The Kill Society Quotes

“She looks like she just saw a ghost, a unicorn, and Hello Kitty having a three-way in a clown car and they didn’t invite her. I”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“The five of us are the big brains supposedly in charge of Hell. Really, we’re a bunch of second-rate mechanics trying to keep the wheels from coming off a burning gasoline truck skidding toward a school bus full of orphans and kittens.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I prefer Abomination. It fits better on a T-shirt. I’d comp you one, but we don’t have any big enough for your ego.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Nothing good has ever come from anything that begins with “God has a message for you.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“The winners are the schemers and the ruthless who take what they want, not the suckers standing around hoping for an even break.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“So far, being dead is about as much fun as a barbed-wire G-string. Yes, there is such a thing. They invented it in Hell, which is where I am. I already said I was dead. Where else would I be? Try to keep up.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I take a long drag on the Malediction like maybe it’ll start a tornado and carry me back home like Dorothy.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I might be dead and damned for all eternity but I’m not addle-brained. I remember.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I hope watching the Bradys depresses them as much as being trapped here in Creation’s shit pipe depresses me.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“The Bad Dad thing usually works. Hellions are big on pecking orders and I have to remind them regularly who’s at the top. Now they need a pat on the head from Good Dad before things go all Hansel and Gretel and I end up in the oven.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I say, “This Nazi Disneyland stuff, it’s too cheap and easy. It’s like something the Kissi would dream up.” That’s hitting below the belt. Calling a Hellion a Kissi is like calling Chuck Norris Joseph Stalin. Buer looks like he wants to stuff the blueprints down my throat with a road flare. Obyzuth and Semyazah look at me like they caught me eating cookies before dinner. Marchosias raises her eyebrows, which is about an inch from her challenging me to a duel at dawn.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“We have these meetings every couple of days. We’re rebuilding Hell after it went up in flames like a flash-paper bikini when the original Lucifer, the real Lucifer, blew out of town after sticking me with the job. The trouble for the rest of the Council is that I don’t know how fast I want Downtown back in working order.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Hellions just aren’t used to humans giving them back talk. That’s okay. I can use that. Let them find me a little strange. A little inexplicable. Playing the Devil is easier if no one has any idea what you’re going to do or say next.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“The Council is staring at me. I’ve been down here a hundred days and still, anytime I say anything but yes or no, they look at me like I’m a talking giraffe.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Marchosias”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Were those statues there before?” Buer waves his little cuttlefish tentacles and moves his finger across the paper. “They’re new. A different icon for each of the Seven Noble Virtues.” He’s not lying. They’re all there. All the personality quirks that give Hellions a massive cultural hard-on. Cunning. Ruthlessness. Ferocity. Deception. Silence. Strength. Joy. They’re represented by a collection of demonic marble figures with leathery wings and forked tongues, bent spines and razor dorsal fins, clusters of eyestalks and spider legs. The colonnades look like the most fucked-up miniature golf course in the universe and they’re on what’s supposed to be the new City Hall. “I have an idea. How about instead of the Legion of Doom we put up the Rat Pack and the lyrics to ‘Luck Be a Lady’?” “Excuse me?” says Buer. “What I mean is, it looks a little fascist.” “Thank you.” “That wasn’t a compliment.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Hellions look sort of like the little demons in that Hieronymus Bosch painting The Garden of Earthly Delights. Some look pretty human. Some look like the green devils on old absinthe bottles. Some are like what monsters puke up after a long weekend of eating other monsters. Buer looks like a cuttlefish in a Hugo Boss suit and smells like a pet-store Dumpster.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Short of flamethrowers, nukes, or a bunch of trained Drifter killers, the best strategy is nature’s simplest: run like you’re a zebra at a waterhole and a pride of lions just showed up with ketchup and silverware.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I’m Satan. I can deal with that and play “Smoke on the Water” while getting a lap dance on a runaway train all at the same time.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Instead they’re crying like a school bus full of little French girls whose ice cream all melted.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I didn’t sign up for any of this, but at worst I always thought being the Devil would be at least a little fun. Shooting BBs at Hitler as he tightrope walks over a lake of boiling lemon juice and broken glass. Playing Pin the Tail on the Stalin. After lunch, maybe a few rounds of Ted Bundy Whac-A-Mole.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“I’m on the edge of vomiting up everything I ever ate since childhood, strained peas to chicken and waffles. Damn. Wrong memories. My stomach starts doing a hillbilly two-step.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Geryon looks at me like I’m a moldy ham sandwich someone forgot in the back of the fridge at work.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Start talking or we’re going to see if you can dog-paddle through fire. I wonder if fried Hellion tastes like spicy or original recipe?”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“So now here I am, bouncing along in a truck with concrete shocks surrounded by a Hellion legion that smells like a fish-market Dumpster. I’m not usually the dragged-along-for-the-ride type. Usually, I’m the one doing the dragging, but I’m a little out of my depth here. Like Marianas Trench out of my depth. I fought in the arena long enough to know that sometimes the best strategy is to shut up, go along with the game, and make sure that someone is standing in front of me when the tentacles hit the fan. So far though, all my Cool Hand Luke plan has gotten me is a numb ass from sitting and a ringing in my ears from the engine noise. Worst of all, the unicorn is starting to smell good.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“With a coterie of unpleasant residents doing mischief with travelers.” “What’s a coterie?” “A somewhat large group.” “How large?” “Some say an army,” said Ipos. “But a minor one.” “Why didn’t you say so? It sounds completely reasonable.” “Good.” “No, it doesn’t. I was being sarcastic.” Merihim frowned.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“The smaller Hellion was in sleeveless black robes. Every inch of visible skin was tattooed in sacred Hellion script, like he’d been mugged by the tiniest graffiti crew in the universe. Big Boy looked like the Hulk’s runt cousin in rubber overalls. Dangling from his thick leather belt were enough vicious-looking tools to give Torquemada the vapors.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“The angel makes a sharp turn and shoots back at me. I shout some Hellion hoodoo and it has about as much effect as reading cupcake recipes to a lobster.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“Soon I see that I was right. A bright pinprick of light flares in the distance. It’s either Heaven or we’re about to get hit by the 3:10 to Yuma.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society

“She looks like she just saw a ghost, a unicorn, and Hello Kitty having a three-way in a clown car and they didn’t invite her.”
― Richard Kadrey, The Kill Society