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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

4.35  ·  Rating details ·  307 ratings  ·  39 reviews
Covert narcissistic abuse is the most insidious type of narcissistic abuse.
When most people think of a narcissist they think of someone who is grandiose, obviously self-absorbed, sees themself as superior to others, and throws fits of rage when they don’t get their way. But what if the narcissist is one of the nicest people you’ve ever met? What if they are a great
Kindle Edition, 230 pages
Published December 22nd 2017 by Safe Place Publishing (first published December 6th 2017)
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Average rating 4.35  · 
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 ·  307 ratings  ·  39 reviews

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Maxine (Booklover Catlady)
If you want to know if someone you love, your partner, boss, parent, sister is a Covert Narcissist THIS book can’t be missed. This is the best book I’ve read from many on the Covert Narcissist.

It’s written in plain non-psycho babble wording. It outlines everything you need to know from traits to specific techniques of abuse and cycles this Narcissist puts you through. I broke a cardinal rule for this paperback...

Shock! I underlined and highlighted everywhere! With a pen! Arrest-able offence I
Apr 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Perfect! It was hard for me to find information that's helpful to someone who wasn't in a romantic narc relationship, but was dealing with a covert narc family member. Very informative, helpful, eye opening, and heartfelt. Really helps to kick your brain out of the long term narc programming. I definitely recommend that readers do the exercises in the last chapters. Thank you, Debbie for writing this book!
Passenger B.
Said to have been written about covert rather than overt narcissists this book addressed a few important distinctions but actually never contrasted them. I knew the distinctions from my previous textbook and research but I doubt too many others do.
It was also posited that narcissists and psychopaths are very similar. Firstly, careful with the distinctions between psychopath, sociopath and antisocial personality (disorder), these were also not explained but all lumped in together.
Something that
Jul 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Finally, this sub-group of narcissist addressed.
Jessica Powell
Aug 10, 2018 rated it it was ok
Meh... honestly it was nothing earth shattering and in fact, it felt WAY too cheerleadery when it came to addressing the victims of CN. The whole chapter on who becomes victims of a Covert Narcissist was nothing but "they are amazing, smart, intelligent, caring...blah blah blah people." That is NOT helpful Debbie, unless you're a victim wanting to stay in a victim role when it comes to these types of personality disorders. Yeah people who have suffered at the hands of a CN may be amazing BUT ...more
DianeK Klu
Feb 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Another book that I wish I had of read 20 years ago, but I am so glad that I read it now.
Dec 29, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Perfect eye opener. Complete guide to recognize and deal with your covert narcissist .
Khan Ashraf  Alif
Dec 21, 2019 rated it it was ok
Shelves: psychology
Connection with readers/consumers is important yet being a professional; It's crucial not to drive people to paranoia. The contents and inputs are fine but the constant addressing from the author felt probable cause of damage.
Aug 11, 2018 added it

~Covert narcissists are likeable to the outside world; they appear to be giving, humble, and kind. Image is the most important thing to them. . . they rarely change because narcissists blame others because they usually don't think they have a problem.~

~Narcissists are deeply unhappy people. They get jealous of you when you are experiencing life and happiness.~

~She would get frustrated with her teenage kids when they didn't understand her process and wanted them to be more enthusiastic about her
Karie Husted
Jan 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Eye Opening

I have been reading and reading and reading everything I can get my hands on concerning NPD. This is definitely one of the best books. Very insightful and encouraging.
Sep 17, 2019 rated it it was ok
this took me a little while to finish. debbie mirza seems like such a sweet person (who has been involved with her share of covert narcissists ) but idk. something about the writing of this book didn’t resonate with me.

it was very...vague. like ‘michelle and dan had a fight. dan did x y and z, michelle felt x y and z.’

i know that debbie did a lot of interviews for this book and she put a lot of work into it, but it was written very...juvenile-esque if that makes sense. it didn’t pull me in at
Oct 20, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
2.5 stars. At the outset, I was excited about this book. It addresses the narrow subset of emotionally abusive tactics that I want to understand, and it starts off promising. Sadly, it turns out to be repetitive and needlessly judgy/indignant. Although this book does provide some useful info, it is not empowering. The attempt to validate survivors by providing story after story of abuse leave me feeling more triggered and agitated. The constant cheerleading affirmations are also too voluminous ...more
Sep 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An exceptional book. Informative, broad in it's scope. It was so important, I ordered a physical copy in addition to my Kindle copy. I am following this author.
Jul 12, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Helpful book. I found some spelling and grammatical errors distracting.
Anna Maria
Apr 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I have read many psychological books written by 'supposed' experts in their chosen field. This was written by the lady who suffered at the hands of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. She writes it clearly in small chapters dealing with different issues that surround these evil, manipulative people. I was enthralled by every word. I could say to myself 'Yes that happened to me' etc. I took notes to reinforce that I become stronger, and remain that way. I would describe myself as a ...more
Aug 30, 2019 rated it liked it
I don't know if it is because I have no personal experience with CNs or because I am used to listening to books written by researchers, but this book felt like it was missing something to me.

I understand that it can be a valuable resource for people who have been in relationships with narcissistic people, but I found that the book contained many statements without proper 'authority'. I read this book out of academic curiosity and I find that I haven't learned much. Most of this book is
Lisa Thomson
Debbie Mirza lays out the personality of a covert narcissist perfectly. If you are going through a separation, are married to this personality type, this book would be extremely helpful in assisting you in understanding the intricate and deep wounds the narcissist is capable of dishing out. Specifically, if your spouse has cheated on you and discarded you, Debbie provides the sympathy and empathy you need now.
My only criticism of this book is it doesn't deal with the individual who decides to
Lucinda Gauthier
Jan 14, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I have been doing research online about CNP for a while now, but this is the first actual book I have read about the subject. I really wish I had picked up this book 20 years ago. It really hit home as I was reading it. I thought I was crazy and now know that I am not. All of the stories that are in the book are the exact same stories that I lived through in detail, as if I was the narrator telling my story. For months I wondered why he chose me as his next victim, as quoted in this book, "They ...more
I may write a longer review about this book at a later time, but I'm mostly using this book as a reference alongside other books on the same topic. I thought it was a wonderful, empathetic, and well researched resource. It covers so many types of relationships and issues relating to people who are narcissistic and healing from the type of abuse that the covert passive-aggressive narcissist inflicts upon their victims. Mirza's narration of the audiobook really brings it home, and she cites many ...more
Sep 24, 2018 rated it did not like it
I was very interested in the subject, but the book was very repetitious and poorly written and had several glaring grammatical problems. That turned me off. Also, it is hard for me to believe that every victim of a narcissist is an absolutely wonderful human being and better, in fact, than most people. Surely, some less than perfect people must be subject to attacks from narcissism. The author, who is obviously very sympathetic to victims since she was one herself, goes out of her way to build ...more
Aida V Alberro
Jun 15, 2019 rated it it was amazing

As I read through this book, I was amazed by the literary description of how I’ve been feeling for so long. Even though I can’t relate with every single experience, the over-all theme of the book and specific traits described resounded very deeply in my personal experience with a CN. Thank you to the autor for the care and love that so clearly lead her to create this eye-opening book.
Apr 02, 2019 rated it it was ok
A really important topic and some helpful distinctions and strategies for identifying and responding to covert narcissists. However, this book was not put together with very rigorous research. It uses definitions from the dictionary. People are described as bad or good, instead of complicated. The anecdotes were pretty superficial and no section went deep enough in a systematic way. It was too much of a self-help book as opposed to a study on covert narcissists.
Nov 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Narcissism isn’t just about the obvious classic portrayed persona. This is must-read if you are struggling with a relationship in your life, yet can’t seem to pinpoint the issue. Maybe you are missing the emotional support you need, but can’t figure out why when things on the surface seem fine. Use this to dig deep. Very educational and gave me a new lens to use.
Lynn Tait
Oct 28, 2018 rated it did not like it
Sorry, nothing I didn't already know here. Mostly geared to marriage and love relationships. Just skims the surface on work, family etc. relationships with CPANs. Far better books out there on the subject.
Nov 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very enlightening and eye opening book that I learned a lot from. Hoping this helps me move forward in life. It's helped me at least get to a place of some acceptance of reality that I found difficult before.
Deborah Fisher
Sep 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Very well done. Good information that is not widely known or talked about. An informative and quick read.
Keith Holding
Sep 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing
We all need to grow.
Brittney Bingham
This book is a gift! If you suspect you’re being emotionally abused by a covert narcissist, this book will set you free!
Tara Pietrzak
Jun 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing

This book really hit home. I relayed to the stories and it helped provide clarity and understanding to my own journey.
Amy Jo
Apr 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is the best book I have read yet that explains the one I have been married to for 22 years. A great read for answers on narcissism and help in healing.
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