Royally Screwed Quotes

“I love you, Olivia. I love you. And I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to let you go.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I don’t need a kingdom—if you’re beside me, I already have the whole world.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I’m not sleeping with you for money.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a prostitute.”
“Of course you’re not. But you’re young and beautiful, I’m handsome and rich. The more applicable question is why aren’t we fucking already?”
That is a strong argument.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“She straightens, and runs her finger over her lips, gazing down at me. “Did you feel that?”
The spark, the electricity. The desire that feeds on itself, relishing the relief of contact but always wanting more.
“Yes.”
She takes my hand and places it over her breast – where her heartbeat throbs wildly in her chest. “And do you feel this?”
My own chest pounds with the same rhythm.
“Yes.”
“Some people go their whole lives without feeling that.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I was known before I was born and my name will be blazoned in history long after I’m dust in the ground. Infamy is temporary, celebrity is fleeting, but royalty…royalty is forever.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I…don’t…date.”
“Good God, why not?” I ask, horrified. “That’s a bloody sin.”
“A sin?”
“You’re stunning, obviously clever – you should date often, and preferably with a man who knows how it’s done.” I rest my palm on my chest. “Coincidentally, I happen to be fantastic at it. What are the odds?”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Then in one move, I pick up his plate—and smash the apple pie in his stupid, handsome face. “Kiss this, asshole.” I straighten up and slap the check down. “Here’s your bill; leave the money on the table. There’s the door—use it before I come back with my baseball bat and show you why they used to call me Babe Ruthette.” I”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“What is that?” I ask.

“It’s my dog.”

“No. No, I have dogs. Dogs are descended from wolves. That’s descended from a rat.” I look again. “An ugly rat.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Five thousand dollars? For a kiss?”

“That’s what I said.”

“With tongue?”

“It’s not really a kiss without it.
Just say yes, pet. You obviously need the money.”

I gasp before I can stop myself. I didn’t think five words from a stranger could hurt so much. What a dick.

“For fuck’s sake, Nicholas,” Simon says.

But he just looks at me, waiting, those arrogant green eyes alight with anticipation. So I give him what he’s waiting for.

“Hands under the table,” I order.

He smiles wider, puts his flask in his pocket, and does what he’s told.

“Close your eyes.”

“I like a woman who’s not afraid to take charge.”

“No more talking.” He’s said more than enough.

I lean in, keeping my eyes open the whole time, memorizing every angle of that face, feeling his warm breath against my cheek. This close, I can see the shadow of stubble on his chin and for just a second, I let myself wonder what it would feel like scratching against my stomach, my thighs—everywhere.

Then in one move, I pick up his plate—and smash the apple pie in his stupid, handsome face.

“Kiss this, asshole.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“She has no idea who I am … Her ignorance is rather…thrilling. There are no expectations, no hidden agendas, no reasons to pretend – what she sees is what she gets. And all she sees is me.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Yes, I’m a fucking arsehole and a bastard, too. But I can’t…bear it. The thought of you being an ocean away. The thought of never seeing you, never touching you again.” I”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I love you. And I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to let you go.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I love her. It can’t end this way.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“But words don’t work that way. Once heard, they can’t ever be taken back. All they can do is echo.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“She shakes my hand in a friendly grip. “Lovely to meet you, sweets. Tell me, are you a virgin?”

Nicholas groans. “Ezzy.”

“What? I’m just making conversation.” She elbows him. “If you want a shot at this sorry sack, the V-card has to be in pristine condition. Is it, Olivia?”

I stand up tall. “Does anal count? If it does, I qualify.”

Esmerelda’s red lips open wide in a contagious laugh.

“I like this one, Nicky.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“This is crazy,” I whisper against him. “It’s crazy, right? It’s not just me?”
Nicholas shakes his heads. “Bloody insane.” His hands are on my ass again – a final quick grab. “And fucking fantastic.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Ellie screwed a plaque into the back of one of the chairs: “His Royal Ass Was Here.” Beside it, Marty scratched into the wood: “And it was fiiine.” I”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I’m gonna go hang myself in my closet now.” After she’s gone, I ask, “Is she joking?” “She’s seventeen. It depends on the day.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“I saw your interview,” she tells me. “You should smile more. You used to seem like such a happy boy.”

“I’ll try to remember to pretend to be happier.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“The urge to wrap my arms around her and promise that everything will be all right. I don’t think she has anyone in her life who does that for her.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“While Olivia takes care of business, I approach my brother, leaning against the wall beside him, arms crossed.

“Congratulations,” he says, sulking. “Bastard.”

“Thank you.”

“Olive looks gorgeous. Prick.”

“She does. I’ll tell her you said so.”

“I’m really happy for you. Wanker.”

I laugh. “It’s going to be all right, Henry.”

He drinks from his flask, flinching as he swallows. “Easy for you to say. Prat.”

I squeeze his shoulder. “Are you ever going to forgive me?”

He shrugs. “Probably. Eventually. Of course I will. When I’m sober.”

