Healing from Hidden Abuse Quotes

“Do all abusers care if a survivor gets to a “No more” point? Not at all. Actually, most abusers could care less, and any exertion of empowerment by a survivor will be met with a full-on attack. I want advocates and survivors in the abuse recovery community to recognize that one size does not fit all when it comes to healing.   Let’s”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“After a survivor of psychological abuse has identified their Despair (Stage One), Educated themselves on the specifics of psychological abuse (Stage Two), and had an Awakening that recovery is possible (Stage Three), the next stage is implementing Boundaries.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“The Idealize phase is when manipulators and their new targets first meet.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“When God becomes a flying monkey to a poisonous religious leader, a vicious mingling of psychological abuse and spiritual abuse congeal.   The”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“This is because in the legalistic church, God (or pronounced “Gawd” if you’re in the southern regions of the country) is coming to smite those individuals who dare defy His earthly leadership. How dare you, survivor, try to bring any abuse to light?”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Some abusers on the middle-to-high end of the toxicity spectrum have absolutely no reservations about damaging survivors in any way possible, even to their complete destruction.   As”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Each one of us is more likely to believe someone when they point out our flaws and can connect what we know to be true about our character defects with their complaints of us. It is the perfect set up for the survivor to take the responsibility and allow the abuser to be completely off the hook.   Almost”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“The important point to remember is that most outwardly expressed emotions of psychological abusers are for a distinct purpose; that is usually to harm others in some way.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Survivors are receiving very poor “counseling” from ministry staff and volunteers who have no professional training in mental health. Church leaders cannot be expected to give informed advice regarding the type of abusive relationships that many therapists struggle to recognize and treat.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“The stereotype is that only men are narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. That is completely incorrect. There are many women who are the cause of intense relational harm.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“A soul sorrow. A level of exhaustion that is at times hard to explain. If you have experienced it, you know what it feels like deep within you. No amount of sleep can touch a weary and bruised soul.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Whenever we face our past wounds, fear will be there whispering all the reasons we should not even try.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“When things don’t go their way, they have no guilt causing stress. This is true even while on vacation or on days like birthdays, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. No day is sacred to them. Any occasion is open game for them to ruin with an adult temper tantrum.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“For now, I want you to know that all people who have encountered a hidden abuser blame themselves at some point. The reason individuals take on the blame is because they believe they wouldn’t be treated so badly by family, loved ones, colleagues, or in their place of worship if something wasn’t really wrong with them.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Bonded relationships are not the goal in toxic families. Siblings often will be pitted against each other. This is done so toxic parents maintain control over the relationships within the family, even when the siblings are adults. The triangulation may be overt or subtle, but the damage to the attachments among family members is still fully accomplished.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“There has been a trend towards some toxic church leaders and congregation members using “shunning” as a form of punishment towards individuals, couples, and even families. Why? The Scripture about not associating with the unrepentant is being twisted to justify psychologically abusing people by withholding relationship and support.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

“Your loved one was authentic in his or her feelings towards the other person. However, your loved one met a con-artist. The other person only pretended to have feelings for your loved one and strategically set up the entire "relationship" in order to meet her or his own abusive needs.   Toxic people derive great entertainment out of taking a healthy and happy person (your loved one) and completely ruining their life. Hard to imagine, right? As a therapist, I can tell you it is 100% true.”
― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse