A Quiet Kind of Thunder Quotes

“Panic attacks are a lot like being drunk in some ways, you lose self-control. You cry for seemingly no reason. You deal with the hangover long into the next day.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Little victories are everything in a world where worst-case scenarios are on an endless loop in your head.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Here are three separate but similar things: shyness, introversion and social anxiety. You can have one, two or all three of these things simultaneously. A lot of the time people thing they're all the same thing, but that's just not true. Extroverts can be shy, introverts can be bold, and a condition like anxiety can strike whatever kind of social animal you are.

Lots of people are shy. Shy is normal. A bit of anxiety is normal. Throw the two together, add some brain-signal error - a NO ENTRY sign on the neural highway from my brain to my mouth perhaps, though no one really knows - and you have me.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“I decide this is just A Bad Day. We all get them, because grief doesn't care how many years it's been.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“I want the world, I think. Even if it scares me.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“And then it happens. The panic. It's slow at first, creeping through the cracks in my thoughts until everything starts to feel heavy. It builds; it becomes something physical that clutches at my insides and squeezes out the air and the blood.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Doesn’t she know? Doesn’t she get it? That in anxious heads like mine all it takes is a few words to bring a careful foundation tumbling down?”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Here’s the thing about anxiety: it’s not rational. It’s not rational, but it’s still real, and it’s still scary, and that’s OK”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“With lightning, you're never really sure if that's what it was; it's just a flash. Thunder, you know. You feel it.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Meekness is my camouflage; silence is my force field.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Bad brain: You know that thing on Saturday? It's going to be a disaster.
Good brain: No, it won't. It'll be fine.
Bad brain: You'll say something stupid.
Good brain: No, you won't.
Bad brain: Yeah. You will.
Good brain: OK, yeah, you will. But that's not a disaster.
Bad brain: Yeah it is. Rhys will be like, damn, I've made a mistake here.
Good brain: No, he won't.
Bad brain: Yeah. He will.
Good brain: That might happen, actually.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“What if I speak at the same time as someone else? What if no one hears me and I have to repeat myself? What if I say something stupid and they all look at me weirdly? Why would anyone care what I have to say anyway?”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“What are you thinking, Steffi? What are you thinking?
Everything, all the time.
You're so quiet, Steffi. Why are you so quiet?
But in my head it's so loud.
I'm sure everyone has an inner monologue, but I doubt many are as wordy as mine.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Things I worried about on the bus: a snapshot of an anxious brain . . . Is that car slowing down? Is someone going to get out and kidnap me? It is slowing down. What if someone asks for directions? What if—Oh. They’re just dropping someone off. The bus is late. What if it doesn’t arrive? What if I’m late getting to school? Did I turn my straighteners off ? What if the bus isn’t running today and no one told me? Where’s the—oh. There’s the bus. Oh crap is that Rowan from Biology? What if he sees me? What if he wants to chat? Hide. Okay, he hasn’t seen me. He hasn’t seen me. What if he did see me and now he thinks I’m weird for not saying hi? Did I remember to clean out Rita’s bowl properly? What if she gets sick? One day Rita will die. One day I’ll die. One day everyone will die. What if I die today and everyone sees that my bra has a hole in it? What if the bus crashes? Where are the exits? Why is there an exit on the ceiling? What if that headache Dad has is a brain tumor? Would I live with Mum all the time if Dad died? Why am I thinking about my living arrangements instead of how horrible it would be if Dad died? What’s wrong with me? What if Rhys doesn’t like me? What if he does? What if we get together and we split up? What if we get together and don’t split up and then we’re together forever until we die? One day I’ll die. Did I remember to turn my straighteners off ? Yes. Yes. Did I? Okay my stop’s coming up. I need to get off in about two minutes. Should I get up now? Will the guy next to me get that I have to get off or will I have to ask him to move? But what if he’s getting off too and I look like a twat? What if worrying kills brain cells? What if I never get to go to university? What if I do and it’s awful? Should I say thank you to the driver on the way off ? Okay, get up, move toward the front of the bus. Go, step. Don’t trip over that old man’s stick. Watch out for the stick. Watch out for the—shit. Did anyone notice that? No, no one’s looking at me. But what if they are? Okay, doors are opening, GO! I didn’t say thank you to the driver. What if he’s having a bad day and that would have made it better? Am I a bad person? Yeah but did I actually turn my straighteners off ?”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Here are three separate but similar things: shyness, introversion and social anxiety. You can have one, two or all three of these things simultaneously. A lot of the time people thing they're all the same thing, but that's just not true. Extroverts can be shy, introverts can be bold, and a condition like anxiety can strike whatever kind of social animal you are.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“There are some people you will do anything for if they really need you”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Tem is always the one who takes the lead, who makes the friends. The needed one. I am the one who needs, the one who misses.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“I can understand people just fine," I grumble, flicking my fingernails against the skin of my thumb. "But can they understand you?" Jane asks gently. "Remember life is about dialogues, not monologues.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Here's the thing about anxiety: it's not rational. It's not rational, but it's still real, and it's still scary, and that's okay.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“There’s no such thing as getting your hopes up if you’re anxious. Little victories are everything in a world where worst-case scenarios are on an endless loop in your head.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“shake my head. “These aren’t supposed to happen,” I say. “I’m on medication. I’m happy. It’s meant to go away now.” “Steffi,” Jane says, still gentle, still calm. “You know that’s not how it works.” “Why not?” “Because anxiety doesn’t care if you’re happy or not,” she says patiently. “Just like cancer doesn’t care if you’re happy. Or a broken leg. Or diabetes.” “That’s not the same.” “Blaming yourself for your illness will hinder your recovery process,” Jane says. “It won’t help. If you tell yourself you’re not allowed to have panic attacks because you’re ‘meant to be happy,’ it will make you feel worse. It will feed the negative emotions.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Shall we talk through what’s worrying you?” he asks, patient as a saint. “People.” “The Gold family, or the staff at the restaurant?” “Both.” “Because you’ll need to talk to them?” I nod. “The Gold family invited you,” Dad says. “They’ve spent an evening with you before, and they enjoyed your company. They’ve invited you to share an evening with them again. Because they know they will enjoy your company again. And why wouldn’t they? You are a sweet, kind, interesting girl.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Things I worried about on the bus: a snapshot of an anxious brain . . . Is that car slowing down? Is someone going to get out and kidnap me? It is slowing down. What if someone asks for directions? What if—Oh. They’re just dropping someone off. The bus is late. What if it doesn’t arrive? What if I’m late getting to school? Did I turn my straighteners off ? What if the bus isn’t running today and no one told me? Where’s the—oh. There’s the bus. Oh crap is that Rowan from Biology? What if he sees me? What if he wants to chat? Hide. Okay, he hasn’t seen me. He hasn’t seen me. What if he did see me and now he thinks I’m weird for not saying hi? Did I remember to clean out Rita’s bowl properly? What if she gets sick? One day Rita will die. One day I’ll die. One day everyone will die. What if I die today and everyone sees that my bra has a hole in it? What if the bus crashes? Where are the exits? Why is there an exit on the ceiling? What if that headache Dad has is a brain tumor? Would I live with Mum all the time if Dad died? Why am I thinking about my living arrangements instead of how horrible it would be if Dad died? What’s wrong with me? What if Rhys doesn’t like me? What if he does? What if we get together and we split up? What if we get together and don’t split up and then we’re together forever until we die? One day I’ll die. Did I remember to turn my straighteners off ? Yes. Yes. Did I? Okay my stop’s coming up. I need to get off in about two minutes. Should I get up now? Will the guy next to me get that I have to get off or will I have to ask him to move? But what if he’s getting off too and I look like a twat? What if worrying kills brain cells? What if I never get to go to university? What if I do and it’s awful? Should I say thank you to the driver on the way off ? Okay, get up, move toward the front of the bus. Go, step. Don’t trip over that old man’s stick. Watch out for the stick. Watch out for the—shit. Did anyone notice that? No, no one’s looking at me. But what if they are? Okay, doors are opening, GO! I didn’t say thank you to the driver. What if he’s having a bad day and that would have made it better? Am I a bad person?”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Mum has had an anxious daughter for sixteen years, and she still doesn’t seem to get the concept of little victories. That spending an evening where I wasn’t feeling sick every time someone asked me a question is actually a really big deal, and the fact that it might just be a one-off is the kind of thing I’m already worried about. There’s no such thing as getting your hopes up if you’re anxious. Little victories are everything in a world where worst-case scenarios are on an endless loop in your head.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“This is going to be the kind of thing I remember in the middle of a normal day in like five years time.
Hey, Steffi, remember when you made a complete twat of yourself?”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“For some people, SSRIs change their life—like a fog lifting, they say. Others say it doesn’t actually make much of a difference, that their anxiety remains, or in some cases it actually worsens. Which group I will fall into remains to be seen. I hope I’m one of the lucky ones. God, I hope so. “They’re not magic pills,” Dad cautioned. “It’s not going to be a miracle cure. You know that, Stef-Stef ?” Of course I know that. But I can still hope.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“So, no, I’m not putting it on and, yes, it is a real thing. It just happens to be a real thing that a lot of people haven’t even heard of, let alone understand. What are you thinking, Steffi? What are you thinking? Everything, all the time. You’re so quiet, Steffi. Why are you so quiet? But in my head it’s so loud. I’m sure everyone has an inner monologue, but I doubt many are as wordy as mine.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“The irony is that people I meet now always think that my anxiety and communication difficulties were caused by Clark’s death, as if I were diagnosed at fourteen instead of five. And part of me always wants to say, Would that make it better? Would that make it easier, if I could point to something as obvious as that to explain myself? Would you be more sympathetic if it was tied to something as seismic as death?”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

“Is she just putting it on?' 'It's not a real thing, is it?' They say, 'It's all in your head.' They say, 'It's not real.' And I think, What is more real than that? I think, therefore I am, right?
So, no, I'm not putting it on and yes, it is a real thing. It just happens to be a real thing that a lot of people haven't heard of, let alone understand.”
― Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder