Happy Doomsday Quotes

“To say she was bitter fell a wee bit short, like calling sulfuric acid tangy.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Most seemed to have been prepping for the Obama apocalypse, the one with FEMA storm trooping in, black helicopters dispatched by the first black president, come to seize their guns, hustling them off to camps where they’d be forced to read the Koran, eat kale, who knew what, while they waited to be dragged before death panels.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“The whole notion of pet having was irrational after all. Why on earth would you attach yourself to something biologically predetermined to die before you? It was crazy. Becoming attached just guaranteed a painful amputation somewhere down the road, and there you’d be, this phantom limb in your head—this active absence—following you around, only to disappear whenever you turned around to look at it. Pets—and the acquiring thereof—was just a setup for gratuitous grief.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Either way, but especially the latter, hurt the feelings he supposedly didn’t have.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Where she was going, she had no idea. But the fact that she could still walk suggested she should. And so she did.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“They straddled the line between feral and civilized, licking the hand that fed them and attacking whatever it pointed to.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“You don’t think Babyhands pressed a button he shouldn’t have, do you?”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Dev wondered if that was the job of fiction, to test-drive the impossible, to loosen our grip on conventional reality. He guessed that’s probably what fiction writers would claim—if there were any left, that is.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“In the bed of the truck lay a blanketed lump in the shape of an assault rifle, concealing—of course—an assault rifle, fully loaded with laser sight and silencer for catching the deer by surprise.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“maybe people gave God too many alls to juggle.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Paranoia—it seemed—could metastasize even easier than cancer.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“the Big Three had shut down their assembly lines to retool from subcompacts to behemoths with tanks measured not in gallons, but Gulf wars.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Not that Marcus had any problems with Mexicans, seeing as they had a common enemy in the Orange One,”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“As far as Dev was concerned, the moon was no big deal. Had it not been around, he’d have used flashlights or the garden lights or run the generator. It was convenient, was all—not a sign from God. As far as Lucy’s lesser claim that it was romantic, he’d just have to take her neurotypical word for it. Not that he did so without challenging it, starting with, “You mean the moon?” Lucy nodded during the latest sweaty calm between contractions. “It’s just a rock with sunlight bouncing off it . . .” “So why are you always looking at it with your telescope?” “Because it’s a rock with sunlight bouncing off of it,” Dev said calmly, “in outer space.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Dev realized he’d been wrong about them all along. Cats weren’t dogs with Asperger’s; they were neurotypical women.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“an envious eye turned toward all those face holes stuffed with sun-colored cake.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“He’d discovered the devil’s yellow cake in grade school during lunch. Everyone’s mother but his had packed their little Americans off to school with these cellophane-wrapped loaves of gold. All Mo ever got was an apple he’d snap into with”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“That other kids considered him weird didn’t bother Dev; being weird was just synonymous with being smarter than they were,”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“She’d started noticing how the bodies didn’t seem so bad anymore. Dead, not talking, not posing any threat, they kind of grew on her in a way the living never had.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“there’d be a lot of people there and he didn’t like people, especially when they came in “lots.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“his attempts at baking being closer to brickmaking than bread.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“In the end, it was a lot of nothing about nothing, thank God—or whoever it was capriciously doling out miracles while also creating the circumstances under which such were prayed for. Lucy wondered if maybe she should convert to Norse mythology or something, one of the ones with trickster gods, like Loki. The available evidence seemed to vindicate that kind of god, as opposed to the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving creator of space-time she’d been raised to believe in.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday

“Lucy had started thinking about irony as a force in nature, invisible but inescapable, quietly shaping the arcs of human lives. It was like Occam’s razor meets Murphy’s Law: faced with two equally likely outcomes, the universe was biased toward the most ironic one.”
― David Sosnowski, Happy Doomsday