A Fox's Family Quotes

“Camellia’s breasts broke her fall.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Kevin?” Everyone at the table became startled when Kevin stood up and rushed over to where Iris was glaring daggers at Chris. “I think I’m talking to a ragged, beaten up dog who doesn’t know his place.” “Fucking fox!” Chris raised his clenched right fist, prepared to deliver a savage punch to the pretty female. Before he could, Kevin leapt into the air, his body spinning like a top. “Don’t-touch-my-girlfriend’s-sister Screwdriver!” “What the—GUAG!” Spittle flew from Chris’s mouth as Kevin planted his feet into the inu’s gut, knocking all of the air from the boy’s lungs in one fell swoop. He bent his knees, absorbing the shock of impact, his body parallel with the ground. Kevin then used his impressive leg muscles to push off Chris’s body, launching the inu several feet back where he crashed into a garbage can. For all of one second, time stood still. For all of one second, everyone stared at Kevin in awe. For all of one second, Kevin felt like the most awesome person in the world. Then the second was over. And Kevin landed on his back. On the concrete. Hard. As Kevin’s lungs were deprived of oxygen and his vision exploded with white while pain overloaded his photo-optic receptors, Iris knelt beside his head. “Feeling manly now?” She asked, her lips stretching from ear to ear in a wide grin. Kevin raised a shaky arm and gave Iris a thumbs up. ***”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Da―wh-w-w-WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU’RE DOING?! DON’T GO AROUND KISSING IN PUBLIC! THERE ARE PEOPLE WATCHING!” Lilian clicked her tongue in annoyance after removing her lips from a slightly insensate Kevin. “Considering that Kevin and I are dating, you have no right to tell us what we can and cannot do.” “Sure I do.” Christine’s baleful glare was colder than icicles hanging from a hut in the Arctic Circle. “Someone has to stop you two from acting so promiscuous in public.” “So you say, but I think you’re just jealous.” “Je-je-je―I AM NOT!” “Are too.” “AM NOT!” “Yes, you are.” “NO, I’M NOT!” “No, you’re not!” “YES, I AM!” A pause. It took Christine exactly two seconds to compute what she’d just said. Were her tsundere protocols not already activated, they would have been now. “Y-y-y-y-you…! Shut up! shut up, shut up, shut up!” “Has anyone told you that your voice is really annoying? Your Seiyuu’s not Kugimiya-san, is it?” “What?” Christine couldn’t seem to make heads or tails of that statement.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Stop this, Kevin! Cease what you are doing and end this madness! Yeah, that. Unfortunately, the logical side of his brain no longer functioned as it should have. Thoughts of decency, propriety, and waiting until he felt comfortable with Lilian vanished, and all that remained was his desire to experience all that Lilian had to offer. To please and be pleased in return. He wanted to— “Damn, that’s hot.” —Like a mountain of ice cold water being dumped on them, the young couple became painfully aware of the third presence in the room. Lilian and Kevin slowly craned their heads toward the new voice. Eric stood in the doorway, hands on the handle. If his flushed cheeks and bleeding nose didn’t tell Kevin what the boy was looking at, then the dark eyes planted firmly on Lilian did. “Kya!” “ERIC!” In that moment, two things happened; Lilian ducked underneath the water’s surface, covering her body as best she could, while Kevin roared and jumped out of the bathtub. In a display of aerial acrobatics that should have been impossible without shonen manga mechanics involved, Kevin leapt into the air, his body twisting like a corkscrew until he was parallel with the ground, his feet pointing directly at Eric. “Stop-ogling-my-mate-you-pervert Kick!” The loud bang! of Kevin’s feet impacting against Eric’s chest rang out abnormally loudly due to the bathroom’s acoustics. Seconds after being hit, Eric flew backwards with the speed of a cannonball. He blew right out the door and into the hall, crashing into the wall before crumpling onto his backside with a heavy thud. “Ow.” He got back up, surprisingly. “Oi! What the hell was that for, you―” was about as far as he got. “Finishing move! Combustion of Manly Souls Uppercut!” Eric’s head jerked upwards, his teeth clacking together and his face scrunching up in stunned agony. His feet left the ground by at least a foot. Meanwhile, his spine curved painfully, traveling in the direction that the momentum of Kevin’s fist took him. Seconds later, Eric Corrompere lay on the ground, dead to the world around him. Standing above the prone pervert’s form, Kevin took several heavy breaths, his right fist still raised above his head. “Whoo! Now that’s what I like to see! Take it off!” With movements that were almost mechanical, Kevin turned to see four sexy vixens standing several yards down the hall, each one wearing a vastly different expression. Kotohime looked”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“I need to calm down before I regret something. I know! Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Eric’s dad in a speedo. U-ugh, I think I just permanently scarred myself!