Lying on the Couch Quotes

“Only the wounded healer can truly heal. (97)”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“What? 'Borderline patients play games'? That what you said? Ernest, you'll never be a real therapist if you think like that. That's exactly what I meant earlier when I talked about the dangers of diagnosis. There are borderlines and there are borderlines. Labels do violence to people. You can't treat the label; you have to treat the person behind the label. (17)”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“He had learned long ago that, in general, the easier it was for anxious patients to reach him, the less likely they were to call. (107)”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Nonetheless, the past is part of your present consciousness—it forms the spectacles through which you experience the present.”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Lying On The Couch

“Do you remember how glad Gepetto was when Pinocchio first danced without strings?”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“It strikes me, Ernest said, that he has lost his objectivity. It's so caught in the latter of these events and feelings, that he totally identified with them. We need to find a way to help him detach a little. We need to help him see himself from a distance, even from a cosmic perspective. Your client has become one with his problems – he has lost the feeling of continuity of the self that lives these events, which constitute only a small glimpse of his existence. And what makes matters worse is his assumption that the current unhappiness is going to be permanent — always the same. Of course, that's a characteristic of depression – the combination of sadness and pessimism.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“You can't live your life by always looking over your shoulder, always imagining that your friends are going to screw you.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“There is currently a real relationship, which is not determined by the past, which exists at the moment we are living; two souls who touch each other, influenced more by the future than by the distant past – by the still-no, by the destiny that awaits us. The friendship between us, the fact that we meet to face and endure the vicissitudes of life. And that a relationship of this form – pure, full of understanding, mutual, equal – sets you free and represents the most powerful force we have to heal.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“It's almost impossible for those who have had an intimate relationship to return to a formal one.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Знаєте, ми завжди святкуємо їх, немовби вони є приводом для радості, але я завжди гадав, що все навпаки — дні народження то сумні віхи нашого життя, які свідчать про його минущість, і ми святкуємо їх, аби подолати смуток.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“— Мій дідусь народився в Неаполі, — мовила Керол. — Я майже його не пам’ятаю, але пригадую, що він вчив мене грати в шахи. І коли ми закінчували партію й починали збирати фігури, він завжди говорив ту саму фразу, я чую його м’який голос навіть зараз: «Ось бачиш, Керол, життя подібне до шахової партії: коли гру закінчено, всі фігури — пішаки, королі, королеви — потрапляють до однієї коробки».”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Ці події та емоції настільки ним заволоділи, що він почав ототожнювати себе з ними... Ваш клієнт перетворився на обставини, в яких опинився, він втратив відчуття свого "я", яке переживає ці події як один із часових відрізків існування.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Страждання розвиваються за законами еволюції: вони існують, вони мають початок і кінець. Ви навіть можете спробувати згадати з ним моменти з його минулого: чи відчував він такий гнів або ж страждання раніше, чи пригадує він, що біль ущухав, бо ж і цей біль теж ущухне, перетворившись на ледь уловимий спогад.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Якби він не був таким вимогливим до себе, імовірно, він значно поблажливіше ставився б і до інших людей.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Nothing's ever worse than to go unnoticed through life.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“How wonderful it was to be loved so much by that selfless and magnificent man. And how awful, unbearable – here Carol cried even louder – to never see him again, to lose him forever!”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“Within minutes, melancholy engulfed him, as was usually the case in bookstores. Books everywhere, screaming for attention from the large presentation tables, shamelessly exposing their purple or iridescent green covers, piled up on the floor and patiently waiting to be put on the shelf, pouring out of the tables, sprinkled on the floor. Near the back wall of the store, huge piles of missed books were waiting with a sullen air to return to their forger. Next to them stood cardboard boxes still unopened, filled with young and brilliant volumes that burned with impatience to live their moment of glory. Ernest's heart trembled the moment he thought about his new baby. What chance did a frail soul have, in this sea of books, to swim and hold on to the surface?”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“— Well, while I was trying to break away from Laura, the image of an amoeba that splits in two suddenly came to mind – something I hadn't thought about since my biology class in high school. I was like the two halves of the amoeba that separate piece by piece, until there is only a thin trickle left to bind us. And then a noise – a painful crackling – and we separated. I got out of bed, got dressed, looked at the clock, and thought, "Just fourteen hours until I'm going to be in bed with Laura again, holding us in my arms." And then I came here.”
― Irvin Yalom, Lying on the Couch

“«Quello che mi colpisce» disse Ernest «è che abbia perso qualunque prospettiva. È così preso da tutti questi eventi e sentimenti che ha cominciato a identificarsi con essi. Dobbiamo trovare un modo per aiutarlo a prendere un po’ di distanza da sé. Dobbiamo aiutarlo a vedersi da lontano, persino da una prospettiva cosmica. È esattamente quello che stavo cercando di fare con lei, Carolyn, ogni volta che le chiedevo di esaminare qualcosa preso dall’ammasso di eventi della sua vita. Il suo cliente è diventato queste cose: ha perso il senso di un io persistente che sperimenta questi eventi per una piccola frazione della sua esistenza. E quel che peggiora le cose è che il suo cliente ritiene che la sua attuale disgrazia diventerà una condizione permanente nel futuro. Naturalmente questo è un elemento caratteristico della depressione, una combinazione di tristezza e pessimismo».
«Come si fa a interrompere questo meccanismo?»
«Ci sono parecchie possibilità. Da quel che mi ha detto, per esempio, è chiaro che per l’identità di questa persona il conseguimento di un risultato e la sua efficacia sono centrali. In questo momento deve sentirsi assolutamente indifeso, e terrorizzato per questa condizione. È successo che potrebbe avere perso di vista il fatto che ha delle scelte, e che queste scelte gli danno il potere di cambiare. Dev’essere aiutato a comprendere che la situazione difficile in cui si trova non è il risultato di un destino predeterminato, ma delle sue scelte: per esempio quella di venerare il denaro. Una volta accettato che è lui l’artefice della propria situazione, sarà anche possibile condurlo alla comprensione del fatto che ha il potere di uscirne: sono state le sue scelte a portarlo dov’è, saranno le sue scelte a tirarlo fuori da lì.
«Oppure» continuò Ernest, «probabilmente ha perso di vista la naturale evoluzione del suo turbamento attuale, che esiste in questo momento, ma ha avuto un inizio e avrà una fine. Lei potrebbe persino rivisitare le volte, in passato, in cui il suo cliente ha provato questa stessa rabbia e turbamento, e aiutarlo a ricordare il modo in cui quel dolore è svanito, così come il dolore presente, a un certo punto, si tramuterà in un ricordo sbiadito».”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Terápiás hazugságok

“یه مرد خوش قیافه فقیر با 1دلار و 50سنت برات یه کاپوچینو می خره.”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Terápiás hazugságok

“گذشته بخشی از شرایط امروزته. گذشته برات عینکی درست می کنه که باهاش زمان حال رو تجربه می کنی.”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Terápiás hazugságok

“این رویاها نظر فروید را در این باره که عملکرد اولیه رویاها حفظ خواب است اثبات می کرد. در این نمونه، فکر وحشتناک سوزاندن جسد به چیزی ملایم تر و دلپذیرتر تبدیل شده است: چهره دوست داشتنی و جذاب خرس آتش نشان. ولی این رویاها تنها تا حدودی موفق بود: هرچند باعث شده بود که ارنست خوابش را ادامه دهد اضطراب مرگ کل رویایش را در ترس فروبرد.”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Terápiás hazugságok

“چطور می توان مردی را به چنگ آورد؟
سئله ساده ایه، فقط باید به چشمان یک مرد خیره شد و چند ثانیه صبر کرد. همین!”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Terápiás hazugságok

“Seymour a Ernest: "A veces el destino nos coloca en una posición dónde lo correcto resulta equivocado”
― Irvin D. Yalom, Lying on the Couch