My Best Friend's Ex Quotes

“Funny thing about true happiness, though. You never know it’s inside you until someone pulls it out.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“I hold back the laughter bubbling inside me. “Toes, can you wiggle them?” She almost seems drunk when she answers, “I have toes.” Your future nurse, ladies and gentleman. Be terrified.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“I start to drift back to sleep when my traitorous nose sends SOS signals to my stomach about the bacon-filled air floating under my door. Being the little bitch my stomach is, she betrays me in the nastiest way and grumbles loudly, churning in on herself, begging for a slice of bacon.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“She really needs to unclench because the sensation of her butt trying to slice off my finger is completely freaking me out right now. “Debra, I think it might help if you relax a little,” I suggest, praying for the throbbing in my finger to stop from lack of circulation. “How can I relax when you have your finger up my butt and a demonic smile on your face?”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“She takes a step forward and I take a step back. She sighs and continues, “Unless you haven’t moved on.”

“I have,” I answer quickly. There is doubt in my mind that I have. I don’t look at Sadie and wish she were still mine. I can’t. I feel like my heart has moved on but not my head. Isn’t it usually the reverse? Isn’t it the heart that takes longer to heal? If that’s the case, then why am I still all caught up in my head, like there’s a giant roadblock there, stopping me from making any goddamn progress?”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“I told you not to be salty.” “And I told you to fuck me. I guess we both don’t listen to each other.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“Don’t forget, Tucker. I’m the one with the hot pocket; you just hold the pepperoni. You need my warmth way more than I need your meat.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“It’s so bad that I want to stick my pinky finger in his pee hole and say, ‘goochey goo, I want you.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“all I want to do is rip his pants off, tap his penis and say, ‘I have a friend I want you to meet. It’s my vagina; want to have a play date?”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“Sometimes human touch is all you need to heal wounds. We opened some wounds between us this past week, and I want to heal them.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“And for your information, it’s polite to keep your condoms in your nightstand, not the medicine cabinet, unless you want me to start tossing my tampons around like fireworks, popping them in your face. Is that what you want, Tucker? Tampon fireworks? Because don’t test me, I will make it happen. I will make it rain period products.” Walking off, I shout, “Feminine hygiene will be your worst nightmare, son!”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex

“If the butter is removed from the kitchen, the butter is not allowed back in the kitchen. Respect the butter, respect your roomies, and keep genitals away from butter tub, even if said genitals can’t believe it’s not butter.”
― Meghan Quinn, My Best Friend's Ex