The Cad and the Co-Ed Quotes

“So yes,” Sean gave me a pointed look, “I approve of it wholeheartedly. In fact, seduce her again.”

I coughed, choking on nothing, and sputtered, “What? What did you say?”

“I said seduce her. And do it now. She has more unresolved feelings for you than Jennifer has for Brad.” He paused, then added, “And do a good job. Do a great job.”

I stared at him for several seconds, dumbfounded. “Of course I’ll do a great job.”

Sean pointed at me accusingly. “I’m serious. Look up some moves or watch some videos, do whatever it takes to make sure she enjoys herself.”

Now I was offended. “Fuck you, Sean. Of course she’ll enjoy herself. She’ll like it so much she’ll beg for-”

“Hey.” My teammate narrowed his eyes, slicing his hand through the air. “I don’t need or want to know the specifics. I’m just saying, take good care of her. Take excellent care of her. Give her everything she needs. And don’t be selfish.”

“I won’t be.” I shook my head with the denial, staring at Sean.

Staring at him because . . .

Did he just tell me to seduce his cousin?”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“ECassChoosesPikachu: Patrick’s new favorite joke: What do you call an alligator in a vest? An “investigator” HA!
JoseyInHeels to ECassChoosesPikachu: The kid needs better jokes
SeanCassinova to ECassChoosesPikachu: MY NEPHEW IS BRILLIANT!”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Bryan turned, his gaze sweeping over the playground, and I watched his profile. I knew the exact moment his eyes found Patrick. Bryan’s expression became one of wonder. And in that moment, I believed in love at first sight, because I’d just witnessed it. I’d just witnessed a man fall head over heels in love with his own son.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I arched a brow. “Something funny?”
Her mouth formed a tight line. “Nope.”
I approached her. “You sure?”
Her gaze flicked to mine, then away. “Uh-huh.”
“Okay, then.” I turned and headed over to grab the last of our things.
“It’s just . . .” Eilish began and then trailed off.
“Yes?”
She shook her head and finally let her giggles flow free. I couldn’t help smiling, too, even though I wasn’t entirely sure an inconvenient hard-on warranted so much laughter. It was infectious all the same.
She gestured to the retreating group of tourists. “I studied German at school, so I can pick out certain words. One of the women commented about you to her friend.”
I smirked. “Oh yeah? What did she say?”
She dabbed the wetness from the corners of her eyes. “Something along the lines of a bratwurst big enough to feed an army.”
My smirk died. “I wish I hadn’t asked.”
“Really? I thought men enjoyed compliments about that . . . particular area.”
“They do. But armies are generally made up of a bunch of blokes.” I arched a brow meaningfully. A loud burst of laughter escaped her, and she clamped her hand over mouth. God, she was too fucking adorable.
She sucked in a breath, finally calming down from her fit of giggles. “You’re too much, Bryan Leech.”
“That’s what the German ladies think anyway,” I deadpanned, my smirk returning.
Eilish burst into laughter all over again.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I covered my mouth to suffocate the errant sob, squeezing my eyes shut, and hoping when I opened them it would be three months ago, the night of Ronan and Annie’s wedding. The night I’d fucked up so royally that I’d apparently acquired the superpower of changing the color of HCG strips with my pee.
WITH MY PEE!
Which meant I had a new human inside me.
Which explained all my other superpowers, like being a raging bitch all the time, and crying at nothing, and throwing up twice every day.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“But that’s who I was when I drank, a careless, greedy fucktard. She”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because you are not forgettable.” His voice deepened and sounded gruff with frustration. “I can’t have you believing that. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since Will’s birthday party, and trust me, I’ve tried. I have a spider plant at home that is very much alive as proof.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Stupid heart. Stop swelling. Swelling is bad for you. Stay small and protected.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“@THEBryanLeech: There’s nothing better in life than a cup of peppermint tea, a comfortable pair of PJs and a good book. @RonanFitz to @THEBryanLeech: You got hacked by your grandad again. Just FYI.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Jumping into action, I chased after them to the bank of lifts. Sean pressed the button to go down as I caught up to them.
“Talk to me. Give me ten minutes.”
She turned to look at me, a galaxy of emotion in her eyes. “There’s nothing—”
“Please,” I urged, almost begging.
The lift doors slid open and she stepped inside. I followed suit, while Sean hung back. “Actually, I need to use the bathroom. I’ll meet you in the lobby, Eilish,” he said just as the doors closed.
“Sean!” she yelled, but he was already gone.
If looks could kill, Cassidy would be six feet under. Eilish glared at the smooth, polished metal with absolute murder in her eyes.
