Hilarious Things That Kids Say Quotes

“the single life for me now,”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Gary (5): I just learned something today. Dad: Oh, really? Gary: It doesn’t matter what you look like or what people think of you. Dad: That’s right! Gary: It’s about how much money you have!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Todd: (6) Mum, you know when you fall in love? Mum: Yes. Todd: Why do people keep falling over when they are in love?”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Jane (4): Can I come over to your place on Saturday? Kate (4): I’ll ask Mum. Jane: Why would you ask my Mum? Kate: I mean I’ll ask my Mum? Jane: YOUR MUM IS CALLED MUM TOO??!?!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Tasha (6): Dad! I know what the biggest number in the world is! It’s a million! Dad: But you can add one. Tasha: …I have embarrassed myself.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Lizzie (5): Dad, the globe is broken. I can’t see the Moon anywhere.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Alicia (5): Mum, how come people at the bottom of the world don’t fall off? Mum: Gravity. Alicia: Granny? That’s awfully nice of her.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Mum: Do you know what a myth is? Colin: It’s a really small moth.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Shauna (5): Mum, why did you get married? Mum: Because I love your father. Shauna: … SERIOUSLY?”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Teacher: What does “germinate” mean? Lloyd (8): It’s when you become German.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Niamh (3): Daddy, when is my birthday this year? Dad: March 1st. Niamh: Wow! That’s the same day as last year!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Hayley (3): I was so happy and excited, I forgot that I needed to poo.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Mum: What are you watching? Stefan (4): Winnie the Crap. I don’t say “poo” anymore because I’m a big boy now.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Teacher: If it took four men one hour to build a wall, how long would it take eight men to build it? Suri (6): Why bother? The other guys built one already.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Matty (7): Daddy, my teacher said that light bulb was invented by Edison. Dad: That’s correct. Matty: No, it isn’t. Dad: Excuse me? Matty: Well… didn’t God create everything?”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“(While on a plane) Abe (6): Are you the pilot? Stewardess: No, I’m the stewardess. Abe: Ok. My Mum doesn’t like flying. Can you tell the pilot something? Stewardess: Of course. Abe: Tell him not to kill us.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“(While playing with Lego) Alessandra (6): Why won’t you stick! That is your only purpose in your worthless lives!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“(5): Daddy, why do fish live in water? Dad: Because they can’t survive out of water. Ed: Yes, they can. You just need to give them shoes.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Teacher: What would you do if you were Queen? Tina (5): I would tell everyone to stop having wars and go to sleep. Teacher: Aw, that’s lovely. Maya: And while they were asleep, I would take all their chocolate.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Do you want sausages for tea?”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Harry (6): Mrs. Kelly? Teacher: Yes, Harry. Harry I just wanted to say that I really like you. Teacher: Oh, that’s sweet. Harry: I know everyone thinks you are a terrible teacher but I still find you funny.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Connolly (5): What’s the name of the kid in Home Alone? Shane (6): His name is Home Alone!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Anya (5): I think God is clever. Dad: Really? And why is that? Anya: Because he knew to kill off the dinosaurs to make room for us.”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Lauren (6): That man is really tall. Dad: Yeah, he has to be six feet. Lauren: He’s tall AND he has six feet?!?!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say

“Emily (4): Can we have McDonalds tonight? Mum: No. We’re having salad. Emily: YOU’RE RUINING LIFE!”
― James Egan, Hilarious Things That Kids Say