Love's Not Color Blind Quotes

“Include and project the voices of underrepresented people in the spaces where their access is limited. Go love, and build, and restore, and speak, and engage, and create. Go be better and do better.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“As a community, we should seek to create an environment that is inclusive of varying perspectives. Flat out, it makes us stronger. Diversity of thoughts and experiences opens us up to new ideas or to approaching old ideas in new ways.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Don't let discomfort silence you when your voice can lead to a better situation for all of us.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“The thing that makes systemic oppression so difficult to discuss is that when you do, you have to acknowledge your role in it. Often this means having to admit that you're part of the problem. It's not a comfortable experience when you learn that you further or benefit from the oppression of others.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Inclusivity has to be seen as a benefit to the community. The lack of diversity has to be seen as a detriment to that community.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Resources are often limited, and there will never be a universal solution around that, but in many cases it’s still possible to take what you have and make it what you want.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Hand-holding those who don’t share your cultural background to address the needs of people who do, is a tough task. When you are part of a majority or a privileged class, it’s hard to accept that your needs and your perspective are anything but universal. It’s even harder to understand that addressing the needs of the few won’t suddenly marginalize the many. Those “majority needs” and that “privileged perspective” will also be acknowledged and accommodated. That’s fine. They just can’t be the only ones in the spotlight.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“In the same way that we need to look out for women in ethical non-monogamy, we also need to look out for queer folks, trans people, people with disabilities, the young, the old, the poor, and people of color.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“I didn't want to be the kind of privileged person who tells oppressed people what their version of diversity should look like.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Without acknowledging the variety of the human experience, all you get is the perspective of majority representation, which is mostly white and male and straight and able-bodied and cisgender and "traditionally" attractive. None of those things are inherently negative... but neither are their alternatives. So, all deserve some spotlight.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“If a group isn't being actively inclusive, it's being passively exclusive. This passive attitude results in lifestyle communities that do not reflect the local population.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Now that you’re more aware, take this discussion with you. Include and project the voices of underrepresented people in the spaces where their access is limited. Go love, and build, and restore, and speak, and engage, and create. Go be better and do better.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Making changes, to yourself and the world around you, is never easy. If my intent is to put good into this world, it makes more sense to get introspective. How much does my behavior factor directly into the pain others feel? What can I do to reduce that? It helps to remember that as much as it hurts me to hear, it probably hurts them more to say and feel.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“If your goal was to get a badge of honor, you’re gonna have a harder time than you’d like. To this end, the hardest part of any of these measures is being able to withstand the discomfort of the conversation itself. The ability to listen in the face of that discomfort, and not become defensive is a virtue.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Fetishization at its root is about simplification. The perpetrator of fetishization eroticizes a person as an object, a collection of stereotypes, clichés, and tropes to put in a box and categorize. Any manner of media that envisions a marginalized person as a full-fledged human being naturally fights that concept.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Once at the table, though, each creator can choose to share their personal observations…whether individualized, or as part of a shared cultural experience. The most important part here is the ability to opt in or opt out of this part of the dialogue, at will. Othering occurs when someone else puts that spotlight on you without your consent.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“It would’ve been really easy to blow off the question. I could’ve said that the neurodiverse crowd simply hadn’t shown up. Or I could’ve cited my own limited knowledge of such disabilities as the reason for a lack of diversity, and that likely would’ve ended the conversation. It also would have ended my blog’s premise of being a resource devoted to offering a platform for the underrepresented. Instead, I took a different tack. I posted the reader’s question publicly and asked for help. Soon after I did this, I received messages from other readers who had more experience with, and knowledge of, disabilities than I had. Through this influx of new information, I was able to reach out to a polyamorous blogger with Asperger’s syndrome. I got some letter-writing assistance from a partner who has some familiarity with Asperger’s, and I communicated the needs of the blog, and let this blogger do their thing. What I received from this blogger, was one of the most personal and informative entries in the blog’s history. Not only