Caverns and Creatures Quotes

“An excellent point!” said Mordred. “I award you three hundred experience points.”“What the fuck for?” asked Cooper. “For role-playing, of course,”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Old people don’t give cool things,” said Ton the Elf. “He’s going to give us a box of raisins or expired coupons for a casino buffet.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Kidnap is a strong word,” said the professor. “I merely borrowed them against their will.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Making a mental note never again to attempt using his crappy first level spells on the king’s soldiers for the purpose of laziness, Chaz slumped up the ramp and took the empty spot on the bench next to the orc, hoping that he was in for something like tax evasion.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“He’s crazier than a rabid badger.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“If he squinted and stretched his imagination to the point of tearing,”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“The darkest hour is just before…” The Mamas and The Papas had been right all along.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“The bartender, to his credit, refrained from repeatedly smashing Tim’s face into the bar. He didn’t look amused, exactly, to be dripping in halfling puke, but he didn’t look angry, exactly, either. Cooper took the stoic resignation on his face to suggest that this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. Just an occupational hazard.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Love is a foggy sea. The right woman, an elusive fish.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“The confusion was understandable. It had to be close to two in the morning, which is a lousy time for a new religion to manifest.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Doesn’t that usually happen a little more gradually? We went from zero to shitstorm in the space of a few hours.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Then he cut the owlbear’s entire left arm off at the shoulder.” “Like King Arthur and the Black Knight?” asked Dave.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Yeah. I kinda just left them.” “Well hot damn!” said Frank. “How are they getting along back in the real world?” “Not so good,” said Stacy. “They teleported over there okay, but they didn’t change back into humans. They’re still… Julian’s still an elf. Tim’s still a midget. Dave’s still a stockier midget. And Cooper’s still…” “Cooper?” said Frank.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“The drive back to the Chicken Hut, while uneventful, was probably the most intense six or seven minutes in Chaz’s life. He’d watched a vampire murder his girlfriend, but that didn’t even compare with driving around in a stolen cop car with two hostages and a gnome.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“I hate your whole family.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Ow!” said Tim, more from surprise than pain. After you have your foot gnawed nearly off by a giant rat, you can more easily withstand being slapped by a sausage.”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

“Chaz and I can pass for human at a casual glance,” said Tim. “You look like a Ren Faire Santa”
― Robert Bevan, Caverns and Creatures: Volume I