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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse

4.31  ·  Rating details ·  568 ratings  ·  69 reviews
Covert narcissistic abuse is the most insidious type of narcissistic abuse.
When most people think of a narcissist they think of someone who is grandiose, obviously self-absorbed, sees themself as superior to others, and throws fits of rage when they don’t get their way. But what if the narcissist is one of the nicest people you’ve ever met? What if they are a great listen
Kindle Edition, 230 pages
Published December 22nd 2017 by Safe Place Publishing (first published December 6th 2017)
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Average rating 4.31  · 
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 ·  568 ratings  ·  69 reviews

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Maxine (Booklover Catlady)
If you want to know if someone you love, your partner, boss, parent, sister is a Covert Narcissist THIS book can’t be missed. This is the best book I’ve read from many on the Covert Narcissist.

It’s written in plain non-psycho babble wording. It outlines everything you need to know from traits to specific techniques of abuse and cycles this Narcissist puts you through. I broke a cardinal rule for this paperback...

Shock! I underlined and highlighted everywhere! With a pen! Arrest-able offence I kn
Apr 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Perfect! It was hard for me to find information that's helpful to someone who wasn't in a romantic narc relationship, but was dealing with a covert narc family member. Very informative, helpful, eye opening, and heartfelt. Really helps to kick your brain out of the long term narc programming. I definitely recommend that readers do the exercises in the last chapters. Thank you, Debbie for writing this book! ...more
Said to have been written about covert rather than overt narcissists this book addressed a few important distinctions but actually never contrasted them. I knew the distinctions from my previous textbook and research but I doubt too many others do.
It was also posited that narcissists and psychopaths are very similar. Firstly, careful with the distinctions between psychopath, sociopath and antisocial personality (disorder), these were also not explained but all lumped in together.
Something that
Aug 10, 2018 rated it it was ok
Meh... honestly it was nothing earth shattering and in fact, it felt WAY too cheerleadery when it came to addressing the victims of CN. The whole chapter on who becomes victims of a Covert Narcissist was nothing but "they are amazing, smart, intelligent, caring...blah blah blah people." That is NOT helpful Debbie, unless you're a victim wanting to stay in a victim role when it comes to these types of personality disorders. Yeah people who have suffered at the hands of a CN may be amazing BUT the ...more
Jul 20, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Finally, this sub-group of narcissist addressed.
DianeK Klu
Feb 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Another book that I wish I had of read 20 years ago, but I am so glad that I read it now.
Jun 15, 2020 rated it it was amazing
To everyone who can relate to this quote from the book, this book is for your! And it will help you on your journey of healing as it is helping me:

"You have been through a tremendously difficult and painful experience. You have been treated terribly by someone who is selfish and doesn't care about you. You have been given messages about who you are that are not true. You have been conned, manipulated, lied to, and brainwashed. You have been belittled, talked down to, and treated with disrespect
Dec 29, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Perfect eye opener. Complete guide to recognize and deal with your covert narcissist .
Aug 11, 2018 added it

~Covert narcissists are likeable to the outside world; they appear to be giving, humble, and kind. Image is the most important thing to them. . . they rarely change because narcissists blame others because they usually don't think they have a problem.~

~Narcissists are deeply unhappy people. They get jealous of you when you are experiencing life and happiness.~

~She would get frustrated with her teenage kids when they didn't understand her process and wanted them to be more enthusiastic about her
Karie Husted
Jan 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Eye Opening

I have been reading and reading and reading everything I can get my hands on concerning NPD. This is definitely one of the best books. Very insightful and encouraging.
Khan Ashraf  Alif
Dec 21, 2019 rated it it was ok
Shelves: psychology
Connection with readers/consumers is important yet being a professional; It's crucial not to drive people to paranoia. The contents and inputs are fine but the constant addressing from the author felt probable cause of damage. ...more
Sep 17, 2019 rated it it was ok
this took me a little while to finish. debbie mirza seems like such a sweet person (who has been involved with her share of covert narcissists 🤮) but idk. something about the writing of this book didn’t resonate with me.

it was very...vague. like ‘michelle and dan had a fight. dan did x y and z, michelle felt x y and z.’

