The Best Jokes 2016 Quotes

“> I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance,  > So I pushed her over.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> I think McDonald's should be able to turn away customers like a bartender.  > ”Three Big Macs please." > Sir, I think you've had enough.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“To Do List: 1. Go into a crowded elevator and say: 2. ”I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you here.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> The bartender says, "We don't serve time travellers.” > A time traveler walks into a bar.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> Did you know that 70% of all statistics are made up?”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. > But then I turned myself around.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: What did the doe say when she came walking out of the woods? A: ”That's the last time I do that for two bucks.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: What fruit does Romeo and Juliet eat? A: Cantaloupe.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: What did the baby unicorn call daddy unicorn? A: Pop-Corn!”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> I have a fear of speed bumps. > I'm slowly getting over it. ”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> To be Frank,  > I'd have to change my name.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> Do you need to build an ark? > Because I Noah guy.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: What is faster Hot or cold?  A: Hot, Because you can catch a cold.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? A: Because of his coffin.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"  > She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog.  > My bad dude, my bad...”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? A: It's dread-full.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> Wifi went down for five minutes, so i had to talk to my family.  > They seem like nice people.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: Is google a boy or girl? A: Obviously a girl because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“> I haven't slept for three days. > Because that would be too long.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“When people go underwater in scary movies,  > I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.  > I almost died in Finding Nemo.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“A man with two left feet walks into a shoe shop and buys some flip flips.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Wataaaaah!”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“*cop pulls me over* Cop: Do you realize how fast you were going?  Me: No.. Cop: You were like NEEEEEEAWWW!!  *Cop runs away with imaginary steering wheel* > Ever wonder… Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Dad: “Excuse me waitress, I ordered this fillet medium-rare and this is clearly a peanut butter and jelly sandwich” Mom: ”Did you just call me waitress?” Q: Why is it ok to eat donuts in church? A: Because they’re holy.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“In 2011, a woman bought a "non-visible" piece of art for $10,000.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“washing car * Neighbor: “You washing your car?” Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus...”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Q: Did you know? A: Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water. > A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says, “Make me one with everything.  > The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.  > Where’s my change?  > The monk asks. > The vendor replies: > “change comes from within.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“Wifi went down for five minutes, so i had to talk to my family.  > They seem like nice people.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red. Seriously.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection

“I predict that in the future, Youtube,Twitter, and Facebook will merge to create one super time-wasting site called YouTwitFace.”
― Hudson Moore, The Best Jokes 2016: Ultimate Collection