Saving Our Sons Quotes

“Popular magazines constantly scold men and try to improve males by telling them that, to become emotionally intelligent, they must “just listen to her, validate her, give her emotional feedback, then talk to her about what you’re feeling.” This is fine advice, up to a point. Everyone can become a better listener and every relationship needs better listening. But the admonishments against problem solving are just like those against painful competition in schools—they push the definition of emotional intelligence almost exclusively towards FEI.”
― Michael Gurian, Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys

“few things subvert true gender equality in the workplace more than a micro-aggressions mentality that condemns normal male behavior and “rescues” a particular young woman even when she hasn’t been harmed. Resentment follows among most males and even many females, and productivity declines.”
― Michael Gurian, Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys

“The thing most of them had in common was that a woman could argue she felt uncomfortable as a potential victim of masculinity. Yet feeling uncomfortable is not dangerous. “Feeling discomfort” is not hostile but in most cases, it is a positive challenge to the psyche, a method of self-appraisal, an invitation to civil argument, and a part of the maturation process of human beings.”
― Michael Gurian, Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys

“Society has the choice of whether to fight our natural and inherited abilities or channel them effectively. When we use the common sense of nature in our upbringing of boys, we work with boys not against them, and give them the love, structure, discipline, and wisdom they, as boys, need. When we accomplish this, we don’t create more random violence, we ensure less of it; we don’t make boys into men who victimize women, we ensure less victimization of women. In our lives as parents, mentors, and educators, we stop feeling as if we’re fighting against boys and masculinity; we start realizing how to work with boys and maleness. Consequently, our homes, schools, streets, and bedrooms start looking very different.”
― Michael Gurian, Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys

“we must absolutely deepen our understanding of male development—and alter the limited paradigms we use—right away. To keep saying that “masculinity” causes violence is to specifically not study epidemiological and toxicological causation for violence, and thus, perpetuate a cycle of violence and distress into the next generation.”
― Michael Gurian, Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys

“The three times rule is: let’s direct and correct the child each time he is too impulsive, but don’t punish him until the third time. The exception to this rule is, of course, if he is being violent or dangerous. When people punish boys for their first impulse rather than guiding them into a three times format, they are generally penalizing males unfairly for utilizing MEI to learn who to be and who to become.”
― Michael Gurian, Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy and Resilient Boys