What Reggie Did on the Weekend Quotes

“As I sailed down the road people began screaming to get away. You know, from the vomit. I realised that this vomiting caper was almost like having a super power. Maybe I could get people to do what I wanted or threaten to drown them in vomit. I could rule the world! Or, even better, I could steer my raft to McDonalds and demand a year’s supply of free cheese burgers or I’d fill the drive-thru with vomit!”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“On the weekend, I accidently ate cabbage. It all started when Ma plonked a steaming, slimy pile of it on my dinner plate. I looked at it. I looked at Ma. Ma looked at me. I said, “What do you expect me to do with this?”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Make cabbage illegal (anyone caught growing, cooking, or eating cabbage will be sent straight to prison). Make ice-cream free (duh!) Make it the law that bread must be baked without crusts. Ban school. (This could be going too far. I might decide that school can be taught on Wednesdays. Wednesday mornings. I’ll think about it.) Make the 25th of every month Christmas Day (or just Lots of Presents for Kids Day if you don’t do Christmas). Make it the law that parents have to take kids to Disneyland at least twice a year, (more if they want to). Order all the scientists to work out why you can’t tickle yourself and what the purpose of snot is. Make showering optional. For me. If I decide that you stink, then you must shower. Change dinner time around so that dessert has to be eaten first. Ban all lumps from yoghurt.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“On the weekend my friend, Jimmy, invited me over to his place to see his fart collection.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“How I Accidently Ate Cabbage On the weekend, I accidently ate cabbage. It all started when Ma plonked a steaming, slimy pile of it on my dinner plate. I looked at it. I looked at Ma. Ma looked at me. I said, “What do you expect me to do with this?” She said, “Eat it.” I said, “But you know I don’t eat cabbage.” She said, “You’re old enough now to eat cabbage, Reggie.” I said, “Nobody ever in the history of the universe has been old enough to eat cabbage.” She said, “Eat it.” I said, “No.” “Eat it.” “No.” “Eat it.” “No.” “Eat it or you don’t get any ice-cream.” “That’s fine. I don’t even like ice-cream.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“On the weekend I made up some cool sounding superhero names. Just in case I ever need one. I have to say, it was quite difficult because, you know, it’s important to get just the right tone. Here they are: Farty McFart Pants Stinky McFarter Captain Fart-a-lot The Fartinator”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“that tape-measure and leave you here with the squashed meatball.” I thought she was joking so I measured her butt.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“What Reggie Did on the Weekend Seriously!”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“again at 4am I blitzed the cabbage until it was individual molecules and I baked the molecules of cabbage into my double choc chip muffins…and ahahahahahahah…you can’t taste the cabbage Reggie you’re eating cabbage!! I win! I win! I haven’t had any sleep but I WIN!! Ahahahahahahah!!” Dad, Jon, Ron, Don, Lon, and Con all tried to calm her down but nothing worked. She kept cackling and dancing. When Dad threw a bucket of cold water over her and that still didn’t work he went to the phone”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“Ma stood up and I tried to measure her butt and she said “Try it and I’ll tie you up with that tape-measure and leave you here with the squashed meatball.” I thought she was joking so I measured her butt.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“rule the world! Or, even better, I could steer my raft to McDonalds and demand a year’s supply of free cheese burgers”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“So once we have the supersonic fart gun and everybody in the world is doing what I tell them, it will be time to make some changes. Here’s my list of changes (it’s only a rough draft at this stage): Make cabbage illegal (anyone caught growing, cooking, or eating cabbage will be sent straight to prison). Make ice-cream free (duh!) Make it the law that bread must be baked without crusts. Ban school. (This could be going too far. I might decide that school can be taught on Wednesdays. Wednesday mornings. I’ll think about it.) Make the 25th of every month Christmas Day (or just Lots of Presents for Kids Day if you don’t do Christmas). Make it the law that parents have to take kids to Disneyland at least twice a year, (more if they want to). Order all the scientists to work out why you can’t tickle yourself and what the purpose of snot is. Make showering optional. For me. If I decide that you stink, then you must shower. Change dinner time around so that dessert has to be eaten first. Ban all lumps from yoghurt. Actually, ban lumps from everything. Lumps are unnecessary. Nothing was ever made better with lumps. Ban the word ‘lump’. That’s all I’ve got so far.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“So, obviously, the first thing I need to do is have some way of making everybody in the world do as I say. A supersonic ray gun should do the trick. I sat and thought about this for a while and realised I had one major problem. I don’t know how to build a supersonic ray gun.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“He hated his bedroom, he hated his swing set, he hated his trampoline, and he hated his bike.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I really hate that Luke,”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I have to say, it was quite difficult because, you know, it’s important to get just the right tone. Here they are: Farty McFart Pants Stinky McFarter Captain Fart-a-lot The Fartinator The Vominator The Snotinator (he has a gun called the Booger Blaster) Captain Poop-a-lot Captain Booger Butt”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I took the bucket off my head. I looked at the carriage. The baby was NOT sitting in the carriage watching me. The baby was GONE. I looked under all the bushes, and up the tree, but I couldn’t find the baby. I’d lost the baby. Losing a baby is bad. I panicked. I ran inside and took a potato from the kitchen. From under my bed I scooped up lots of fluff and dust bunnies and stuck them to the top of the potato with my glue stick. I drew a face on the potato. I ran outside and put the potato-baby in the carriage. Maybe Mrs Whitman wouldn’t notice that it wasn’t her baby.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“myself.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“soggy, cooked, room temperature, chilled, reheated, chilled again”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“farts”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“room temperature, chilled, reheated, chilled again cabbage”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“The talking hotdog disappeared and the soggy, cooked, room temperature, chilled, reheated, chilled again cabbage”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“my”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“made friends with a piece of cheese. I know that sounds weird, but hear me out. It all began when Ma gave”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“email: Lee@LeeMWinter.com or via facebook Visit my website at LeeMWinter.com Table of Contents How I Accidently Ate Cabbage The Amazing Vomiting Boy There’s a Fly in My Ice-Cream The Fart Collection His Fries are Longer than Mine My Plan to Take Over the World Superhero Names The Terrible Day at the Beach Getting Rid of My Monster Some Poems The Man Who Wasn’t Very Nice I Like to Poop at Home The Baby and the Goat My Friend Cheswick Getting Rid of Cheswick”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“BUT, you never know when my schedule will free up and I might decide to take over the world. When that happens, it will be good to have a plan. So, obviously, the first thing I need to do is have some way of making everybody in the world do as I say. A supersonic ray gun should do the trick. I sat and thought about this for a while and realised I had one major problem. I don’t know how to build a supersonic ray gun. Think, Reggie! I said to myself. Well, okay, if you break it down into parts then a supersonic ray gun will need…ah…rays…and, um, supersonic-ness. This was going to be harder than I thought. Luckily, I remembered my friend Jimmy and his fart collection. Instead of making a supersonic ray gun I could team up with Jimmy and together we could make a supersonic fart gun! It was brilliant.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I’d never seen a fart collection before so I thought, why not? I didn’t even know how a person collected farts, although it wasn’t a bad idea. My dad is always saying you should keep everything because you never know when you’ll need it again.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“farted. I could still smell it.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“farted.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!

“I’ve named him Bert.”
― Lee M. Winter, What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously!