Signs of Emotional Abuse Quotes

“When someone chronically uses their words to put you down, control, or manipulate you—and then they deny it—they become true verbal abusers. The goal, whether or not the abuser recognizes it, is to gain dominance and control over you.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“75. Gives the silent treatment and stares you down. This is yet another childish reaction meant to intimidate or upset you. Your partner wants you to know how upset or angry she is, so rather than forthrightly discussing the matter, she stares you down with an angry smirk or a menacing glare to manipulate you into acquiescing.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“67. Acts indifferently to your feelings. No matter how wounded, insulted, offended, shamed, or angry you feel, your partner doesn’t seem to care. Your feelings aren’t justified and valid. In fact, your emotions are irritating to your spouse. You are overreacting, being ridiculous, or just trying to get attention in your abuser’s mind. Your emotions are met with a blank stare or a look of contempt.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“54. Exhibits many double standards. The message is loud and clear: “I’m too good for that, but you’re not.” Your spouse can sit around and watch hours of TV, but if you do it, you’re selfish and lazy. Your partner can yell and curse, but if you raise your voice, you’re acting like a bitch or a bastard. This emotional abuser gets carte blanche to do whatever suits him or her, but the same rules don’t apply to you.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Dismisses your feelings, thoughts, and experiences on a regular basis. “You’re too sensitive.” “Just get over it.” “You’re acting like a crazy person.” “That’s not what happened.” These kinds of dismissive comments are an attempt to diminish your essential self by making you question your emotions, judgment, and even reality. Not only does your abuser not listen to you, but she invalidates you by telling you that you’re wrong and misguided. It makes you question everything about yourself.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Belittling and trivializing you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams. Whatever successes you’ve enjoyed, whatever achievements you’ve obtained, whatever goals you set—your abuser will find a way to minimize them. You won’t see pride shining in his or her eyes for your success. Instead, you’ll see jealously, contempt, or passivity. The one person whose good opinion matters most to you refuses to give you a morsel of praise or support. 103. Regularly pointing out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. Rather than acknowledging and appreciating all your good qualities, your spouse has a way of honing in on every mistake you make and every perceived flaw you possess. He knows where you feel shame, vulnerable, or “lesser than,” and uses this knowledge as a weapon. During times when your partner feels insecure or angry, he will pick you apart until you begin to feel like you are worthless.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Demanding and Selfish Expectations Your emotionally abusive partner is far more focused on his or her needs and wants than yours. In fact, she doesn’t have much respect for your time and life priorities, especially if they conflict with hers. The expectation is that you put your abusive partner first, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Many emotional abusers view themselves as the dictator of the home. They think they are so above you and your children that they are excused from housework, childcare, or other tasks they find beneath them or simply don’t want to deal with. They require you to handle everything, or they passively leave it in your hands by refusing to participate. These abusers often need regular praise and attention from you to boost their egos and reinforce their power. But you will rarely receive the same attention from them. They can’t or won’t recognize your emotional needs or respond to your requests for support. If you point this out, the abuser will suggest you are being selfish or unloving.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Creates circular, never-ending conversations to confuse and exhaust you. Some abusers seem to thrive on stirring the pot with exhausting, circular arguments. They can go on and on with confusing, long-winded tirades that ultimately leave you so exhausted, you give up. You will say or do just about anything to avoid getting trapped in this vortex of confusion and contention—and that’s exactly what your abuser wants. 39.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“4. Presumes you are guilty until you are proven innocent. Rather than seeing you in the best light possible and assuming you have good intentions and judgment, your abusive partner begins with a presumption of guilt. You are forced to win your case in order to maintain his or her goodwill and faith in you. 5. Intentionally makes you so tired of arguing that you relent. Some abusers can and will argue endlessly. While you are exhausted and drained, he or she seems energized by fighting and pushing your buttons. They know you will eventually give in from sheer exhaustion. 6. Constantly “keeps score” to coerce you into doing what he or she wants. Your abusive partner knows exactly how many times who has done what and who owes whom. But it appears you are the one who is always in debt. If your abuser wants you to do something, he will dredge up some slight from the past or some “big favor” he’s done for you to guilt or shame you into action. 7. Makes you do humiliating or demeaning things. Her dog has once again pooped on the carpet, but somehow it’s your fault, and you have to clean it up. He’s not pleased with the waiter’s service, so he demands you both storm out of the restaurant after yelling at the poor server and humiliating you. You need the keys to the car, but he’s pissed you’re going out, so he throws them across the room for you to “fetch” like a dog.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Shows boredom when you talk, using crossed arms, head down, and deep sighs. Everything about your partner’s demeanor suggests that he or she has no use for what you are saying or doing. Body language speaks volumes, and the message is loud and clear here: “If you don’t shut up, I’m shutting you out.” 2. Says things to upset or frighten you. Maybe you are tender-hearted, sensitive, or easily upset. Your abusive partner has found your Achilles heel and is playing you for all it’s worth. If you don’t obey, go along, or toe the line, your partner is going to threaten and scare you into it.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Gives you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language. You know your partner all too well, and he or she doesn’t have to say much to get you to toe the line. You know that once his eyebrow begins to furrow or her arms start to cross, things can get really ugly. You’ve been trained by the slightest shift in expression or adjustment of the body that you better back down quickly or prepare for a blowup.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Makes you “earn” trust or kind treatment. All you want is to be treated with respect and kindness, but respect and kindness are conditional with your abusive partner. Maybe it doesn’t come until you have sex every night, buy her that new car she wants, or give in to his demands for control over everything. There’s”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“13. Monitors your telephone calls/texts or email contacts. This kind of monitoring is just another way of controlling you and crossing your personal boundaries. You feel like a child whose parent suspects you’re up to no good—except you aren’t a child. You’re an adult with a right to privacy and a right to contact whomever you wish without interference.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“Makes decisions that affect both of you or the family without consulting you or reaching agreement with you. An emotional abuser will attempt to put you in a secondary (or bottom-rung) position in the family by neglecting or refusing to include you in important decisions. He doesn’t want his position of power to be usurped or undermined if you have a differing opinion. She doesn’t really see you as an equal decision maker in the family, so why even consult you? Eventually you forget how to make decisions and rely on your abuser to manage things. 17. Withholds resources, such as money. If you have no means of getting help, standing up for yourself, leaving the relationship, or demanding your rights, then your abuser has gained the ultimate control. It’s hard to hire a counselor, retain a lawyer, buy your own car, or open a bank account when your abusive partner manages and controls all the money.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“An NCADV report offers these statistics: •     48.4% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner. •     4 in 10 women and 4 in 10 men have experienced at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime. •     17.9% of women have experienced a situation where an intimate partner tried to keep them from seeing family and friends. •     18.7% of women have experienced threats of physical harm by an intimate partner. •     95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also psychologically abuse them. •     Women who earn 65% or more of their households’ income are more likely to be psychologically abused than women who learn less than 65% of their households’ income.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“89. Blames you for life difficulties, problems, or unhappiness. Whatever bad things happen in your abuser’s life, whatever difficulties or unhappiness he or she experiences, it’s your fault. If he loses his job, it’s because you weren’t supportive enough. If she’s feeling depressed, it’s because you don’t make her happy. All these negative events are exacerbated by your partner’s blame, anger, and negativity.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship

“According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “Psychological abuse involves trauma to the victim caused by verbal abuse, acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Perpetrators use psychological abuse to control, terrorize, and denigrate their victims. It frequently occurs prior to or concurrently with physical or sexual abuse.” Psychological abuse in intimate relationships is not an infrequent occurrence.”
― Barrie Davenport, Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship