The Mutual Admiration Society Quotes

“If I’d told the librarian the truth, which was that I thought her idea stunk up the joint because when I grew up I was going to keep being exactly what I already was—an eavesdropper, liar, shoplifter, cat burglar, poison-pen writer extraordinaire, and top-notch blackmailer—because she goes to Mass at St. Catherine’s Church, the same way most everybody around here does, I’m pretty sure that’d get around the neighborhood in nothing flat. “Yes.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“The church smells of incense and floor polish this morning the way it always does, which is nice, but it’s the way the sun is passing through the stained glass that’s my favorite part. Especially the way it’s slanting into the window that belongs to St. Joan of Arc. I admire that she was a fighter, but I can’t help but wonder if being a French slut like Suzie LaPelt is why that kid really got turned into French toast, because I’m 100% positive Louise and the other gals in the parish wouldn’t mind throwing Daddy’s barmaid into a bonfire, either.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“even though we’re Catholic—a religion that gives extra credit for baby breeding—Birdie and me don’t have the pick of the litter the way most everyone else around here does.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“so I could figure out who it was—I am an ace at that sort of thing—I right away “assumed” that it was Mr. Howard Howard, because every once in a while (mostly after he’s been hitting the schnapps bottle), he staggers over to the cemetery in the wee hours to collapse in a heap on his wife’s grave to”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“confessional curtain every Thursday and start clapping her hands and laughing her heinie off because she thought she was about to see a puppet show. 7:49 a.m. The Finley sisters have big-deal detecting to do today and”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“PARTY POOPER I, Theresa Marie “Tessie” Finley, hereby confess that on the night of October 17th, 1959, instead of keeping my ears to the ground and my eyes peeled for suspicious goings-on in our neighborhood, the way I swore to do on the Holy Bible, I screwed up really bad. For cripessakes, any president of a blackmail and detecting society worth their salt would’ve at least poked their head outta their bedroom window at 12: 07 a.m. to see who was hollering their head off in the cemetery behind their house, “I’m warning you! Watch yourself! You’re treading on dangerous ground!” But what did I do? I acted like some dumb schmoe who doesn’t know the score. According to Chapter One in what has to be the best book ever written on the subject, Modern Detection, a private investigator is never supposed to “assume” they know something without having proof and they’re also never supposed to “let emotions cloud their judgment.” But the minute I heard that hollering over at Holy Cross, I’m ashamed to say, instead of really listening to the voice barging through our bedroom window so I could figure out who it was—I am an ace at that sort of thing—I right away “assumed” that it was Mr. Howard Howard, because every once in a while (mostly after he’s been hitting the schnapps bottle), he staggers over to the cemetery in the wee hours to collapse in a heap on his wife’s grave to bawl his eyes out and threaten God that He better give his Mrs. back ASAP or else. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I also let my emotions cloud my judgment, because Mr. Howard Howard and me, we have that in common. I could be an expert witness on sad”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“Grievers’ hearts can only take so much before they bust into a million little pieces.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“If her son can forgive his mother for committing the worst mortal sin then it doesn’t make sense that the Son of God, whose job it is to be all-forgiving and all-loving, would send Mrs. Garfield to Hell for ending her life before He could. That’s nothing but all-sour-grapes in my book. The”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“Time can fly faster than Dracula, but it can also stagger like Frankenstein. PROOF:”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“Along with a very smart brain and a very coordinated body, I got born with the personality of a trampoline so most of the ratty stuff people say about me bounces right off.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“Beauty can help fill the cracks in people’s hearts and comfort their souls.”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“Beauty can help fill the cracks in people’s hearts and comfort their”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society

“Beauty can help fill the cracks in people’s hearts and comfort their souls.” There”
― Lesley Kagen, The Mutual Admiration Society