Overextended and Undernourished Quotes

“Many helpers who have difficulty accepting their own limitations are also perfectionistic. It is important to make a distinction between perfection and excellence, yet many people find it difficult to do so. Here’s a useful distinction between the two: The pursuit of excellence allows for error and self-compassion; perfectionists, on the other hand, cannot tolerate their own weakness. While perfectionists have compassion for others, they have little or no compassion for themselves. Furthermore, they tend to be highly self-critical, while attempting to live up to unrealistic standards.”
― Dennis Portnoy, Overextended and Undernourished: A Self-Care Guide for People in Helping Roles

“Unhealthy giving is characterized by the following:
 Excessive need to be needed—in other words, feeling worthwhile only if needed by others.
 Doing too much for another person in the process of helping him or her, thus preventing that person from taking responsibility and fully achieving all that is possible.
 Focusing on the needs and reactions of others to the extent of losing sight of one’s own needs, perceptions, limitations, and feelings.
On the other hand, healthy giving by those in helping roles is characterized by the following:
 Supporting another person to be the best that he or she can be.
 Recognizing and valuing one’s own needs, perceptions, limitations, and feeling.
 Self-compassion.
 Ability and willingness (of the helper) to ask for help.”
― dennis portnoy, Overextended and Undernourished: A Self-Care Guide for People in Helping Roles

“If you were valued primarily for your ability to excel, you may form an assumption that being average means you won’t be loved or valued. If you don’t perform according to a particular standard, you are a failure. You may have a belief that you must be the best at whatever I do. You may believe that it is wrong for you to disappoint others. You might have a hidden assumption that if someone you care about feels let down by you and you are unable to fix it, you are a bad or defective person.”
― Dennis Portnoy, Overextended and Undernourished: A Self-Care Guide for People in Helping Roles