“Any idea when that may be?”

“Henry, there you are!” our grandmother clucks from across the room. “We must speak about the memo I sent you…”

Henry lifts his flask and shakes his head. “Not today.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“He won’t know what to make of it. It’ll drive him insane. A woman’s weapons of mass destruction are indifference and confusion.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Henry finishes his fifth brandy. “It was all right, but I prefer The Little Mermaid.”

Olivia raises a black brow. “I thought ‘cocks’ didn’t like princess cartoons?”

“Have you seen Ariel?” Henry asks. “My cock likes her a whole bunch.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“How many rooms does it have?”

“Five hundred eighty-seven, not including the staff bedrooms.” He leans up and licks the shell of my ear, making the wet and quivering plan come to fruition. His next words almost make me come on the spot. “And I want to fuck you in every one of them by the end of the summer.”

“That’s ambitious,” I tease, nuzzling him. “Do you plan on stopping to feed me?”

His hand skims down my back, cradling my ass. “You’ll be well taken care of, I promise.”

I promise. You know what that is? Yep—Famous. Last. Words.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Our eyes finally meet—he’s still staring at me, lips parted. And I can’t get a read on his expression. As the moments stretch on, a bud of nervousness blooms in my stomach, its vine wrapping around my vocal chords.

“I…I wasn’t sure what you had planned for tonight. You didn’t tell me.”

Those long lashes blink, but he doesn’t say anything. I raise my hand toward the kitchen.

“I can go change if this isn’t—”

“No.” Nicholas steps forward, his hand up. “No, don’t change a thing. You’re…absolutely perfect.”

And he’s looking at me like he never wants to stop.

“I didn’t expect…I mean, you’re lovely…b-but…”

“Wasn’t there a movie about a king who stuttered?” I tease him. “Was he a relative of yours?”

He chuckles. And call me crazy, but I swear Nicholas’s cheeks go slightly pink.

“No, stuttering doesn’t run in my family.” He shakes his head. “You just knocked me on my arse.”

And now I’m beaming.

“Thank you. You look pretty great too, Prince Charming.”

“I actually know a Prince Charming. He’s first-class prick.”

“Well. Now that you’ve tarnished a precious piece of my childhood, this better be some date,” I tease.

“It will be.”

He holds out his hand to me.

“Shall we?”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“When Olivia leaves the room, I move to follow, but Franny steps into my path.

“Oh no, you stay here.”

“Simon,” I say with a scowl, “collect your wife before I say something I’ll regret.”

But Franny just tilts her head, appraising me. “I used to think you were a selfish bastard, but I’m starting to believe you’re just a fool. A double-damned idiot. I’m not sure which is worse.”

“Then I guess it’s good that I don’t give a turtle’s arse-crack about your opinion of me.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“Paper and ink—there’s nothing like it. The only thing that smells better than a new book is an old one.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“You should take my plane,” Simon offers. “Her Majesty’s already going to be furious. If you hijack Royal I, she may sic the air force on you.”

It’s good to have friends. Friends with their own planes is even better.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“After we say our pleasantries, we disconnect and I close the screen. I boil in silence, until Henry speaks.

“So…what’s new?”

And I smack him.

Open-palmed and so hard the sound bounces off the walls.

He reaches for the spot I’d struck. “Fuck! What the hell you’d do that for?”

He jabs me with his elbow. I punch him in the ear. And the next thing I know we’re rolling on the floor, cursing and pummeling each other.

“Spoiled little fucker!”

“Miserable bastard!”

At some point during the scuffle, Logan pops his head in. “Never mind.” Then he backs out and closes the door.”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed

“The moment we walk into the suite, Tommy descends on us. “The Queen’s on the line. On Skype, Your Grace.” Anxiety rings in his voice like the ping of a tapped crystal glass. “She’s been waiting. She does’na like to be kept waiting.”

I nod briskly. “Have David bring me a scotch.”

“Oh, me too!” Henry pipes up.

“He’ll have coffee,” I tell Tommy.

And I think Henry sticks his tongue out at me behind my back.

I head into the library and he follows, seeming marginally closer to sober—at least he’s walking straight and unassisted now. I sit behind the desk and open the laptop. On the screen, my grandmother looks back at me, wearing a pale pink robe, hair in rollers and a hairnet, gray eyes piercing, her expression as friendly as the grim reaper’s.

This should be fun.

“Nicholas.” She greets me without emotion.

“Grandmother,” I return, just as flat.

“Granny!” Henry calls, like a child, coming around the desk into view. Then he proceeds to hug the computer and kiss the screen.

“Mwah! Mwah!”

“Henry, oh, Hen—” My grandmother swats the air with her hands, like he’s actually there kissing her.

And I do my damnedest not to laugh at them.

“Mwah!”

“Henry! Remember yourself! My gracious!”

“Mmmmmwah!” He perches, grinning like a fool, on the arm of my chair, forcing me to shift over. “I’m sorry, Grandmother—it’s just so good to see you”
― Emma Chase, Royally Screwed