Popular Quotes

“Prioritizing likability over status means choosing to help our peers rather than exclusively satisfying our own needs, showing more interest in others rather than vying for more attention and power, and cultivating relationships more than “likes.” It’s making the choice to help others feel included and welcome rather than making ourselves feel superior. Attaining the most gratifying form of popularity comes from making the effort to fit in more than trying to stand out, and from doing what we can to promote harmony rather than focusing on how to dominate others.”
― Mitch Prinstein, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships

“Daniel believes that popularity is very much a part of the adult playground, affecting the innovation and productivity of corporations all over the world. He perceives something very adolescent in the workplace that reminds him of my class almost every day, he tells me. It’s a dynamic that plays out in every meeting and influences how every decision is made. “Here’s what happens,” Daniel explains. “After a meeting, everyone gets together in twos and threes around the watercooler, and then you hear what people really thought. And it’s all the stuff that didn’t get talked about at the meeting at all. I’m always amazed at the big difference, and I wonder, why the delta?” Daniel’s theory is that efficient decision-making in business has become hampered by popularity, or rather the fear of losing it. “People don’t want to lose status or have people dislike them,” he says. “There’s a lot of norming in a company, people going with the herd, following others. People are afraid to say what they think. I find it really interesting how much we overestimate how secure those around us are, and how much this still plays out for people in their thirties, forties, and fifties. They still need that validation from their peers. They really want people to like them, and when they think others don’t, it stings them for days, or months.”
― Mitch Prinstein, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships

“I hope Popular will promote a reconsideration of our culture’s current relationship with popularity. Society has become fixated on status and all of its trappings—fame, power, wealth, and celebrity—even though research suggests that this is exactly what we should be avoiding if we want to foster a culture of kindness and contentment. This is concerning for all of us, but perhaps especially for today’s youth who are being raised in a society that values status in new and potentially dangerous ways.”
― Mitch Prinstein, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships

“Their findings were remarkably consistent no matter where the research was conducted: those who wish for intrinsic rewards, like those that come from close and caring relationships, personal growth, and helping others, report far greater happiness, vitality, self-esteem, and even physical health. But wishing for extrinsic goals—fame, power, excessive wealth, and beauty—is associated with discontent, anxiety, and depression.”
― Mitch Prinstein, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships

“Do adults also use aggression to boost their status? Certainly. This type of behavior can take place at the individual level, like bad-mouthing a neighbor to make ourselves seem a little more worthy of attention, or in public, such as when Donald Trump’s poll numbers rose following every insult he lobbed at a reporter or opponent. Sometimes it is even global, as when a nation attacks a weaker foe to assert its dominant position. In each of these cases, the use of aggression is shortsighted, because while it may result in a temporary boost in status and offer a little jolt of social reward, it is not ultimately fulfilling the wishes that really matter.”
― Mitch Prinstein, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships

“Of course, many highly intelligent people like Dan find a place to feel comfortable in adulthood, when there is a bit less stigma to being smart. Others lose the US presidency to George W. Bush, who may have been the less qualified candidate in 2000 but seemed more likable to the American people than Al Gore.”
― Mitch Prinstein, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships