Zero Hour Quotes

“Marine Corps doesn’t much care whether you’re having a good morale day or not. You do your job, regardless. Semper fidelis. Not when-I’m-feeling-it fidelis.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“did you hear about the guy who worked at the brewery?” Poole’s expression was blank. “Sir?” I grinned. “His wife is at home, getting dinner ready, and a minister and the supervisor of the brewery knock on her door. I’m sorry, Ma’am, the supervisor says, your husband fell in a beer vat this morning and drowned. The wife looks back at the kitchen where the table is set for dinner. He fell in this morning, she asks, and you are only telling me now? Well, the supervisor says, it took a while because he got out a couple times to use the bathroom.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“Our jump drive is made from odds and ends I found in a trash bin.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“When your ancestors crawled out of the mud onto land millions of years ago, they were sooooo pleased with themselves, but that decision doesn’t look so good now, does it?”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“What she decided to do, she considered as she allowed herself a tight smile, was worthy of a Bishop Award for ‘Craziest Idea Dreamed Up Out Of Nothing’.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“Joe, this is like rednecks-on-meth stupid. This is stupid on the level of a buck-naked Florida redneck crashing his stolen truck into a police station to complain that the meth he bought isn’t, you know, methy enough.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“Physics hates you, Joe. You have screwed with laws of physics too often, like shooting a maser through a microwormhole, or landing dropships from orbit on a yoyo string. By now, physics must be totally humiliated at being messed with by a filthy monkey.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“There was a nightmarish period of two days when we had to jump every thirty three minutes, because that is how long it took a pair of Thuranin cruisers to find us after every jump.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“You’re like a dog that stays quiet, but keeps looking at you on the couch, and looking at the food bowl, then looking at you again. The dog doesn’t say anything, but it is still annoying.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“Thex-1138, a male who, to non-Thuranin eyes appeared almost identical to his female companion, responded without turning toward his leader.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“When you make a plan, the universe chuckles and rubs its hands with delight, because it has another golden opportunity to screw with you.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“Better a spectacular death than a slow one,” Chang suggested, confirming why he would not be a good choice as the ship’s Morale Officer.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“This is stupid on the level of a buck-naked Florida redneck crashing his stolen truck into a police station to complain that the meth he bought isn’t, you know, methy enough.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“the Marine Corps doesn’t much care whether you’re having a good morale day or not. You do your job, regardless. Semper fidelis. Not when-I’m-feeling-it fidelis”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour

“The reason I care that the four of you respect me is that you all were in jail, because you all had to make very difficult moral decisions. Decisions that came at great personal cost to yourselves.”
― Craig Alanson, Zero Hour