If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad? Quotes

“To an abuser, you are not entitled to your own personal experience or any feelings surrounding it. He wants to control everything, and even though your feelings are something he actually cannot control, it won’t stop him from trying.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognising and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Se tem medo da resposta dele, quer esteja pedindo alguma coisa ou contando alguma novidade, você já foi alvo do abuso de seu parceiro em algum momento. Seu medo é resultado da agressão e do controle dele em relação a você, e isso a faz se sentir impotente.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Então, ela fica confusa... sabe que ele era generoso e atencioso e que havia lhe prometido o mundo, mas também parece que ele não sabe bem o que ela deseja de verdade. Os dois não combinam, então, ela conclui que seus próprios desejos provavelmente não são factíveis, que seus sentimentos não são válidos. E é assim que tudo começa. Você abandona pequenos pedaços de si mesma primeiro, pensando que nenhum deles é, em si, particularmente importante.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Muitas vezes, seu único sinal visível é a forma como você se sente no relacionamento, porque as táticas veladas e sutis estão ocultas ou parecem pequenas e não ameaçadoras.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Most of us are familiar with an abuser’s classic behavior of isolating his partner from her support system, usually her family and friends. As an outsider, it is easy to spot this behavior. However, when it is actively happening to you, it is not quite so clear.
In the beginning, the abuser pretends he wants to be close to the other people in your life. Later, he subtly makes underhanded comments about them to you. He creates conflict or drama when there doesn’t need to be any. This is confusing to you and makes you question your own judgment. As a result of his comments and attitudes toward the other people in your life, you have begun to view your relationships with them differently and your opinions are more aligned with your abuser. If you defend the abuser to your loved ones, they get frustrated that you are taking his side. If you defend your loved ones to your abuser, he attacks your loyalty to him. You are left in the middle, feeling helpless and exhausted. …You begin to withdraw or make excuses why you can’t get together with your friends and family. In some cases, you are so embarrassed by the abuser or your relationship with the abuser that you intentionally shy away from getting together with your loved ones. You are ashamed. The shame you feel around your relationship with the abuser leads you to feel even more isolated. You keep your feelings to yourself, for fear that your friends and family won’t understand you or that they will be aggressive in encouraging you to leave.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“The opposite of being nice is having a voice so that you can advocate for yourself and those you care about.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Women often don’t see themselves as powerful. They don’t feel as if they have any recourse to the treatment they are experiencing. They don’t have the language to be better advocates for themselves. And perhaps most important, they live in a society that doesn’t give them permission to be angry.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“He treats you differently when other people are around.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“In a healthy relationship, the goal is to ultimately resolve the issue and ideally reach a conclusion where both parties are satisfied. If you walk away from discussions or conflict confused and feeling bad about yourself, take a closer look. Distance yourself from the issue at hand and focus on the strategy in the conflict. An abuser rigs the game so that he will always win and you will always lose.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“hoped. Susan couldn’t understand why her husband would get annoyed when she was happy. If Susan became excited about something, he would get quiet and completely disengage. She was left feeling completely confused as to why her husband was so unhappy when there was clearly something to be happy about. Susan would carefully approach her husband, asking if there was anything wrong, to which he would reply with a simple no. His silent treatment would continue for sometimes weeks at a time, leaving Susan feeling worried that she had done something to hurt him.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Nenhum relacionamento pode prosperar se houver maldade e crueldade, pois essas coisas matam o amor.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Ela estava criando seu próprio inferno pessoal, repetindo na mente as coisas que haviam realmente ocorrido e o que desejava ter feito diferente. Estava sobrecarregada com seus pensamentos ansiosos, que absorviam a maior parte de sua energia emocional. Dizer que ela se sentia terrível seria um eufemismo.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Durante um longo tempo, ela continuou reproduzindo todos os seus erros em sua cabeça, censurando-se por não ter forças para lidar com as coisas de acordo com seu verdadeiro eu. Ela não tinha nenhuma dificuldade de “assumir” suas infrações. O problema era que não sabia como superá-las.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

“Seu eu anterior não estava em nenhum lugar, e sua centelha havia desaparecido muito tempo atrás. Ela sentia que todo seu ser estava no chão.”
― Avery Neal, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse