The Daily Show (The Audiobook) Quotes

“If your world does not include enough access to different people, and their world does not include enough access to you, you are speaking from ignorance.”
― Jon Stewart, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy.” ~ Jon Stewart”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“And this, this, is their genius. Conservatives are not looking to make education more rigorous and informative, or science more empirical or verifiable, or voting more representative, or the government more efficient or effective. They just want all those things to reinforce their partisan, ideological, conservative viewpoint.”
― Jon Stewart, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“Stephen Colbert: Here’s the thing: You said to me and to many other people here years ago never to thank you, because we owe you nothing. Jon Stewart: [quietly] That’s right. Stephen Colbert: It’s one of the few times I’ve known you to be dead wrong… We owe you because we learned from you, by example, how to do a show with intention, with clarity. How to treat people with respect. You are infuriatingly good at your job, okay?”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“Bullshit is everywhere.” (...) Then there’s the more pernicious bullshit… It comes in three flavors: Making bad things sound good… “Patriot Act.” Because “Are You Scared Enough to Let Me Look at All Your Phone Records Act” doesn’t sell… Number two: hiding bad things under mountains of bullshit. “Hey, a handful of billionaires can’t buy our elections, right?” “Of course not. They can only pour unlimited, anonymous cash into a 501( c)( 4) if 50 percent is devoted to ‘issue education’”… And finally, my favorite: the bullshit of infinite possibility… “We cannot take action on climate change until everyone in the world agrees gay marriage vaccines won’t cause our children to marry goats who are coming for our guns. Until then, I say we teach the controversy.”

So I say to you, friends: The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.

~Jon Stewart”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“It’s very easy to figure out Trump’s ideology. He’s not racist and sexist to this incredible degree. He’s Trumpist. He views the world through the prism of, “How do they view Trump?” If you view Trump positively, you’re good people. “Putin, hey, he likes the Trump, I like the Putin.” That’s all he is. His doctrine is the Trump Doctrine. If another country is nice to him, he will be nice to that country. If the country thinks he’s an idiot, “Fuck them. That’s a pussy country. They don’t know shit about anything. That country changed its name from a Jewish name.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“One day before he left, Jon called me into his office and he had a pair of shoes and he said, “What do you think of these shoes?” And I said, “Oh, they’re good shoes.” He said, “What size are you?” I said, “I’m a size eleven.” He said, “I’m a size eight.” And he said, “Will these fit you?” And I said, “No.” And he said, “Don’t let anyone ever tell you, you can’t fill my shoes. You’re not meant to fill them.”
~ TREVOR NOAH”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“After a piece ran, a guy claimed I claimed I was from CNN. I never said that. But if you make a man comedically look like Hitler and it turns out that he is a retired lawyer with a lot of time on his hands, you’re going to get sued. That’s the lesson for today, children. STEVE”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“But the point is: On the right, they’re pretending that our “truthfulness” is what’s really important to them. Which, ironically, is not true. What matters to them is discrediting anything that they believe harms their side. That is their prime directive. And unlike Kirk, they fuckin’ stick with it. They don’t just drop the protocol any time they feel like humping a green girl in a unitard. [video clip of Captain Kirk, pursuing a green girl in a unitard]

And this, this, is their genius. Conservatives are not looking to make education more rigorous and informative, or science more empirical or verifiable, or voting more representative, or the government more efficient or effective. They just want all those things to reinforce their partisan, ideological, conservative viewpoint.
~ Jon Stewart”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“That was perfect, because Tracey knows Jon better than anybody, and what he might really want, and what he’s capable of saying he wants. Plus, also, I think in the back of both my head and Stephen’s was, if Jon is really pissed afterward, we can say, “Hey, Tracey said it was okay!”

STEPHEN COLBERT: Find somebody to throw under the bus—that’s the first rule of show business.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“Stephen Colbert: [sitting to Stewart’s right at the anchor desk] Actually, Jon, we’re not quite done.

Jon Stewart: [rolling away from Colbert on his chair and nearly toppling off the riser] Don’t do this.

Stephen Colbert: [rolling after Stewart and grabbing him by the arm] No—you can’t stop anyone, because they don’t work for you anymore! Huge mistake!

Jon Stewart: Please don’t do this.

Stephen Colbert: Here’s the thing: You said to me and to many other people here years ago never to thank you, because we owe you nothing.

Jon Stewart: [quietly] That’s right.

Stephen Colbert: It’s one of the few times I’ve known you to be dead wrong… We owe you because we learned from you, by example, how to do a show with intention, with clarity. How to treat people with respect. You are infuriatingly good at your job, okay? [Stewart covers his eyes, which appear to be filled with tears] And all of us who were lucky enough to work with you—and you can edit this out later—for sixteen years are better at our jobs because we got to watch you do yours. And we are better people for having known you… Personally, I do not know how this son of a poor, Appalachian turd miner—I do not know what I would do if you hadn’t brought me on this show. I’d be back in those hills, mining turds with Pappy!

Jon—and it’s almost over—I know you are not asking for this, but on behalf of so many people whose lives you changed over the past sixteen years, thank you. And now, I believe your line—correct me if I’m wrong—is “We’ll be right back.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“I have such a lowered bar of expectation, and they managed to crawl underneath it.
~ Jon Stewart”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“In some ways the Zadroga thing was the subtext of the whole show, the whole sixteen years. A bewilderment, a bewilderment over something which seems obvious that was not being accomplished. The whole show was that: “Does anyone else think this is fucking weird?” That’s it. That’s all the show was.

I don’t think that’s a noble thing. But it’s something. It’s a shared moment.
~ Jon Stewart”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“LIZZ WINSTEAD Instead of Jon playing a character—the news anchor, one of the derelicts in a derelict world of media—Jon made a creative decision to take the show in the direction of the correspondents presenting the idiocy, and then Jon is the person who calls out the idiocy with the eloquence that the viewer wishes they had. And he did it in a way that’s not condescending, it’s not smug. It’s funny, it’s emotional, it’s calling out bullshit. So Jon became the voice of the audience.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“Jon Stewart: [at anchor desk] The media, of course, must walk a fine line covering this story. With more we turn to Steve Carell in the Daily Show news center. Steve? Steve Carell: [standing in front of a bank of TV monitors] Jon, this is in many ways an unprecedented situation for us. [A blue band with white letters—the “crawl,” or “chyron” in TV lingo—scrolls across the screen, at Carell’s waist level] Crawl: MAJORITY LEADER DASCHLE RECEIVES LETTER CONTAINING ANTHRAX. Steve Carell: On the one hand, we must alert the country to the latest events. Crawl: AL QAEDA VOWS NEW ATTACKS. Steve Carell: And on the other hand, we musn’t cause undue alarm. Crawl: FBI WARNS SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN SOMEWHERE SOMETIME. Steve Carell: Scaremongering isn’t the way to go. Crawl: WHITE POWDER FOUND ON DONUT IN ST. LOUIS. Steve Carell: So far the media has in fact shown restraint. Crawl: STORMS BATTER NEW ENGLAND—LINK TO TERRORISM STILL UNDETERMINED. Steve Carell: And I must stress this—there is absolutely no need to panic. Crawl: [picking up speed as it moves left to right] CIA: THAT GUY SITTING ACROSS FROM YOU ON THE BUS LOOKS A LITTLE SHIFTY. Steve Carell: Patience, diligence, and above all, responsibility. Crawl: A FRIEND OF THIS GUY I KNOW CONFIRMS HIS GIRLFRIEND TOLD HIM “THEY’RE PLANNING SOMETHING IN A MALL OR SOMETHING.” Steve Carell: Jon, we have a job to do here, but we also need perspective. Crawl: [accelerating] OH, F—! WHAT WAS THAT SOUND? SERIOUSLY, DID YOU HEAR A SOUND? Steve Carell: And in keeping that perspective— Crawl: “THE HORROR, THE HORROR”—KURTZ. POLL: 91% OF AMERICANS “WANT MOMMY.” Steve Carell: Okay, that was—no, no, no, that was unacceptable. Jon, would you excuse me for a minute? [walks out of frame] Crawl: CHICKEN LITTLE: “THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!” OH GOD, OH GOD. [Carell confronts technician typing the crawl, beats him up as screen goes snowy] Jon Stewart: We’re having some technical difficulties with the crawl. Ah, Steve Carell is back! Steve Carell: Sorry about that, Jon. As I was saying, we journalists have to make sure that our worst instincts are curbed in the sake of national interest. Crawl: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE JUST WONDERFUL WITH LOLLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS AND HAPPY FEELINGS FOR EVERYONE. Steve Carell: It’s a unique challenge, but one I think the greatest free press in the world can easily attain. Crawl: BUNNIES ARE CUTE, CUDDLY, AND COMFORTING. Steve Carell: Jon?”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show: An Oral History

“I pocketed two boxes of M&M’s with the presidential seal. You open it up and you really are expecting the best M&M’s you’ve ever eaten in your life, and it’s just fucking M&M’s. You’re like, “Well, these are the same M&M’s I got at the train station.” I thought president M&M’s would somehow be like, I don’t know, the chocolate on the outside and the candy on the inside, something different. But they’re just M&M’s. Pretty interesting. Even”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“Bush, it will go down in history, it’s unbelievable that guy was president. Unbelievable. I’m sure, I’m 100 percent sure, in one hundred years, in one thousand years if society’s still standing, they’re going to say, “That guy was president? Like, what?” I know that to be a fact. RORY”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“I’m kind of relieved I don’t have to say anything on TV about tragedies anymore. ~ JON STEWART”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“There are people that I believe shouldn’t like me, and if they did, I’d be sad.
~ Jon Stewart”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“Stewart, with the help of his incredibly astute staff, was combining reporting with commentary, pointing a finger at stupidity and hollowness, and devising a creative hand grenade. All of it had political purpose and direction. It wasn’t strictly ideological, although he’s obviously left of center. And he was fearless, not in the sense that anybody was going to make him a political prisoner. But he punched up. He punched up, and the shots landed.

I don’t think the world is any more absurd now than it’s ever been, or more tragic, or more beautiful. But Jon took advantage of these new ways of seeing the world and took out his magic marker and drew circles around the idiocy. He set out to be a working comedian, and he ended up an invaluable patriot. He wants his country to be better, more decent, and to think harder.

~ DAVID REMNICK, editor in chief, the New Yorker”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“If people are engaged, eventually the political system responds, despite the money, despite the lobbyists, it still responds.
~ President Obama”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Audiobook): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“or the need for a Trump 2012 presidential campaign (“This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life, a president who’s not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying asshole!”),”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy.” LARRY”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“The outlandish 2000 election and Bush’s victory had come along at the perfect time, helping Stewart, the correspondents, and the writers sharpen The Daily Show’s tone of bemused mockery. The next world-changing events would have just as big an effect—and a late-night, basic cable comedy show would become an unlikely outlet for mourning, an antidote to anxiety, and gradually a center of principled, patriotic dissent.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“People give Jon shit and claim he breeds cynicism. He’s the opposite of cynical. He really cares. And people who watch his show care about politics. That’s why you watch it, and that’s why you’re not watching a Yogi Bear cartoon.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“I absolutely did consider Ben a friend, and still do. But beyond that I’m not particularly close—I’m close to my family, in general, and I have friends, and I’m close to them, but probably not in the traditional way that people assume friendships are like. I’m not a big hangout guy. When I say we’re friends, we’re friends, but it’s not like we summer together, or we went out to dinner every week. I don’t really do that with anybody. STEPHEN”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show (The Book): An Oral History as Told by Jon Stewart, the Correspondents, Staff and Guests

“We were doing a joke having to do with Toy Story, the last one, Toy Story 3. We were saying it was a tearjerker, and Jon’s like, “What made it a tearjerker?” So I was telling him the premise of the story: Andy goes off to college and leaves all of his toys behind. Jon says, “I don’t get it, what’s so sad?” And I was like, “Oh my God, you’re Andy and we’re your toys. Holy shit, you insensitive prick!”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show: An Oral History

“I can’t stress enough, when we came from Canada we knew nothing. We had a U-Haul full of stuff and thought, “It’s normal to spend eighty dollars on a motel room.” But eighty dollars in New York City means there’s going to be a murder down the hall from you, maybe two. You’re going to hear gunfire, and someone might go through all of your personal stuff. Our motel was at the mouth of the Holland Tunnel, on Tonnelle Avenue in Jersey City. It was just terrifying. Jason says, “It’ll be fine.” And it was quite the opposite. I slept in my clothes.”
― Chris Smith, The Daily Show: An Oral History