It Takes One to Tango Quotes

“Most of us come into marriage poorly equipped to deal with disappointment and its painful counterpart: being the one who has disappointed our spouse. Until we develop the tolerance (and self-soothing) we need, most of us react to disappointment as if we’ve been dealt some grave injustice, as if we were entitled to have things as we prefer. And when our spouse is disappointed in us, we’re more likely to insist that their disappointment is unwarranted, that we are innocent of any wrongdoing, than to accept that we cannot do and be all that our partner wants.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“he and his fellow psychologists in training were entering the locked ward at the psychiatric hospital, the chief of psychiatry asked how many of them had ever been on the other side of the door. “The people in there are not nearly as scary as you might imagine,” the doctor”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“Giving up is when you hold yourself back because your partner is holding himself back, because he’s fearful or proud or resistant to change, or because she’s run out of hope and is simply hunkering down. Giving up is when you put the brakes on your longing for a healthier, more vital relationship because conventional wisdom says one person shouldn’t have to do “more.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“that’s about you, despite your concerns that it’s not fair, that you’re not the only person with issues, or that “going it alone” lets your spouse off the hook.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“Some spend years arguing, or they give up and settle for a less-than-satisfying marriage. Some think their only option is to get a divorce. The alternative, of course, is to stop waiting for your spouse to join in the effort and to get to work on the part”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“change in a marriage is created unilaterally, not by agreement and never by threat. Change comes about when one person makes a commitment to change him- or herself. Trying to change the other person is a complete waste of time.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“The only way out of your repetitive struggle is to accurately name your patterns of interaction, to catch sight of them as they unfold, to be aware of the meaning you make of each other’s actions and reactions, to recognize the binds you’ve set up for yourselves and the dilemmas you face—to see that you’re locked into your frustrating, repetitive behaviors because the dilemmas you’re trying to resolve with your partner are really ones you need to resolve yourself.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“Until we know what’s at the root of our anxiety-laden response—what’s made it a supercharged issue for us in the first place—we’ll end up taking our partner on when it would be far wiser to take ourselves on instead.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“Once your reaction goes above four on the emotional Richter scale, you can assume that whatever is going on in the present is being intensified by unresolved issues that you’ve carried from your past.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“TROUBLE SIGN 2: COUPLES WHOSE ACTIONS DON’T MATCH THEIR WORDS”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“TROUBLE SIGN 1: COUPLES WHO CAN’T SPEAK WITHOUT UNCONDITIONAL APPROVAL”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“It’s deadly to compromise the core parts of yourself. The work of therapy is to build greater emotional capacity and resiliency. You have to go against your natural instinct for self-preservation if you want to grow. You’ll have to take risks.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too

“Being able to stand on your own is the mark of a powerful person. Powerful people go out on a limb and have the gumption to stay there. They’re able to hold a necessary position, no matter how anxious or isolated or foolhardy they might feel. They don’t sit around longing for change or asking permission or waiting for their spouse to give them a round of applause. They keep their own light shining—and wouldn’t be caught dead whining about having to go more than halfway.”
― Winifred M. Reilly, It Takes One to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse—and How You Can, Too