Antisocial Quotes

“What did I do to deserve you?”
“You told me not to throw away my work. You chased me down and made me open up. Enough to see things I needed to see.” Xander stepped closer and put a hand carefully on Skylar’s hip. “This is how I make love to you, Skylar Stone. I make you take off your clothes and spread your legs for me. I get you to tell me stories of goddesses and turn you into one. I turn your deepest fears into the most beautiful painting I know how to create, and then I stay up all night to give it to you.” He rested his nose on Skylar’s shoulder, nipping him smartly. “The very idea I need to slobber on a body part to do it is insulting.”
Without turning around, Skylar found Xander’s hand and laced their fingers tight. “What happens if I tell you that I love you?”
Xander shut his eyes, smiling into Skylar’s skin as his heart soared. He squeezed their joined hands tighter. “I’ll tell you that I love you back.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“Skylar laughed a lot in these scenes. He was happy. He was always helping people too—a whole section depicted him playing hero to the art majors as they gazed at him adoringly, and Xander glowered jealously on the sidelines. That made Skylar laugh in real life. There were so many scenes of him helping people. He was Mr. Friendly, according to Xander.
This was such a better painting.
This was how Xander saw him?
This was beautiful.
This is who I want to be instead.
“I love this,” Skylar said as Xander cleaned his brush.
“Oh, I’m not done.”
Xander got out a small round brush and reached for the pink.
He began to paint delicate, beautiful cherry blossoms all over Skylar’s body.
There was writing too—Xander explained each kanji to him, that they meant he was magnificent, sensitive, sensual, artistic, charming, loyal, steadfast—he lost track of the words
because while they were wonderful and the script breathtaking, it was the blossoms that did him in. He sees me as a cherry tree. A blooming, beautiful cherry tree.
Skylar sobbed.
“I love you,” Skylar cried, trying not to spill tears because Xander was painting cherry blossoms across his face.
“I love you too, my sakura.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“I don’t know who I am.”
“You’re Skylar Stone. You’re charming, kind, clever, helpful, beautiful inside and out. You don’t give up. You bring people together, not because you want to use them but because you truly want to help people be better, to build good things. You help people find themselves. Sometimes you lose your way, but at the end of the day, you have a pure heart and the best of intentions. You’re curious, you have drive…” He ran fingers down the slope of Skylar’s neck. “You’re sexy. In ways I didn’t know sexy could be. You’re romantic. You’re attentive, caring, sweet—”
Skylar stopped his words with a kiss.
It was a simple press of lips. A soft, gentle pressure, the same as it had been the time he’d kissed Xander in the hall. But this time Skylar had so many emotions pent up behind the kiss”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“People can see us.”
“That’s my hope, yes.” Skylar pulled Xander a little closer to him. “Is that all right?”
Xander’s heart felt like a drum, its beats reverberating through his body. “If you claim me in front of my friends?”
“If I claim you in front of anyone. Everyone. I like the way it makes you blush. But I also simply like you. And I want everyone to know.” Skylar nuzzled Xander’s hair briefly with his lips. “Is it all right?”
Xander melted into his side, shutting his eyes. “Yes. It’s fine.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“Skylar captured Xander’s hand, stroking it tentatively as he rested the side of his head against Xander’s. “Kiss me good night?”
Xander trembled as Skylar’s fingers made love to his skin, as the heat of Skylar’s body surrounded him, pressing him into the door. Skylar shifted and turned with their touches, and Xander held still, gasping out loud while Skylar kept quiet, focused on undoing Xander. It made him feel vulnerable and exposed, even as he didn’t want Skylar to stop.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“Hey…no more dates with people for favors, okay?”
“No more dates for favors.” Skylar squeezed Xander’s hand gently. “Can…can I have one with you, though?”
Xander’s heart fluttered, grew wings, and sailed lazily into the sky. “You can have as many as you want.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“That’s what art does. Speaks to deep parts of us, usually ones we can’t access any other way.” He gripped his sandwich tighter as he ground the sticky gears of his manners. “I’m…glad you were able to see yourself in mine.” He ignored the part about the total stranger allegedly wanting to buy his art, assuming it was nothing more than a line.
Skylar smiled, not his ting but the gentler one that made something behind Xander’s balls tingle. “Me too.” The smile turned regretful as he rose.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“Do you know what I wish?” Skylar held Xander’s hand tight as he looked up at the falling leaves. “I wish we could stand like this in Japan, under real cherry trees. Ones in bloom.”
“We have real cherry trees in the United States, you know.”
“The ones in Japan feel more real, somehow.”
Xander smiled. “Then let’s make it a vow. Someday we’ll stand under cherry blossoms in Japan.”