was the profile amazing, the author immediately followed up its publishing with a second entry that drove even deeper into the intersection of autism and polyamory. Had the self-identities questions been available then, the follow-up might not have been needed. Instead, that follow-up became the signpost that such a question was necessary. It would be added to the submission form the very next week. So, what happened in this situation, is that I gave up control of my platform, and opened it up to ideas outside of my own. As far as representation goes, the goals of my blog are clear, but I understand that I don’t have the tools to manage them. Not completely and not by myself. Had I kept my hands on the steering wheel, this bit of magic would never have occurred. Furthermore, I’d have lost the idea that my platform was welcoming to neurodiverse people or people with disabilities. I didn’t want to be the kind of privileged person who tells oppressed people what their version of diversity should look like. It’s the reason why I readily accept nominations for blog contributors. Everyone can have a hand in the creative process, in as much as it pertains to them. So, instead of trying to control the narrative, the pen was passed to those with lived experience to express themselves in the way that felt most authentic to them. In response, Poly Role Models became a more honest and welcoming resource, especially with the newly inspired question.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“It was as if the writers had used up their limited supply of nuance on the film’s script and only had bucketfuls of played-out tropes left for the comics. It’s a pretty stark example of what happens when you let people tell their own stories…and when you don’t.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Events that are hosted by a local group should be available and accessible to the whole community. If public transportation is an option, venues should be chosen to minimize the distance from transit stops. Locations should be accessible to persons with physical disabilities, and accommodating to people with reported sensitivities to light, sound, smell, or cigarette smoke.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“The problematic element in absolving yourself of this example of the Big Bad, is that it closes the conversation without resolution. It silences the voices of the people who experience racism, and would like to see well-meaning, good-natured white people take up a larger role in fighting it. Also, and this should especially matter to white folks, it endangers those friendships with black people who you might have pointed out…but seriously, more on that in a moment.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“In any case, care should be taken to learn how these pop-culture influences and society driven biases affect the way we see people.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Popular culture has reinforced every racial stereotype imaginable. They’re all negative. Even the ones that sound positive act as a way to marginalize the people in a group who don’t fit the mold.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“So, the school officials seemed to understand the value of diversity. They understood it well enough to spot a problem with the way the school represented itself.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“There’s never a shortage of people who need to witness your experiences to make their world feel less lonely.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“This isn’t necessarily the fault of the cast of shows like Sister Wives or Polyamory: Married and Dating. The producers of these kinds of shows bear some level of responsibility for putting sensationalism ahead of realism for ratings. Although I’m sure that’s the exact parameters of their job. Just like the intentionality of a reality show designed as a ratings grab, if you want to create inclusive representation you have to make it part of your purpose.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Suddenly, I’m in this place where I’m supposed to confirm or deny what he’s telling me? I’m brand new to this space. I’ve never been here. And now, it’s my job to tell this guy that he’s a fuckboy or to walk away.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“the last couple years of trying to be a white person in alliance with people of color, I’ve developed a couple principles of behavior in my head that help me stay on track. One of them is, ‘it is more important to be in solidarity with people of color than get things absolutely correct.’ As it turns out, there will always be some reason available for one to choose to not act on racial issues. And my white perspective will make those reasons look correct or attractive.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“All of which is to say, when polyamorous people and organizations fail to speak or act on racial issues that come up, which is usually what happens, people of color note that fact and proceed to bail, often without stating that they are doing so. And then we [white folks] wonder why our communities are so homogeneous.” – Pepper Mint of OpenSF and freaksexual.com”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“Our varying self-identities impact the way we practice our relationship styles. We shouldn’t ignore how this plays out for those who face an enhanced burden.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

“You got all these people who have a perspective that paints the landscape. But they don’t realize that their perspective paints the landscape. So, when you say, ‘Hey, let’s repaint the picture a bit to recognize other races,’ they don’t know why race even matters. They don’t understand that it’s already racial. It’s just that it’s racial in a way that favors them and excludes others.”
― Kevin A. Patterson, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities