The Four Tendencies Quotes

“It’s been freeing to focus on what works for me rather than what’s wrong with me.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“The happiest, healthiest, most productive people aren’t those from a particular Tendency, but rather they’re the people who have figured out how to harness the strengths of their Tendency, counteract the weaknesses, and build the lives that work for them.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“For each Tendency, one question matters most:
Upholders ask: "Should I do this?"
Questioners ask: "Does this make sense?"
Obligers ask: "Does this matter to anyone else?"
Rebels ask: "Is this the person I want to be? ”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. —Journal of Thomas Merton”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“The happiest and most successful people are those who have figured out ways to exploit their Tendency to their benefit and, just as important, found ways to counterbalance its limitations.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“We're more likely to be persuasive when we invoke the values that have special appeal for a particular Tendency:

Upholders value self-command and performance
Questioners value justification and purpose
Obligers value teamwork and duty
Rebels value freedom and self-identity
”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“In a nutshell, to influence some to follow a certain course, it's helpful to remember:

Upholders want to know what should be done
Questioners want justification
Obligers need accountability
Rebels want freedom to do something their own way
”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“The simple, decisive question was: "How do you respond to expectations?”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Questioners are often puzzled by others' willingness to act without sound reasons.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Questioners ... can add tremendous value to relationships and organizations by ensuring that they-and the people around them- don't unthinkingly accept expectations that aren't well justified”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“One parent of a Rebel explained, “The best way to wrangle the Rebel child is to give the kid the information to make a decision, present the issue as a question that he alone can answer, and let him make a decision and act without telling you. Let him make a decision without an audience. Audiences = expectations. If he thinks you’re not watching, he won’t need to rebel against your expectations.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“For Rebels, the ability to choose is so important that sometimes they make a choice—even when it’s against their own self-interest or it’s not what they prefer—just to reassure themselves that they can make that choice.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Rebels aren't persuaded by arguments such as 'People are counting on you,' 'You've already paid for it'...'Things should be done this way,' 'You have an appointment,' 'You said you'd do it'...'It's against the rules,' 'It's a tradition,' 'This is the deadline,' or 'It's rude.'

They're much more apt to respond to being told 'This will be fun,' 'This is what *you* want'...Rebels can do anything they *want* to do.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“As one Questioner pointed out, 'The Rebels' best asset is their voice of dissent. We shouldn't try to school it out of them, or to corporate-culture it out, or shame it out. It's there to protect us all.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“People often want to change a habit—one of their own or someone else’s. And one of the worst, most common mistakes when we’re trying to help someone change a habit? Invoking the dreaded “You should be able to…” • “If good health is important to you, you should be able to exercise on your own.” • “If you take this job seriously, you should be able to stick to this schedule I’ve drawn up.” • “If you want to make a sale, you should be able to bend the rules.” • “If you respect me, you should be able to do what I tell you to do, with no talking back.” • “If you respect yourself, you should be able to make time for your writing.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Every time you break the law you pay, and every time you obey the law you pay.” Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels, we all must grapple with the consequences of our Tendency—with its strengths and its weaknesses, its foibles and its frustrations.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“One of my Secrets of Adulthood is that we’re more like other people than we suppose and less like other people than we suppose.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“But it doesn't matter what we think a person (or ourselves) "should be able to" do - what matter is only what works for each individual.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“When we consider our own Tendency, we can create circumstances and messages that will work best for us, and when we consider other people's Tendencies, we can create circumstances and messages that will work best for them.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“So while [Upholds] live by the motto, 'Discipline brings freedom,' [Rebels] live by the motto: 'Freedom is my discipline.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Rebels often seek out careers that give them the flexibility to choose their work, set their own schedules, and avoid having to answer to other people.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“If I had to describe myself using only one word it would be "doesn't follow directions.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Rebels can do anything they want to do”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Understanding the Four Tendencies gives us a richer understanding of the world.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“by politely asking questions ..., we often can clarify our approach, prevent false steps and needless work, and end up with a better result”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“when encouraging Questioners to take action, it can be useful to remind them, "Just try it. It's an experiment.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“Remind the Obliger that saying no allows him or her to say yes to work that's more important”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“In fact, the Upholder commitment to meeting expectations can sometimes make Upholders seem…cold. There’s a relentless quality to Upholders. They’re going to do what must be done even, sometimes, if that means inconveniencing other people or being out of step.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better

“UPHOLDER/Obligers must be sure to articulate inner expectations and to create boundaries to protect inner expectations from outer interference.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better