Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!! Quotes

“Remember when I said I did volunteer work at a no-kill animal shelter on the same day I insulted Janet at the gas station? Indeed, I had visited a no-kill animal shelter that day. But only to kill all the goddamn animals!”
― Douglas Hackle, Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!

“So don’t be jelly When I roll on through, Nabbin’ more ass than a goddamn zoo.”
― Douglas Hackle, Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!

“After logging into his computer and taking a few sips of coffee, Brian began his workday the way he always did: by closing his eyes and pressing his thumbs against his eyelids with the intent to kill himself by driving his thumbs back into the frontal lobes of his brain.”
― Douglas Hackle, Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!