The Language of Letting Go Quotes

“Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Control: February 15 Sometimes, the gray days scare us. Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, unable to care for ourselves. When this happens, it’s hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen. In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That’s when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these “codependent crazies” strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling. When we’re in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil. People and things don’t stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: ourselves, our Higher Power, our support systems, and our recovery program. Often, after we’ve become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to us—with ease and naturalness. The sun begins to shine again. Isn’t it funny, and isn’t it true, how all change really does begin with us? I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness—myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that—one gray day.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we’re good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone we’re understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self-defeating behaviors. They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They can be an indication that we are not believing how good we are, that we’re good enough, that someone is hurting us. They can be a warning that we’ve allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we’re stuck in that cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us. Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do. The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we’re good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Intimacy: May 12 We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person’s character defects, then make it so big it’s all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance. We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy. We may tell ourselves we don’t want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs. Sometimes, we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who aren’t available for intimacy—people with active addictions, or people who don’t choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch. We’re afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. We’re afraid that closeness means we won’t be able to own our power to take care of ourselves. In recovery, we’re learning that it’s okay to let ourselves be close to people. We’re choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, we’re learning that we can own our power with people, even when we’re close, even when the other person has something we need.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it—even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set myself and others free.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Today, I will understand that I hold the key to my freedom. I will stop participating in my oppression and victimization. I will take responsibility for myself, and let others do as they may.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Today, I will relax, breathe, and go with the flow.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Can you feel the rush? Listen quietly. It’s there. It’s the sound of a life and spirit being set free. God, help me set myself free from ridiculous and unnecessary expectations.”
― Melody Beattie, More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations

“Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Not acknowledging our feelings is what keeps us stuck and gives us stomachaches, headaches, and heartburn.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“We can own our power with people. Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to another’s needs will affect the course of your life. We live or own life by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands control the course of our life. We can let them have their demands and expectations; we can allow them to have their feelings. We can own our power to choose the path that is right for us.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Today, God, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept myself, others, and my circumstances. Take me one step further, and help me feel grateful.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Vulnerability: January 8 Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on “feelings freeze mode” when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don’t want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share. In fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves. That was yesterday. Today, we don’t have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don’t have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life. We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that’s appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don’t have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior. Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it’s showing us we’re going in a wrong direction; maybe it’s triggering a deep healing process. It’s okay to feel hurt; it’s okay to cry; it’s okay to heal; it’s okay to move on to the next feeling, when it’s time. Our willingness and capacity to feel hurt will eventually be matched by our willingness and capacity to feel joy. Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain. Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. I am willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Detaching with Love: October 20 Sometimes people we love do things we don’t like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we’re all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates. When do we detach? When we’re hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play—an attempt to control or force others to do something they don’t want to do. When the way we’re reacting isn’t helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we’re reacting is hurting us. Often, it’s time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do. The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don’t help. The next step is getting peaceful—getting centered and restoring our balance. Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution. Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Feeling good about ourselves is a choice. So is feeling guilty.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Control: May 5 Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy. What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It’ll keep right on whirling. It’ll stay right on track with no help from us. And we’ll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it. Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we’ve been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life. I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events. In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better—a life that is manageable. Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Today, I will trust that God will do for me what I cannot do for myself. I will do my part—working the Twelve Steps and letting God do the rest.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“We can ask for information and use words to forge a closer connection, but we don’t have to take people around the block with our conversations. We don’t have to listen to, or participate in, nonsense. We can say what we want and stop when we’re done.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Prayer and meditation help us affirm that our Higher Power cares for us.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Prayer and meditation help us affirm that our Higher Power cares for”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“To believe in people, to believe in each person’s inherent ability to think, feel, solve problems, and take care of themselves is a great gift we can give and receive from others.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Do not trust fear. Do not trust panic. We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, stand in our own light. We have it now. Already. We have all the light we need for today. And tomorrow’s light shall be given to us then.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“Everything comes at its appointed moment. —Joseph R. Sizoo”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“I’ve learned I can take care of myself, and what I can’t do, God will do for me. —Al-Anon member”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

“We don’t have to feel guilty whenever we experience anger. We don’t have to feel guilty. Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency