The Idaho Affairs Quotes

“The stars were out and bright, and the moon was close to full. There were no UFOs hovering over the trailer or anywhere else that I could see. It might seem strange to be so nonchalant about it all, but you get used to the weird if you live in Crystal Falls.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“As such things have a tendency to do it got out of hand in the worst way, resulting in the rather gruesome death of Maggie Potter — no relation to Harry.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“Well!" I said huffily, doing my best Jack Benny impression.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“It was also easy to do because just about everything annoyed them. I really got Abbie torqued one time while she was eating a tuna sandwich and droning on about how she only ate tuna that were "dolphin safe" as she called it. I pointed out it wasn't so safe for the tuna, which she must have turned her back on when it came to caring about God's little creations, since she had a mouthful of the tasty things. She got so red I thought her head was going to explode.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“I looked at Rushing River and he looked at me. Then we both looked up at the sky. "You thinkin' what I'm thinking?" He nodded. "Fell from the sky." "Any Indian legends about that?" He shrugged. "Got nothin'.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“If you've ever watched Andy Griffith, you'll find Geraldine vaguely familiar. She reminds everybody of Aunt Bee. Her size, her sort of scatterbrained reasoning, her sweet manner, and above all, her ability to cook a meal you found it hard to walk away from, all fit that image.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“It was true, so she bought it and nodded her head. In Crystal Falls a fax was high-tech. We had one only because last time I was in Boise I stopped at an Office Depot and picked one up. My money, not department funds, which were non-existent. My salary and Janie's were about all the operating capital allotted law enforcement”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“Unit One, I read you. What's your location, Unit Two?" We only had two units, so numbering them was unnecessary, but it sounded more official. I'd given Janie the Mustang because she liked it and because the Bronco was a little contrary on cold mornings. I didn't want her standing out in the snow on a winter morning trying to figure out why it wouldn't start. Plus it made her feel important being Unit One. And yeah, it did make her look even cuter.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“Value-wise, Crystal Falls still had theirs. It was American heartland conservative. There were three churches in Crystal Falls, all of them well-maintained and fully attended every Sunday. Of course, that didn't mean there wasn't a lot of hanky-panky going on. It just meant the hanky-panky was a bit more innocent than everywhere else in America.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs

“But I refused. One Ranger, One riot, as the slogan went, and a Ranger always tells the truth. Grandpa had had a bigger influence on me than I knew. They couldn't really fire me, but I agreed to leave voluntarily on the condition that the official file reflected my three years of exemplary service and nothing else. They were glad to accommodate me as long as I didn't darken their door again.”
― Bobby Underwood, The Idaho Affairs