Toxic Faith Quotes

“People in pain have enough problems without some well-meaning folks trying to short-circuit the grief process by declaring that everything is a good event sent from God.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“In a toxic-faith system, loyalty is equated with blind faith and complete agreement with the leader.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“Outcasts can interpret reality for themselves. Even when their perception of reality contradicts that of hundreds or thousands of followers, they can clearly see the problems and press for solutions to those problems. Outcasts are unimpressed by position or personhood. They love God and want to protect his people and his institutions from spiritual fraud.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“Others are more knowledgeable about the situation than I am. I must go along with their decisions. It is my place to be supportive, not to confront. My faith demands that I be obedient and loyal. These people are so nice, especially to me. Their motives must be pure. Perhaps I don’t really know the pastor well enough to discern whether he is right or wrong. Since they are closer to the situation, I will go along with them. He must be “special” with special needs. Who am I to rock the boat? I must be a faithful follower and not allow others to hurt the ministry.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“Misguided loyalty allows the delusions of the leader to grow and destroys the faith of the loyal.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“In a toxic system, the toxic minister sets himself or herself up as having a special destiny or mission that can be performed by no one else. This special anointing or calling is often nothing more than the pathological need to be valued or esteemed. It also takes some of the power that should be attributed to God and gives it to the toxic minister. It is a way to usurp God’s authority, and it is a way to discredit anyone who disagrees with the direction of the ministry.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“God has given us the freedom to make choices. Some choices will be better than others. The worst ones will cause us discomfort and pain, but the pain will not always be the result of God’s punishment for sin. When people play with fire, often they feel the heat, and some get burned. The pain is from the fire, not the punishment of God. Sin is like that. Pain is often a result of sin, but not necessarily a punishment for it.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“All problems are not results of sin; many are simply results of reality.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“When ministers wield absolute authority, everyone loses, even God.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“Upon my eighteenth birthday I was given three choices: 1. Join the church, and live at home. 2. Move out and live on my own. 3. Move into the single men’s home.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“Macho men, without their grief, must find a way to gain power and control over their environment. They have a unique way of rationalizing and justifying their behavior and violations of others,”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“Instead of expressing deep hurt, the wounded female lives a miserable existence and gripes and complains about everything. She becomes addicted to her misery because it allows her to forget about her anger, or at least postpone dealing with it. Her dependency on misery is just as difficult to break as someone else’s dependency on crack cocaine. Both are means to a different reality that allows for pain to be deferred.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

“They said a secretary should not question her boss’s personal life and a boss should not question his secretary’s personal life. But it was a Christian organization.”
― Stephen Arterburn, Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse