The Unlikeable Demon Hunter Quotes

“We all sought affirmation. That’s why, as a species, we were such hypercritical assholes. We wanted proof we’d picked the right career or married the right person, even if said proof was of the at least we’re not them variety. We wanted our lives to tally in the positives column.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Breathing is an addiction. But once you’ve stopped for an hour, it’s reasonably easy to quit forever.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Even though his ass extended past the seat, it was so rock hard that it didn’t droop over the sides. I checked twice to make sure.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Taking my tree escape route, I dropped onto the ground with no attempt to be stealthy, since I wanted to be seen by whoever was on guard duty. The operative word being “seen.” Not tackled to the ground, hitting it with a hard whoosh as all my breath left me. Though that may have been for another reason as my body instinctively recognized the scent of iron and musk. “What have we here?” Rohan’s voice vibrated against me. I had to turn my head to answer or risk eating dirt. “Do you mean ‘we’ in the royal sense or are the voices in your head clamoring in unison?”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“The waitress arrived with Leo’s Coke and my water, asking for our orders– pulled pork poutine for me because, bad Jew, and a mushroom burger that I know Leo got so that I wouldn’t want a bite. Fungus was a medical condition to clear up with ointment, not food.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“An icy slither ran up my core as I stared at my right hand, its tremors Richter scale violent. Was this my demon-killing ability? Destined to be some supernatural whore luring hell spawn into back alleys for deadly rub and tugs?”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“My cheeks still bulging with wine, I properly scoped out the room. Mom? Check. Dad? Check. Ari? Check? Rabbi Abrams, here to perform the ceremony to induct my brother as the latest member in the Brotherhood of David, the chosen demon hunters? Check. I spit the wine back into what I now realized was a silver chalice and handed it to the elderly bearded rabbi. “Carry on,” I told him. Then I threw up on his shoes.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“What better way to lose that hangover headache than get drunk again? Oh, the joys of being Canadian with socialized health care and legal drinking age of nineteen. After a year (officially) honing that skill, I imbibed at an Olympic level. The red wine on the modular coffee table gleamed in a shaft of sunlight like its position had been ordained by the gods. I snatched up the crystal decanter, sloshing the liquid into the glass conveniently placed next to it. Once in a while, a girl could actually catch a break. I fanned myself with one hand. The myriad of lit candles seemed a bit much for Ari’s romantic encounter, but wine drinking trumped curiosity so I chugged the booze back. My entire body cheered as the cloyingly-sweet alcohol hit my system, though I hoped it wasn’t Manischewitz because hangovers on that were a bitch. I’d slugged back half the contents when I saw my mom on the far side of the room clutch her throat, eyes wide with horror. Not her usual, “you need an intervention” horror. No, her expression indicated I’d reached a whole new level of fuck-up. “Nava Liron Katz,” she gasped in full name outrage.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“What’s-his-name had started out with all the promise of a wild stallion gallop, but he’d ended up more of a gentle trot. I didn’t know if the fault lay with the jockey or the ride, but it had been a long time since I’d seen a finish line.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Mornings after sucked. Walks of shame were a necessary evil, but that didn’t mean I enjoyed shimmying back into the same trollop togs twice. I picked glitter out of my hair, then straightened my sequined top. I was officially decommissioning it. Multiple washings never quite managed to remove the lingering aura of bad decisions I made while wearing party clothes. My philosophy? Cross my fingers and hope for the most bang for the bucks spent later on new outfits.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“I’d pretty much spent my Hebrew school classes reading Sweet Valley High so I didn’t understand it, but I’d been to synagogue enough that the singing and ritualistic gestures were familiar.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Tell me, are you trying to get on their bad side?” “Nope. It comes naturally.” “Nava.” His tone was pure warning. “Lady Shock and Awe, Tree Trunk,” I said brightly. “It’s the only way I know how to live.” Damn it! Ari had been right.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Tell me, are you trying to get on their bad side?” “Nope. It comes naturally.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“No kissing.” That activity had been kiboshed over a year ago after a spectacularly disappointing session with one Elvis Persig. His fishy-lipped nibbling of my face had felt too much like the time I’d stuck my feet in one of those tanks for squirming, toothless carp to eat my dead skin. Except without the exfoliating benefit.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“I’d give freely of my body. My heart was off-limits. Especially to a guy like him. Seriously. I’d take the demons.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“nodded to show I’d heard. “What about free time?” “For all your scintillating hobbies?” Rohan plucked an apple out of the fruit bowl on the table and bit into it. “Yes. As well as the many good works I do.” He arched his eyebrow, miming giving a hand job. “Are you ever going to let that go?” He took another bite. “Not when there are still hours of fun to be had from it. You know you don’t have to jerk the demons off to kill them, right?” “It was one time.” He slapped the table. “Knew it! Baruch owes me twenty.” I groaned at the fact that I’d just confirmed his suspicions. “Don’t feel bad,” he said with a smirk, “I puzzled it out when reaching for the curupira’s dick was your first move.” “I couldn’t not reach for Mount Phallus. He was hung like a horse.” He held up his hands. “If that’s your kink, then hey, no judgment.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Hard to say what had been the highlight of that little disaster: drinking the ceremonial wine, vomiting, or the wardrobe malfunction that had released my left boob into the world and caused my dad to strain his back jumping in front of me to block the view. Go me.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Yes. As well as the many good works I do.” He arched his eyebrow, miming giving a hand job. “Are you ever going to let that go?” He took another bite. “Not when there are still hours of fun to be had from it. You know you don’t have to jerk the demons off to kill them, right?” “It was one time.” He slapped the table. “Knew it! Baruch owes me twenty.” I groaned at the fact that I’d just confirmed his suspicions. “Don’t feel bad,” he said with a smirk, “I puzzled it out when reaching for the curupira’s dick was your first move.” “I couldn’t not reach for Mount Phallus. He was hung like a horse.” He held up his hands. “If that’s your kink, then hey, no judgment.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Even when I beat the odds and did well, somehow things overwhelmingly sucked. Thanks for nothing, universe.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“He probably practiced that pose in the mirror, aiming for maximum bicep bulge under his fitted charcoal gray T-shirt. Rohan”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“The twin desires to both smack the smug off his face and rip off his pants to see for myself should have negated each other and yet, there they were. “Seriously, his stupid reality show Live like a King hits douchebag territory, but a demon?”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter

“Even with all the lights off, the room was as bright and insistent as Martha Stewart’s smile.”
― Deborah Wilde, The Unlikeable Demon Hunter