I, on the other hand, could’ve fucking kissed her cousin. With tongue.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“ECassChoosesPikachu: What does not kill us merely lowers our defenses for the next shit storm to finish us off.
SeanCassinova to ECassChoosesPikachu: I still have my “Free Hugs” sign.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“What was Sean like growing up?” he asked, opening the door to my building and placing his hand on the small of my back.
“Oh, ha ha.” I shook my head, my grin automatic. “Basically the same as he is now.”
“Really?”
“Yes. When he was eight, all he wanted for Christmas was an Italian suit.”
William chuckled, insomuch as William chuckled, and blinked once slowly. “I believe it.”
“Actually,” I corrected, “he was also obsessed with the SkyMall catalogue. He loves gadgets, which is great for me because I always know what to get him. The odder the gadget, the more he’ll love it.”
“Like what?”
“Um, let’s see. Like a waffle maker that also warms your maple syrup.”
“That’s not that odd. That’s awesome.”
“Okay, then how about a serenity cat pod?” I withdrew my keys and faced the door to my apartment, half-hoping, half-despairing that Bryan was already gone.
“A what?”
“A pod with mood lighting that makes purring sounds and vibrates. It’s like a little bed, but more modern, for your cat.”
“He doesn’t have a cat.”
“Doesn’t matter. He would’ve loved it.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I left Patrick coloring in his room and darted to the living room, but then I stopped short.
Because William and Sean weren’t alone.
“Bryan,” I said on a gasp, drawing three sets of eyes to me. “What are you doing here?”
He didn’t answer right away. His eyes were wide and surprised as he took in my appearance, trailing over my high heels, bare legs, and form-fitting silk dress. Self-consciously, I glanced at myself again, tugging on the hem.
Bryan’s voice was distracted; as though he were talking to himself, he began, “Holy sh—”
“You look great.” William stepped in front of his teammate and gave me a warm, if sedate, smile.
I frowned at William, then at Bryan—or what I could see of him behind William—then at Sean, who was inspecting my ceiling.
My frown deepened. “What’s going on?”
“Oh,” Sean chirped, imbuing his tone with forced lightness, “I just thought since you were going out, Patrick, Bryan, and I could have a men’s night in. You know, go through the latest Dolce & Gabbana catalogue, play a friendly game of Mario Kart, teach Patrick how to hook in a scrum. The usual.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I’ve always hated dating,” I said instead. “In fact, if I could bypass all that might I bestow upon you a kiss business, I would. Why can’t we all just skip to the comfortable part of relationships? Go straight to the bit where you can walk around in your undies, let farts go and blame them on the dog, and leave the door open when you’re taking a piss?”
“First of all, there is no part of a relationship that should involve that last bit, and second of all, dating is the best part. All those butterflies and excitement, the sexual tension. Wanting to skip to the comfortable bit is laziness. It means you don’t have to put in any effort to woo someone. Also, if memory serves, you’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than six months.”
“Thanks for the reminder, oh Sarah of Ye Old Wet Blanket,” I groused, but she was right. I hadn’t dated anyone for longer than six months; and even then it hadn’t really been a relationship with any meaningful or lasting impact.
“Ye Old Wet Blanket was my grandmother’s name, I’ll have you know...You’re thirty years old, practically a baby. You’ve just burned yourself out. You need to find the excitement in life again, the thrill to be had from simple things.”
“I do get a thrill from simple things,” I countered. “Didn’t I mention I fixed my tap this weekend? And I had Earl Grey tea with breakfast.”
“Oh. Stop. Too much excitement. I can’t handle it.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Sean was quiet for a beat, then pushed, “Don’t be so sure.”
I snorted, scoffed, then shook my head. “Come on, Sean. Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself? He just found out on Monday that he has a son. He’s just meeting him today.”
“Yes, but I warned you, Bryan is sturdy.”
“Like a table. You won’t let me forget.”
“That’s right. Like a table. Or an exceptionally well-crafted chair. The point is, he wants to be sturdy. For someone”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“So,” I cleared my throat, unable to tolerate his moans of pleasure and praise any longer, “uh, what are your plans for the weekend?”
“The weekend?” He sounded a bit dazed.
“Yes. This weekend. What do you have planned? Planning on busting up any parties?” I asked lightly, not wanting him to know that I was unaccountably breathless. I moved to his other knee and discarded the towel.
“Ha. No. Not unless those wankers down the hall give me a reason to.” Removing his arms from his face, Bryan’s voice was thick, gravelly as he responded, “I, uh, have some furniture to assemble.”
“Really?” Surprised, I stilled and stared at the line of his jaw. The creases around his mouth—when he held perfectly still—made him look mature and distinguished. Actually, they made him even more classically handsome, if that was even possible.
“Yes. Really. Two IKEA bookshelves.”
