You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please) Quotes

“I am tall as a tree, And short as a bush, I will go very far, If you give me a push, I am known for my height, But not for my length, And doing my job, Requires no great strength. What am I?”
― Andrew Stanek, You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please)

“Nathan spotted a particularly attractive patch of nothing on the ground and leaned forward to inspect it further.”
― Andrew Stanek, You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please)

“Nathan and I fled the city of Dead Donkey and got on a bus to Las Vegas only to discover that Nathan had been doomed by Director Fulcher. You were then dispatched here by Overdirector Powell, to whom you have been reassigned, and together we deduced that Nathan’s doom could be reversed by locating an anti-doomed person who - according to the watch - is in this facility, though we didn’t know that at the time. Nathan talked his serial killer into killing him, sending Nathan to the afterlife, where he managed to get Director Powell to send him back to life with a watch capable of finding the anti-doomed person. After our bus driver fled the bus, the pilot drove it off a cliff, but”
― Andrew Stanek, You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please)

“Subsequently, the Nevada road beaver has adapted to the lack of rivers in Nevada by damming roads instead. Then, once a car stops for the dam, the beavers viciously savage whoever gets out of it, steal all their stuff, hijack the car, and drive it to a place that has an undammed river and non-radioactive air, like, say, Canada, then spend the stolen money on piña coladas that they then happily drink in the warm Canadian sun.”
― Andrew Stanek, You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please)

“as long as you have an agenda and stick to it you can make sure nothing accidentally gets done.”
― Andrew Stanek, You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please)

“Committee For Regulating the Size of Holes In Swiss Cheese.”
― Andrew Stanek, You Are Doomed. (Sign Here Please)