i know that debbie did a lot of interviews for this book and she put a lot of work into it, but it was written very...juvenile-esque if that makes sense. it didn’t pull me in at
Oct 20, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
2.5 stars. At the outset, I was excited about this book. It addresses the narrow subset of emotionally abusive tactics that I want to understand, and it starts off promising. Sadly, it turns out to be repetitive and needlessly judgy/indignant. Although this book does provide some useful info, it is not empowering. The attempt to validate survivors by providing story after story of abuse leave me feeling more triggered and agitated. The constant cheerleading affirmations are also too voluminous a ...more
Sep 01, 2020 rated it it was ok
Shelves: self, psych-misc
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Rachel Koh
Feb 07, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Informative and relational.

This book has been helpful in helping me identify narcissistic behaviours in others, something i have been struggling with for a long time.
So in a sense, it has brought me some closure.
Debbie is incredibly supportive and encouraging throughout the book and gives tips on how to stand on your own as well 🥰
A good guide to identifying toxic individuals whether in your personal life or in a work environment.
Lucinda Terwilliger
Jan 14, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I have been doing research online about CNP for a while now, but this is the first actual book I have read about the subject. I really wish I had picked up this book 20 years ago. It really hit home as I was reading it. I thought I was crazy and now know that I am not. All of the stories that are in the book are the exact same stories that I lived through in detail, as if I was the narrator telling my story. For months I wondered why he chose me as his next victim, as quoted in this book, "They ...more
Anna Maria
Apr 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I have read many psychological books written by 'supposed' experts in their chosen field. This was written by the lady who suffered at the hands of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. She writes it clearly in small chapters dealing with different issues that surround these evil, manipulative people. I was enthralled by every word. I could say to myself 'Yes that happened to me' etc. I took notes to reinforce that I become stronger, and remain that way. I would describe myself as a 'Doormat ...more
Sep 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book was extremely eye opening for me, and I definitely recommend reading it. I would have given five stars, but there was something in the narrative that didn’t sit well with me: not all people with these traits are solely narcissistic. Many have another type of personality disorder with an overlap of these traits. This becomes problematic when the author states over and over that the narc is all bad and the victim is all good. Neither is true of anyone. I’m sure the author gets that, but ...more
I may write a longer review about this book at a later time, but I'm mostly using this book as a reference alongside other books on the same topic. I thought it was a wonderful, empathetic, and well researched resource. It covers so many types of relationships and issues relating to people who are narcissistic and healing from the type of abuse that the covert passive-aggressive narcissist inflicts upon their victims. Mirza's narration of the audiobook really brings it home, and she cites many s ...more
Crystal R
Jan 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book helped me so much! I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Even though I thought I had sorted out and moved on from my traumas all on my own, I found I still felt alone and needed validation. I was having PTSD symptoms I knew I couldn't properly explain to people, especially when triggered by recognizing a new CN (this time a peer). I knew I needed support to avoid future targeting.

This book helped me see clearer even more incidents from my CN relationship than I had seen before
Nov 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very enlightening and eye opening book that I learned a lot from. Hoping this helps me move forward in life. It's helped me at least get to a place of some acceptance of reality that I found difficult before. ...more
Jul 12, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Helpful book. I found some spelling and grammatical errors distracting.
Sep 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: top-favorites
An exceptional book. Informative, broad in it's scope. It was so important, I ordered a physical copy in addition to my Kindle copy. I am following this author. ...more
Sep 08, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An exceptional book. Informative, broad in it's scope. It was so important, I ordered a physical copy in addition to my Kindle copy. I am following this author. ...more
Jan 23, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Seriously gave me so much clarity and useful knowledge. Not everything applied but 90% did.
Amy Jo
Apr 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is the best book I have read yet that explains the one I have been married to for 22 years. A great read for answers on narcissism and help in healing.
Nico Barendse
May 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I loved how easy and relatable this book was. It has beautiful practical examples and is very empowering. Worth the read, I will probably reread it a couple of times again in future.
Tara Pietrzak
Jun 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing

This book really hit home. I relayed to the stories and it helped provide clarity and understanding to my own journey.
Amy Ellison
Jul 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Well written.

Very informative and nicely written. Mirza defines and describes Covert Narcissism in a way that is interesting and easy to read and understand.
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