The Coaching Hours Quotes

“Jesus Christ, St. Charles, were you always as big a douchebag as Osborne and Daniels?” “Yes. Obviously I learned from the best.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“I love her. When we’re done with school, I’m going to propose and make her my wife. And I can’t fucking wait.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Elliot, we can’t leave their engagement party before they arrive because you’re horny and can’t wait to get laid!”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Babies and puppies are the best marketing ploys. He obviously knows this.” I nod absentmindedly, staring off toward Gunderson and Lilly. “Give it a few weeks, he’ll find a way to get ahold of a puppy, too.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Would you please go take the baby from him? She’s not a pimp.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“I love you, Anabelle. You are undoubtedly one of my best friends, and I think about you every second of every damn day.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Me: I had sex with my roommate. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW? Oz: You do it again. Duh.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Oz: No, no man, I understood you perfectly the first time, and mad props, bro. It’s been forever since you’ve gotten laid—am I right, or am I right? HIGH FIVE. Me: You are no help at all. Oz: Moving along—was it a fuckfest, or just so you could get the lead out? Me: Fuckfest. Oz: See? Aren’t you glad you’re not living with a dude? How awkward would that have been this morning? Am I right or am I right?! Me: Why do I bother talking to you? Oz: Because I give good advice. Me: No you don’t—but your girlfriend does. Oz: Yeah, that too. Oz: I have to give you mad props—you put your hot dog in Coach’s daughter’s bun.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“I don’t want to just burn the bridge he has with Anabelle, I want to drain the lake beneath it and fill it with concrete.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Elliot is big and sexy and strong and sweet.
Polite.
Funny
As a male specimen, Elliot is highly underrated by the female population of Iowa, and for that, I am eternally grateful.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“What was that look? Is she flirting? Just being nice?
Jesus, I can’t tell.
I need a fucking manual.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Rex the Moron, AKA my baby’s godfather, is holding my daughter, parading her around the party like The Lion King, stopping every time a hot girl croons in their direction. “He’s using Lilly to pick up women.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“You’re okay with me staying?” “I’ve been waiting to hear you say that for months, Elliot. Months.” “Then I’m staying.” “Say that again.” Her sweet voice is a whisper. “I’m staying,” I whisper back, reaching for her. “I love you and we are doing this.” “We’re really doing this.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“But I have control over this moment; I have control over how I make Anabelle feel.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“I think about sex all the time. I dream about it in my sleep. I think about it during class and when I’m eating.” What a coincidence, so do I.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“My small circle of friends in Iowa includes Madison, who is barely around and only wants to party, Elliot, who moved to Michigan, and Rex Gunderson, who had a bounty on my vagina last semester.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Bracing my arms on either side of her head, I glide inside her slick pussy, still wet from my tongue, bearing down, all the way in. Deep. So deep, our pelvises connect. When Anabelle’s mouth falls open, head listing to the side, I suck on her neck, the mattress below us dipping. Headboard hitting the wall, bedframe squeaking. Low moans. The slowest tortured thrusting. The world’s most perfect morning fuck.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“I get to drive, drop her off downtown for her fake date from hell with a complete tool, and then lurk for the rest of the evening? Awesome. Exactly what I wanted to be doing on a Friday night.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Library guy, why are you always coming to say hello when I look shitty?” Her mouth turns down in an exaggerated frown. “It’s rude.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Those douchebags need to learn a lesson. And I’m just the girl to teach them.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“When I was younger—ganglier—my sister Veronica used to sit on my chest to hold me down while she spilled her guts so she’d have someone to talk to. I had to hear all about her drama—drama with my parents, with boys, with her friends. Her teen years were my worst nightmare.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“You know if Coach finds out those two were making bets about who could sleep with his daughter first, they’ll be gone in a heartbeat.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“She’s pretty. She stole my table.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Think about it, man. You banging Coach’s daughter—bragging rights for months.” My shirt comes down over my head. “We don’t even know what she looks like. She could be a brown bagger.” Brown bagger = someone you’d only fuck if their face was covered. Coyote ugly.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“Sighing, I finally hit the twenty-minute mark with one mile under my belt for the morning. Not too shabby.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“If I can’t touch her, he sure as hell can’t.
The last time Anabelle went out to party, I carried her semi-unconscious body through my door and tucked her into my bed to sleep it off. I’ve earned the right to be overprotective of her.
She’s my friend.
The thought makes me throw up in my mouth a little.”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours

“What if I walk in on her naked while she’s showering and she thinks I’m a pervert?
What if I accidentally leave the door open while I’m taking a piss and she sees my junk?
What if she decides to walk around the house with no pants on and I have to see her ass cheeks? What if I like it?”
― Sara Ney, The Coaching Hours