I slid my hands lower, behind his ankle, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, I prompted, “That’s it?”
“No.” He sighed, hesitated, then added, “I need to stop by the hardware store. The tap in my bathroom is leaking and one of the drawer handles in the kitchen is missing a screw. I just repainted the guest room, so I have to take the excess paint cans to the chemical disposal place; it’s only open on Saturdays before noon. And then I promised my mam I’d take her to dinner.”
My mouth parted slightly because the oddest thing happened as he rattled off his list of chores.
It turned me on.
Even more so than running my palms over his luscious legs.
That’s right. His list of adult tasks made my heart flutter.
I rolled my lips between my teeth, not wanting to blurt that I also needed to go to the hardware store over the weekend. As a treat to myself, I was planning to organize Patrick’s closet and wanted to install shelves above the clothes rack. Truly, Sean’s penchant for buying my son designer suits and ties was completely out of hand. Without some reorganization, I would run out of space.
That’s right. Organizing closets was something I loved to do. I couldn’t get enough of those home and garden shows, especially Tiny Houses, because I adored clever uses for small spaces. I was just freaky enough to admit my passion for storage and organization.
But back to Bryan and his moans of pleasure, adult chores, and luscious legs.
I would not think about Bryan Leech adulting. I would not think about him walking into the hardware store in his sensible shoes and plain gray T-shirt—that would of course pull tightly over his impressive pectoral muscles—and then peruse the aisles for . . . a screw.
I. Would. Not.
Ignoring the spark of kinship, I set to work on his knee, again counting to distract myself. It worked until he volunteered, “I’d like to install some shelves in my closet, but that’ll have to wait until next weekend. Honestly, I’ve been putting it off. I’d do just about anything to get someone to help me organize my closet.” He chuckled.
I’d like to organize your closet.
I fought a groan, biting my lip as I removed my hands, turned from his body, and rinsed them under the faucet.
“We’re, uh, finished for today.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Trash first. Then supplies.
Stepping forward, I kicked a pile of takeout containers to one side, wanting to clear a path to the cabinets so I could look for latex gloves. But then I stopped, stiffening, an odd scratching sound coming from the pile I’d just nudged with my foot.
Turning back to it, I crouched on the ground and lifted a greasy paper at the top of the mess. And that’s when I saw it.
A cockroach.
In Ireland.
A giant behemoth of a bug, the likes I’d only ever seen on nature programs about prehistoric insects.
Okay, perhaps I was overexaggerating its size. Perhaps not. Honestly, I didn’t get a chance to dwell on the matter, because the roach-shaped locust of Satan hopped onto my hand.
I screamed.
Obviously.
Jumping back and swatting at my hand, I screamed again. But evil incarnate had somehow crawled up and into the sleeve of my shirt. The sensation of its tiny, hairy legs skittering along my arm had me screaming a third time and I whipped off my shirt, tossing it to the other side of the room as though it was on fire.
“What the hell is going on?”
I spun toward the door, finding Ronan Fitzpatrick and Bryan Leech hovering at the entrance, their eyes darting around the room as though they were searching for a perpetrator. Meanwhile, I was frantically brushing my hands over my arms and torso. I felt the echo of that spawn of the devil’s touch all over my body.
“Cockroach!” I screeched. “Do you see it? Is it still on me?” I twisted back and forth, searching.
Bryan and Ronan were joined in the doorway by more team members, but I barely saw them in my panic.
God, I could still feel it.
I. Could. Still. Feel. It.
Now I knew what those hapless women felt like in horror movies when they realized the serial killer was still inside the house.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Jogging down the stairs and out the door leading to the player’s hallway, I rehearsed what I would say.
I would say, Hello, Bryan. I have a bit of time before the end of the day. Perhaps I could take a look at your knee.
Or, I might say, Bryan, let’s have a look at your knee. I hear it’s still giving you trouble.
Or maybe, Bryan, I understand you’re having a bit of trouble with your knee. If you have time before the end of the day—
“Eilish.”
I stopped short, almost colliding with William Moore. Automatically, his beefy hands reached to steady me.
“William. Sorry. Sorry about that.” I backed up a step and out of his grip, counting three other players behind him, and swallowed with some difficulty when I realized Bryan was one of them.
“You okay?” William asked, dipping his chin to catch my eye.
I nodded, looking beyond him, and pointed at Bryan. “You.”
Bryan stiffened, his eyes widening. “Me?”
“Yes. You. Meniscus tear. Follow me,” I said, turned away from him, and promptly grimaced.
Real smooth, E.
Real professional.
Great job.
That wasn’t weird at all.
Leading the way to the training room, I didn’t wait to see if he’d followed. I was too busy berating myself for speaking like Tarzan.
So much for rehearsing.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“ECassChoosesPikachu: I’m not crying, I just have onions, pepper spray, and severe acute depression in my eye.
