Shattered Quotes

“When a child dies, dreams go up in smoke. Long-held expectations are shattered. The future we planned on is gone. Part of us died with our child. We’re shocked, stunned. We get sad, and angry. In some cases, the anger in us festers and spreads. We grow bitter. Like anger, bitterness leaks. Similar to a slow but”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Loss is heavy. The death of a child is crushing. It shatters hearts. Once some of the shock dissipates, a deep and abiding sadness begins to leak out.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“My mind is never still. I’m always thinking about and looking for you.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Feeling lost can come from a sense of total separation from your child. Part of grieving is keeping them alive in your heart. They are a part of you, and staying connected to them somehow is important.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive.” —Haruki Murakami”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Guilt is sneaky. It is powerful and relentless. It accomplishes nothing. It is not our friend. Guilt keeps us from living. It keeps us stuck. It hinders positive and healthy grieving. We know this, but guilt is so familiar. We get its voice confused with our own. Beating ourselves up becomes as natural as breathing.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Grief is an ocean, and guilt the undertow that pulls me beneath the waves and drowns me.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“No wonder I’m afraid. Your death is like a nightmare.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” —C.S. Lewis”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“The loss of a child strips you to the core, and there are times you will have to remind yourself to breathe. Breathe! You can survive. You will survive.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“I’m anxious. That’s natural. Losing you is traumatic.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“I literally couldn’t talk, but I could cry. I did a lot of that. Still do. Sometimes tears are better than words anyway.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Shock is normal. The loss of a child is like being hit by an unexpected tsunami. It knocks us senseless. Shock can be momentary, or last for days or weeks.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“the loss of a child affects everything. I mean everything. It impacts all of us, our whole person—emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and relationally. It alters the present and the future.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“The loss of a child is a terrible thing. Unthinkable, unbelievable, and heartbreaking. Devastating, shocking, and crushing. Paralyzing, shattering, and traumatic. These are a few of the words grieving parents have shared with me. Whatever words we choose, they all fall far short of the reality.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“our hearts begin to adjust to this terrible loss, the grief isn’t necessarily better or easier, but different.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Birthdays are designed to celebrate another year of life. Our child’s birthday is a reminder of another year without them. Anniversaries typically mark special occasions, but when our child’s death-date rolls around, it can launch us back into acute, intense grief. These special days bring it all back. The pain can be incredible.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Our children are tremendously important. Even through their death, they teach us about life. Our child can assist us in discovering and defining our life’s purpose. This is part of their legacy to us. We can use our grief to honor them by living more intentionally than ever.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“How do we think about the future now? Will this ever get any better? Is it possible to find hope again?”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a team of brave hearts to help someone survive the loss of a child,” Marge”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Grief therapists are licensed professional counselors who specialize in grief recovery. They are licensed in the state they reside in as a mental health professional. Grief therapists charge for their services”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“When a child dies, we’re thrown into a forbidding wilderness that seems virtually unpopulated. We’re stunned, shattered, and feel very much alone. Then people start coming forward, or we happen to trip across them here and there. They too have lost a child. We can see grief we understand in their eyes and on their shoulders. Yes, they are in the same club.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Don’t worry or care about what others think of your grief. They haven’t been there.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“we feel we must say something, it might be best to come up with a canned response. “Thanks for your concern.” “Yes, I’m still grieving. I always will.” “I’m working on it.” We can’t control the words or actions of toxic people, but we can limit the access they get to our hearts.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“How do we respond to the toxic statements of others? One option is to not respond at all. Simply walk away. Unkind statements often don’t deserve a response. In”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Words can be sharp and cutting, even cruel. “Are you still grieving? What’s wrong with you? Pull it together.” “Life goes on. You should be over this by now.” “I thought you were better and stronger than this.” “People die. It’s part of life. You still have other children.” “Isn’t she better off now? You should be happy.” We’ve all heard similar, equally shocking examples we could add to this list. Why”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“As parents, we’re on grief overload. We yearn for our deceased child, and we hurt for our other kids too. Our hearts are doubly crushed. Parenting right now can feel about as doable as swimming unassisted across an ocean. Even with other kids in the mix, our focus should still be to grieve responsibly and in a healthy manner. We love our other kids by first taking good care of ourselves. If we don’t process our own grief, it will leak out in ways which will not benefit our families.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Loss affects marriages When a child dies, the family changes. All family relationships are affected, including marriages. Men and women tend to grieve differently. Many men are activity-project grievers. They solve problems, build things, tear stuff apart, exercise heavily, or head to the shooting range. Most women tend to be verbal-relational grievers. They seek connections, have coffee, talk, share, cry, text, and email. Men do things. Women relate. We speak different grief languages. This makes it even more challenging to communicate well during this time. Finding ways to grieve together is yet another obstacle (or opportunity) we get to face and tackle. Both spouses are chest-deep in heavy grief. Routines have changed. Emotions are running high. Our usual patterns of touch, physical affection, and sexual intimacy”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Don’t give others control over your heart.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

“Here is a basic guideline for healthy grieving: Get around people who are helpful to you, and limit your exposure to those who aren’t. We need people whose hearts are open, perhaps through being shattered like ours. We need people willing to show up, listen, and serve.”
― Gary Roe, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child