Hoofin' It Quotes

“Violence isn’t exactly wholesome. Wholesome implies you leave them whole after you’re done saying hello.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I really needed to stop hanging out with beings who thought of me as food.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“It turned out otters could, with a little work, flip someone the middle finger.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“What’s a little anemia a couple of times a month”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I’d rather share my bed with a devil with questionable morals than one with no morals at all.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“Did I just hear a vampire crime lord call someone else a crook?”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“The guy jumps at his own shadow. If you think his reaction to lycanthropes is bad, you should see him face off against a spider.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“In my defense, I had no idea it was that sort of nightclub.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“You didn’t come all this way in plain clothes to tell me my alpaca is probably a victim of the sex trade.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“It always worries me when you strive to prove you’re capable of independent thought.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I believe his judgment regarding your current ability to intercept flying otters is impaired.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“We can’t take home an FBI agent because we feel like it.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I shut up and suffered through wolf slobber in silence.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I rode a demented slinky with an attitude problem.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“If you know the rules, it’s surprisingly easy to obey them. It just takes creativity.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“It’s the only day I’m legitimately allowed to pretend I’m a pretty princess.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“You are as Papa says, mean and cruel. What has he ever done to you to deserve such treatment from you?” “He exists.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“someone I’d want for an uncle if I could ignore his record and tendency to view humans as prey.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“A kneecap a day keeps the vamps at bay,”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I just got home to discover my loving mother and father had gotten bored, discovered the existence of compressed air, and somehow had gotten their hands on an obscene amount of glitter.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“no matter what people here think, Chicago isn’t actually the center of the universe.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“Lying about something easily verified with a few phone calls is pretty stupid.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“Someone bit me during an FBI raid I unintentionally attended. I’ve been assured I don’t have rabies.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“No. You lost your right to say you’re sane the instant you decided to actually go along with this.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“No matter how hard we try, you’re disgustingly responsible.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“What in the hell was my mother doing with a purple leopard print Desert Eagle?”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“Most people called his ‘rifles’ grenade launchers. I thought it better to let him call his badass guns whatever the hell he wanted to keep him happy.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“I’ll forgive you for being awful parents if you find Sally and bring her home safely. Remember, I like her more than I like you, but I might like you a bit more if you return her.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“My dad’s partner, a centaur blending a human and a tiger, waved from his spot near the door. I liked Winston Emmanuel. Few had no fear of my father’s disturbing strength, tendency to drool, and inclination for howling inappropriately in public.”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It

“Why was there a half-cooked pancake on the kitchen ceiling?”
― R.J. Blain, Hoofin' It