SeanCassinova: See you after work, I’ll be the bloke holding the sign: Free Hugs”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I just turned thirty and only now am I starting to appreciate all the things I used to think were boring. You know Will? Will Moore, the American, built like a brick wall?”
She nodded.
“I don’t know if you saw yesterday when you stopped by, but he and I live together now. And keep this between you and me, but most of the time we’d both prefer to stay in and play Scrabble than go out clubbing with the rest of the squad,” I said and winked.
Then I tried not to grimace because I’d just winked at her.
Why the hell am I winking?
She gave a light chuckle, “Yeah, I think I guessed that from the episode outside your neighbor’s apartment.”
I didn’t let her comment faze me, instead I plastered on a carefree smile. “I’ll have you know women all over the country would be queuing up to catch a glimpse of me in my PJs. You should count yourself lucky.”
“Oh really?” she challenged. “Who are these women? The same ones who go to Daniel O’Donnell concerts and play bingo on a Friday night?”
I glared at her playfully. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I don’t know why any man would sleep naked when they could be wearing a pair of flannel jimjams.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I couldn’t stop wondering about what he meant when he said she’d been through a lot. It was out of the ordinary for me to be this curious about a virtual stranger.
Then again, I was still figuring out what my ordinary was. Maybe I’d always been a busybody, just too shitfaced all the time to indulge the impulse.
This thought made me grin.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“What did you do?”
Rubbing my forehead, I grimaced, preparing myself for Josey’s reaction. “I went into the bathroom. When I came back out ten minutes later, he was gone.”
Her mouth fell open and she gave me her uneven-eyes stare, where she made one eye slightly larger than the other.
“Don’t give me that look.”
“What look?”
“That look. The one you use instead of saying you’re a fecking eejit.”
“Oh, that look.” She blinked and her eye sizes normalized. “Was I giving you that look?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“You don’t have to be here,” William offered with his trademark quiet solemnity.
I shook my head but kept my eyes fixed on the closed doors at the end of the hall. “No. I wouldn’t miss it.” Would rather be home in my slippers watching Judge Judy, sure, but duty calls.
That was my style of party these days. Throw in a slice of Battenberg and some Werther’s Originals and I could go wild on a sugar high. But no, today was William’s birthday, so I was going to try and keep my grumpy old man behavior to a minimum.
Try being the operative word.
No promises.
My teammate, and the guest of honor for this particular party, tugged on the sleeve of my suit jacket and brought us to a stop. “Hey. Seriously. You’re eighteen months sober.”
“Has it been eighteen months already?” I stroked the stubble on my chin and cracked a grin. “Time flies when you’re killing house plants.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“I was so much more than he could handle. I hate parties; did I ever tell you that? Your father, he loved them. He loved it when I drank, said it made me fun. Made me seem younger, carefree.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“Addicts don’t want to see what they are, because denial is easier than trying to change.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“@ECassChoosesPikachu: When you want something but you know you can’t have it because it’ll give you heart disease. And maybe cancer. @SeanCassinova to @ECassChoosesPikachu: Terribly melodramatic, aren’t we? @ECassChoosesPikachu to @SeanCassinova: I meant figurative cancer, of my soul. @SeanCassinova to @ECassChoosesPikachu: I stand by my previous tweet.”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“THEBryanLeech: Life is shit and a bird just crapped on me and we’re all screwed and everything is pointless.
WillthebrickhouseMoore to THEBryanLeech: So…is this the title of your new self-help book?”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“THEBryanLeech: Just spent five hours organizing my non-perishables in alphabetical order by country of origin #killinit
ECassChoosesPikachu to THEBryanLeech: Oooh! Tell me more.
WillthebrickhouseMoore to THEBryanLeech ECassChoosesPikachu: When you guys want some alone time with the kitchen cabinets give me a heads up and I’ll make myself scarce…”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“THEBryanLeech: Ever notice how pineapples are made of neither pine nor apples? #mindboggled
ECassChoosesPikachu to THEBryanLeech: So I come check out your feed and this is what I find. Riveting stuff.
THEBryanLeech to ECassChoosesPikachu: I’m riveting enough in other areas, love. xxx”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed

“ECassChoosesPikachu: If you don’t hear from me in an hour, a blue blood has poisoned my tea with narcissism or strangled me with grandmother’s pearls.
LucyFitz to ECassChoosesPikachu: Your cousin says “She better put a ring on it.” Any idea what he’s talking about…?”
― L.H. Cosway, The Cad and the Co-Ed