Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag! Quotes

“Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.”
― Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag!

“Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.”
― Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag!

“Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.”
― Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag!

“You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.”
― Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag!

“I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...”
― Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag!

“Of the little less than a million eligibles roaming around, 5 percent don't know their sign and don't even care. Another 5 percent are tied to their mothers by a food fixation. That leaves only 20 percent who are searching for a girl who will pick up their clothes, run their baths, burn her fingers shelling their three-minute eggs, run their errands, bear them a child every year, look like a fashion model, tend their needs when they are sick, and hold down a full-time job outside the home to make payments on their boat.”
― Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind...And Gag!