Presto! How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales Quotes

“If stupid hippies hadn't killed nuclear power, we'd have nuclear power plants, safer and cheaper than coal-fired plants, all over, and electric cars really would be zero emissions.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“There should be an ease and clarity to anything that’s real and from the heart. Things that are true shouldn’t have tricks.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“Islam is not a kind of person. Islam is an idea. Islam is a religion. And religions are not people. Ideas are not people. All ideas must be attacked all the time, in order to find out what parts of them are true. We must respect people, but that doesn’t mean we have to respect ideas that aren’t true. I don’t even care whether the ideas are dangerous or not. I don’t care if Islam does mean “peace.” I don’t believe Muhammad was any sort of prophet. I don’t believe there are any real prophets. That idea is wrong. And if I say that idea is wrong, that doesn’t mean I have an irrational fear of people who believe that idea. It means that I think the idea is wrong, wrong, wrong.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“All the things that make life worth living take work.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“We had read about snorting chocolate and talked about it on the show, and someone in Canada, where it’s being sold, sent us some. It had fancy packaging and a little spring-loaded double nasal catapult. Goudeau cocked it and put two little coke-spoons full of their fancy chocolate-and-spice mixture in it, one on each side, and I held it under my nose, breathed in, and hit the button. We had checked with CrayRay, and he said it wouldn’t affect the diet, but it probably wasn’t healthy. I love chocolate, and I got a big blast of it up my nose and down into my lungs. I kinda wanted to love it. The idea that I’d be snorting chocolate in my office while I was writing this appealed to me. It was a little fun, but really no more fun than walking into a Godiva store at a mall. It was the good smell of chocolate, and that was about it. We all tried it and enjoyed it a little, and then the headaches hit and we were done. I got to the show that night and was light-headed from not eating, and my throat and voice were fucked-up from snorting chocolate. I’m an idiot. Matt”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“There is no god.” I’ve said that sentence on Glenn Beck’s TV show in front of his live audience at his studio in the Texas Bible Belt. I’ve told Republicans that I like immigrants. I’ve told Democrats that I dig rich people. I’ve told sane people that I like lawyers. But”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“I’m a zealot wearing a broccoli suicide vest to a Burger King.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“we don’t have a twenty-letter alphabet, we have a twenty-six-letter alphabet.” And then I say, “Oh, I guess I left out U R A Q T!” And then you say, “That’s still only twenty-five.” And I say, “I’ll give you the D later.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“the worst person who ever lived, and the best thing about him is that his hair looks like cotton candy made of piss.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales

“I very much enjoy stating that I have never had a drink of alcohol or a toke of any recreational drug in my life. What I don’t state is that I will never have a drink of alcohol or a toke of any recreational drug in my life. I can report on the past, but I’m reluctant to predict the future. The hippies were right about fresh vegetables and staying away from fast food, so maybe they’re right about LSD. What the fuck do I know? I don’t even trust myself completely on the past. I remember things wrong all the time. I’m not willing to say I’m never going to do recreational heroin, so I’m sure as shooting not going to close the Big Mac door forever.”
― Penn Jillette, Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales