Not This Thursday Quotes

“Did you know that being good with guns doesn't mean that you're also a good fighter? The two are not mutually exclusive. As I sat in a folding chair wrapped up in enough duct tape to hold a Sherman tank together, I had time to ponder that concept.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Get yourself killed?" she asked with raised eyebrows, reminding me that Donnie had remained silent as I'd predicted. "Nope. Help funny little carnival clowns who are in trouble. Also, his wife hired me. If I don't bring her some kind of explanation, she might not pass the word about how awesome a P.I. I am.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“I'm a private detective! Somehow I knew what that was and became very excited. Thoughts of someone named Sam Spade dribbled along the surface of my brain until I read the line that stated YOU ARE NOT LIKE SAM SPADE! in huge characters that had been gone over many times with multiple colors of ink. It must have been a recurring assumption that had to be squashed with very bold capital letters. To”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Listen to me," I commanded, "Albert is my tiny clown gnome. I'm getting you the other kind." Her”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“He's not a gnome, Adelle. He's a clown.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“I owed Adelle a gnome. Albert was a small person that, if seen through the eyes of someone who is maybe a little bit unstable, could be mistaken for a gnome. My snort of laughter wasn't exceedingly loud, but I was sure that Albert heard me.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Watch my midget clown. I'll be back." Eyebrows.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Was I bothered by what had just happened? Sure. Was I feeling a little Sam Spade-ish? You're damn right I was. The tingly-fuzzy feeling was telling me that I hadn't hit either of the men with a fatal shot and that I'd handled the situation perfectly. "It was kind of bad-ass," Albert mumbled. I could only grin at that. I'd just been thinking the same thing. “You’re”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Let's go, Donnie," I said, looking out the window at the damaged vehicle. "You just got out of the car and started shooting! That doesn't seem a little weird to you?" Albert shouted at me from less than a foot away. “Well, after they tried to blow a hole in my face there wasn’t much time for diplomacy. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't yell." “They shot at you first?” Albert asked. “You”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Laughter is a thing given to us for many purposes. It combats tragedy and pain, expresses joy, and allows for small clues as to the mental stability of the person producing it. I’m unstable, scared to death, and totally amused by the weirdest shit for the entirety of my life, which consists of one day. I’m like a gibbering housefly. I’m never bored, though.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“fired was so muffled that we barely heard it when one of our front tires was blown to shreds. "Do you think they'll let us change the tire and leave?" Eyebrows. "Right. We should maybe shoot back. Any idea where the shots are coming from?" "No.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Alfred." Eyebrows. Damnit. "Albert!" I shouted. "You've got to stop yelling when you suddenly remember something." "Maybe so, but I did remember it," I told him smugly. Donnie”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“You got beat up by a stripper? That's great!" “She almost shot you!” Almost, hell. “Yeah, but she didn’t kick my ass!” Eyebrows.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Eating a double-cheeseburger while interrogating a hitman may or may not be standard operating procedure.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Get over here and put your face in my lap.”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Mr. Thursday," the uglier of the two ugly guys began,”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“I explained it anyway. "You have to get up on your knees, put your face in my lap, and get that knife out with your teeth." "You're out of your damn mind." "No. It's the only way I can think of to get us out of this. You have anything better and less humiliating? I'm game if you do." He looked at me for a long time before speaking again. "I could get to my feet, turn around, and grab it with my fingertips." "And you'll be sitting in my lap with your hands next to my man parts." "Better than my mouth!" I”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“Hands on the back of his seat, Mason. I don't want any trouble," the small clown demanded. I”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday

“From now on, no short jokes. I had to be the bigger man about all of this.   ***”
― Wayne Lemmons, Not This Thursday