Mister McHottie Quotes

“The chief clears his throat and gives me the don’t be a sexual predator look.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Your mother’s holding for you on line two,” she says. “If I were you, I’d buy a florist and a candy shop. Maybe a winery too. Sounds like she needs them.” Might be time to resign from my personal life.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“horny and horrified all at once.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“You’re not a grown-up. You’re some kind of male sex kitten in a glitter suit, and I’m done with you.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“She grabs me by the balls, scraping my sack, and that color behind my eyeballs goes iridescent. Beyond white. I can’t think. I can’t talk. I can barely keep my knees from giving out. “Flaccid,” she whispers. “And still crooked. You should see a doctor about that.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“I offer him a chocolate from the glass candy dish my admin insisted I needed. He swallows it, wrapper and all, then grabs the bowl and drinks the rest down. I’ve mentioned I missed these guys, haven’t I? “You’re my fucking hero,” I tell Ares. He grunts and eyes the candy dish like he’s contemplating taking a bite of it too.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“She squeezes back—lightly enough she could claim it was a twitch if she wanted to—and my heart melts. I’m done, ladies and gentlemen. Bro Berger won a gold medal in the orgasm Olympics, and now she’s hugging me. On purpose.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“I have a half-drunk bottle of cheap white wine—she strikes me as the red type—a bouquet of flowers that I put on my chair and bounced on with my ass, and a box of coconut chocolates on the table. Ambrosia hates coconut like normal people hate expired milk or wasp stings. Probably because she’s allergic. If this doesn’t say I hate you, let’s go fuck in the back alley, I’ll have to accept the fact that I’ll spend”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Getting off is great, but He was a man who had sex, and lots of it, and in the worst locations, with the woman of his nightmares isn’t the inscription I want on my tombstone.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“I’m simultaneously mortified and lustified. And if you don’t think lustified is a word, trust me, it is, and I am so that right now. Hornified too, which is like being horny and horrified all at once.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“When he smiles, fairies sing and the sun shoots glitter on its light beams and magical, happy, non-possessed unicorns fart rainbows across the sky.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“This woman drives me mad. She’s obnoxious as toe fungus and pathologically self-righteous. I want to crush her. I want to ruin her. I want to own her.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Six feet of pure sin stands wide-legged in the doorway. His smile is a lie, his smoky blue eyes a portal to self-destruction, the dimple in his chin twice the size needed to store what’s left of his conscience.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“It’s Bro. She’d tackle me in the produce aisle, rip my pants off, ride me like a donkey, and ask if me that was a microscopic needle in my pants or if the nice scientists in the asylum had noticed I was missing yet.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“This woman does abnormal, not-right things to my brain. And my body. And my mouth. “Bend over, cabbage face,” I order. “Why? You couldn’t find my g-spot with a flashlight and a guide.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“If you don’t like it, you could quit touching it.” If she quits touching me, I’m going to fucking die. “I can barely tell your hand is there anyway.” “It’s a mercy stroke. I’m generous like that. And you’re a lying fuck-face.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“I consider dropping her on her ass while she’s a pile of rotten jelly in my arms, but instead wait until her eyes focus again. Fucking gentleman of the year, that’s me.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Zero to sixty in four-point-three seconds. Good luck getting that with one of your crunchy, free-range, organic toadstool boyfriends. And we haven’t even gotten to the main event.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Have you seen Minnesota mosquitoes? They’re horses with wings. It’s like being bitten by a hornless unicorn.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“He apologized, my hopeless vagina squeals. Let’s hump him. She’s on probation, so I ignore her.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Ares, put him down,” I order, but I sound like a sex-crazed nympho at a dildo party.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“Just want to bend them all until they snap in two? Ah, I’m asking for a friend. Because of course I wasn’t stupid enough to think sex with Chase Jett and his magic peen could come without a price.”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie

“who cares that he and those Berger boys who make millions playing hockey now once tried to use fishing line, hair spray, and a lighter to make a ring of fire around the lake and told people it was a ritualistic exorcism to rid me of PMS—”
― Pippa Grant, Mister McHottie