Skylar smiled back, and there was only weariness, no more shadows in his face now. “It’s a promise.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
“There’s so much wrong with me.” Skylar clung to him. “I don’t feel like I fit anywhere anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. How I’m supposed to be.”
“You fit with me.” Xander tucked him in tighter, as if to prove his statement. “You’ll always fit with me.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“You’re so…different when you work.”
“Different bad?”
“Just different. You really are only seeing me as a blob of flesh.”
Xander shook his head. “No. Okay—I’ll grant I’m not looking at you the way I do when I’m admiring you. But I’m not looking at you the way I do my usual subjects, either. I’m highly aware of who I’m drawing right now. Of what I want this portrait to say, to whom I want it to speak.”
Now Skylar softened. “You’re drawing for me?”
“Everything I’ve drawn lately has been for you.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“You’re honestly going to let them all think you’re gay?”
There was an odd steel about Skylar’s expression. “Let them think what they want. I don’t care.”
Skylar looked serious, but Xander couldn’t help pushing back. “You care a hell of a lot and you know it.”
“I care more about you. About myself. I don’t want to live like that anymore.” His shoulders sagged. “Please, Xander. I don’t want to fight. I want to be with you”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“There’s nothing wrong with Xander. He doesn’t need fixing. In any way.”
“Exactly. Don’t fuck with who he is, if he isn’t broken. He’s cranky, but he’s a good person, and he makes great art. You’re a good person too, and you’re more than functional. Don’t fuck with who you are. You have low sexual desire. Almost none, from the sounds of things. You’ve discovered a slightly different kink that aligns with Xander, and that’s great. Chase that happiness. This world is a nightmare full of pain. You found someone you can make beauty with. Don’t question how it happens or worry you aren’t doing it the right way. Call yourself demi or an ace or gray, or refuse to take a name. It’s all up to you. Call yourself the man who loves Xander Fairchild, the grumpiest, most antisocial asshole who ever lived. The one who made Xander love someone back”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“I don’t really know if I’m demi or ace or some other kind of gray or what, though. Thinking about labels makes me crazy, to be honest.”
“That’s fine. You don’t need to use the labels if you don’t want to. I like them. A lot. You might change your mind later—that’s also okay. You might change your mind about which label you like. Again, this is fine. Basically you make all the rules and everyone else is going to agree with your rules or I come and drop-kick them.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“You’re shy,” Skylar whispered, nuzzling his ear. Reading his mind.
Xander swallowed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Skylar laced their fingers together, drew Xander in close enough that there would be no hiding the evidence of Xander’s arousal. And Skylar’s lack thereof. “I find your shyness very attractive.”
“Oh,” Xander said, because he didn’t know what else to say.
“I want to date you, Xander. I want to help you with your project, and sit for your paintings, and write a manga with you, and I want to date you”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“I just want to find a way to be with you that doesn’t hurt you. Because I didn’t realize it until Unc asked. No, no one’s ever given me what I wanted.”
He opened his eyes, turning his head to look at the space beside him, where Xander should have been. “Until you. You give me what I want without my ever asking for it—and almost always without giving you anything in return.”
He placed a trembling hand on the stone bench, which was cool, despite the heat. “But what if I can’t give you what you want from me”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“That’s hard on other people, Xander. When you give to people—to good people—they want to give back, and you need to let them. It hurts them when you don’t let them give to you. Or help you. They want to interact with you.”
Xander huffed and opened his mouth to say, Nobody wants to interact with me, but before he could, Skylar spoke again.
“I want to interact with you.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“I know you said you don’t like people, but you should have some people.”
“All they do is let me down.”
“I won’t let you down.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“They’re honest about their arrogance and self-centeredness, at least. People lie about it. They want you to pretend it’s an even exchange, but it never is. They want you to play this game of nice, and I hate it.”
“So what about me? Do you hate being friends with me?”
Xander blushed and looked down at his lap. “No. You’re different.”
“Why? How?”
“I don’t know. You just are.” His blush became so hot his face felt like flame. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“Xander saw him to the door. It wasn’t awkward per se, but it was a…charged goodbye. They were both aware everything had changed. That they’d cracked into something good, but scary. Fragile. Something to be treated with care.
He vowed to not mess this friendship up, to not muddy it or screw with it in any way.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial

“You have no idea how impossible your job is going to be.”
“You have no idea how much I love overturning impossible.”
The smile was getting on Xander’s nerves. Under his skin. Into the soft places in his belly. Hardening that weakness, Xander lifted his chin. “Fine. If you want to look like an idiot, I’m not going to stop you.”
― Heidi Cullinan, Antisocial