You feel alone.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Most likely, the discard phase will feel like the most confusing and painful betrayal you’ve ever felt in your life. The person you have loved for years and who you believed loved you back is now saying the cruelest things—things you would have never imagined possible. They treat you like a child, “teach” you, punish you, and tell you how you should behave.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Covert narcissists seek out certain types of people. They look for people who are kind, authentic, self-reflective, nurturing, loving, and caring people with a conscience. They look for energy supplies. Without these attributes, the narcissist has no use for you, as their manipulative tactics wouldn’t work.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“All the nice acts make you question negative thoughts you have about them. You end up turning on yourself, thinking something is wrong with you. Why can’t I just relax? Why can’t I enjoy and appreciate her/him like everyone else seems to?”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“It is the hardest and most foreign thing in the world to consider that someone who “cares” about you and treats you so well in so many ways is also sabotaging and controlling you.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“They will also devalue you by letting you think something is your fault when it is actually their issue. This is called projection. They project what is true about them onto you and you end up taking the blame without even noticing. The emotional needs of the victim are not of importance to the CN. Only the CN’s desires, needs, or priorities matter to them.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“It is very common for a CN to leave their spouse with all or most of the responsibilities of life.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“It is easy for them to manipulate you into thinking you are being selfish and inconsiderate.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Brad told Dawn how this affected him. He had needs, and she wasn’t fulfilling them. She felt terrible. Even though this all started with her feeling used because her body, her intuition knew she was being used, it turned into her taking the blame for their diminishing sex life, feeling a heavy burden of shame and guilt, and believing something was wrong with her.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Dawn’s body knew she was not being loved and that she was not emotionally safe with Brad, so her body shut down. She lost all desire for sex.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“She would continue to share with him how she felt over the years, but nothing ever changed. CNs aren’t interested in looking at their own issues or changing any of their behaviors.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Sex is one of the most powerful ways a CN controls their victim. When you have no desire for sex and can’t figure out why, you feel bad that you are letting your partner down. They will let you know in various ways how much you are letting them down. They won’t worry about you, what you are feeling and your struggles. That is not a concern to them because this relationship is not about you, or even the two of you—it is about the CN. When”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

“Rhonda told me her mom would give her “compliments laced with shit.”
― Debbie Mirza, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse