Everything is Horrible and Wonderful Quotes

“The space between life and death is a moment.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss

“I often wonder when this will all end, but there is no end to grief. There's only navigating the way to a new normal.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss

“I think we're all just doing our best to survive the inevitable pain and suffering that walks alongside us through life. Long ago, it was wild animals and deadly poxes and harsh terrain. I learned about it playing The Oregon Trail on an old IBM in my computer class in the fourth grade. The nature of the trail has changed, but we keep trekking along. We trek through the death of a sibling, a child, a parent, a partner, a spouse; the failed marriage, the crippling debt, the necessary abortion, the paralyzing infertility, the permanent disability, the job you can't seem to land; the assault, the robbery, the break-in, the accident, the flood, the fire; the sickness, the anxiety, the depression, the loneliness, the betrayal, the disappointment, and the heartbreak.
There are these moments in life where you change instantly.
In one moment, you're the way you were, and in the next, you're someone else. Like becoming a parent: you're adding, of course, instead of subtracting, as it is when someone dies, and the tone of the occasion is obviously different, but the principal is the same. Birth is an inciting incident, a point of no return, that changes one's circumstances forever. The second that beautiful baby onto whom you have projected all your hopes and dreams comes out of your body, you will never again do anything for yourself. It changes you suddenly and entirely.
Birth and death are the same in that way.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss

“I finally understand the meaning of acceptance on the grief chart. It’s not that the bereaved ever accepts the death of the loved one—I will never accept your death—it’s that you come to accept that these really are your shitty, irreversible circumstances.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss

“Splitting things was of paramount importance to you. One dish was never enough. You always had to try everything on the menu.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“You wanted to try it all.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“Yesterday, we lit a Yahrzeit candle that sat on the kitchen counter and burned brightly in memory of you. We will light a Yahrzeit candle every year on this day. And every year, it will burn out on my birthday. And every year, that cruel juxtaposition will remind me that life is moving on without you. This is how it is now: equal parts joy and sorrow. Everything all at once. I have this vivid memory of driving with Iris to the grocery store last summer on a particularly dark day. It’s one of those seemingly insignificant moments that made a permanent mark. “You Are My Sunshine” shuffled onto Pandora Toddler Radio. Glancing at Iris in the rearview mirror, I was simultaneously overwhelmed with pure joy as I saw her singing and clapping along and sorrow that you would never get to see such a spectacular view. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. The other night dear when I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. When I awoke dear, I was mistaken, So I hung my head and cried. This song is so happy and sad at once. It’s what it feels like to be alive. It’s what it feels like to lose someone you love but still be surrounded by so much light.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“Thinking of you is as reflexive as blinking, although the thought is no longer a drone strike. I’m no longer standing in a field, bracing myself, looking up at the sky in terror. This isn’t a war zone. This is just how it works now: I feel my feelings of despair, get out of bed, and participate in the world anyway. I finally understand the meaning of acceptance on the grief chart. It’s not that the bereaved ever accepts the death of the loved one—I will never accept your death—it’s that you come to accept that these really are your shitty, irreversible circumstances. One day, it just becomes clear: this is the way it is now. The delusions, denial, hysterics, depression, torment—it eventually starts to melt into this pit of mush that lives in your stomach and just sort of weighs you down. It’s not even necessarily fueled by emotion any more. It’s just the way your body works now. Like the day you accept that your stomach will never again look the way it did before you grew a child in it. You’re never gonna like it, but you’ll eventually get to a point where you go to the fucking store and buy pants that are the next size up because you have to wear pants. Acceptance.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“Our grandmother was in the audience. I remember, years later, she wore the same befuddled face watching his first Showtime comedy special, where he did this bit about jerking off when you have a roommate, and how you have to keep checking to make sure the roommate isn’t awake, so it really amounts to jerking off to your roommate.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“He understood that on a basic level, we’re all the same. We’re all human, and we’re all just doing the best we can. In his words: ‘Let’s stop finding a new witch of the week and burning them at the stake. We are all horrible
and wonderful and figuring it out.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss

“Your absence will always be palpable but so will your spirit, your presence, your memory.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“I often wonder when all of this will end, but there is no end to grief. There’s only navigating the way to a new normal.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“I want to take his hand, walk him out to the car, put him in the passenger seat, drive him to a really good therapist, and sit there with him until his mind is fixed. I want to fly him out to a sweat lodge in the middle of the desert where a shaman can lead him through an intense guided meditation that will exorcize the demons and make him realize he deserves to keep on living.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“You were my little brother. Were or are? Past or present? It still says you’re my brother on Facebook. But you’re no longer here to be my brother. So, am I still a sister? Is sister a verb or a noun? Is it something you have to actively do to be one, or do you keep the title once the other half is gone?”
― Stephanie Wittels Wach, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss

“I noted how small I was compared to the sky. I saw that the world is beautiful. I heard my daughter say, "Wow." And I felt grateful.”
― Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Everything is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love and Loss