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Lilian?” Kevin needed a moment to register that, indeed, Lilian was standing before him. “What are you doing here? I thought you were taking a bath with the others.” “I was going to,” Lilian admitted, “but then I realized that my mate and I haven’t been able to spend much time alone together because my family kept getting in the way, and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for us to bond.” “Bond?” He studied the girl, and eventually realized that she wasn’t looking at his face. Feeling a sense of unease growing in the pit of his stomach, Kevin looked down. His face grew red. He let out a loud “eep!” and tried to cover himself with his hands. “Ufufufu,” Lilian chuckled. “You’re still too cute when you get embarrassed like that.” Kevin tried to glare at her, but the blush on his face lessened the effect. “It’s got nothing to do with being embarrassed and everything to do with common decency,” he insisted, lying through his teeth. “Most people don’t stand around in the nude while someone else is present, not even if they’re dating that person.” “Most people aren’t mated to a kitsune.” “Ugh…” She had him there. “Kevin” Lilian’s eyes were warm and so incredibly earnest that Kevin was unable to look away, “you are my mate; the person I love more than anyone else in this world.” Delicate hands reached up and cupped his face. “This isn’t some random person wanting to see you naked. This is me, your mate, who wants to become more intimate with you. If it helps, I promise not to touch anything below the belt.” Staring at the girl with an uncomprehending gaze, Kevin’s mind became a warzone, a battle the likes of which no one had ever seen before—mostly because it was all happening in his mind. *** The desolate wasteland spread out for miles, its borders traveling far beyond the distant horizon. Cracks traversed the ground like a myriad system of interconnecting spiderwebs. There was no flora or fauna in this wasteland. It was the perfect place… for war. Two forces stood on opposite ends of each other, armies of nearly equal might. Multi-segmented plates clicked together as figures moved and jostled each other. Horned helms adorned the many heads, their faceplates masking their identities. Hands gripped massive halberds with leaf-shaped blades that gleamed like a thousand suns. The army on the northern border wore white armor, while those in the southern quadrant wore red. A moment of silence swept through the clearing. A tumbleweed rolled across the ground. It was the unspoken signal for the battle to start, and the two forces rushed in toward the center, yelling out their battle cries. “For Lilian!!” “For chastity!!” Thunder struck the earth as these two titanic armies fought. Bodies were thrown into the air with impunity. Halberds clashed, the sound of metal on metal, steel ringing against steel, rang out in a symphony of chaos. Sparks flew and shouts accompanied the maelstrom of combat. It was, indeed, a battle worthy of being placed within the annals of history. A third party soon entered the fray. From one of the many cliffs surrounding the battlefield, an army appeared. Unlike the two forces duking it out down below, this army was bereft of nearly all their clothes. Wearing nothing but simple loincloths and bandoleers similar to Tarzan’s, the group of individuals looked identical. Messy blond hair framed bright blue eyes that glared down at the battlefield. With nary a thought, this force surged down the cliff, their own battle cry echoing across the land. “DEATH TO THE CHERRY!!” And so more chaos was unleashed upon the battlefield. ***”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Kevin sighed and resisted the urge to facepalm. He knew what was coming next. “Boobies, here I come!” Kevin was running almost before Eric could even bolt for the door. He stretched out his left hand― “You can see some boobs… in hell!” ―and used it to clothesline Eric. The licentious teenager crashed into the ground with a harsh thud. Dark eyes bulged in asphyxiated agony, as his hands went to his throat, from which the sounds of hacking and wheezing emerged like the ribbets of a bull frog. Kevin clapped his hands together. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” he admitted, smiling. The smile left, replaced by a stern expression. “Eric, this is a law from your lord.” Eric stopped choking. “You will not peep on those girls. To do so is a sin against your lord, and I will not stand for it. Do you understand?” Eric nodded. “Good.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“I’m fine!” Christine snapped before calming herself. “I wanted to―I needed―I, ah, um… what I mean is… I-want-your-babies!” A stiff breeze blew through the now silent clearing. A tumbleweed rolled between Kevin and Christine. Kevin tracked the tumbleweed until it rolled out of sight, and then turned back to Christine. Um, what?” Kevin looked dumbfounded. “Ne,” Iris leaned into Lilian’s ear again, “what’s up with tsun-tsun over there? She looks like an ice cube.” “Just wait for it,” Lilian whispered back. “Um, Christine, can you repeat that?” Kevin rubbed the back of his head. “I didn’t quite catch that?” It took Christine exactly 2.6 seconds to register her own words. It took another 2.6 seconds to comprehend them. Exactly six seconds after that, Christine’s face exploded with color as steam poured out of her ears. Tsundere protocols: activated. “Y-y-y-you… how dare you, ya damn beast!” Kevin’s eyes widened fractionally. “What—Gu!” He then received a brutal headbutt to the face, which sent him sprawling to the ground. “Y-y-you stupid, IDIOT!” “Holy crap!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Lilian leaned in and pressed her lips against his. Kevin accepted the kiss, welcomed it even—despite the fact that they were in public and it was kind of embarrassing. He was beginning to get used to her public displays of affection. “Huhuhu.” Heather giggled in a most perverse manner. “Eric was right. This kid is solid gold! Gold, I tell you! Huhuhu! Camellia expressed her confusion at the lecherous woman’s words in the only way she knew how. “Hawa?” Exactly.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Um… mercy?” In response to his words, Kirihime pulled a knife out of her Extra Dimensional Storage Space. It was a really big knife. A really, really big knife. And it had serrated edges. Eric whimpered.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Wow….” Lilian whispered. “It’s so big.” “That’s what she said―ouch!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Tee-hee!”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Kevin might have been fast when it came to running track, but that meant nothing when he couldn’t make use of that speed. He was used to moving linearly, not weaving around punches and kicks like a monkey on crack.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Lilian was much more vocal in her thoughts. “I think that was the hottest thing you’ve ever said in this series. Ever.” “Uh…” Kevin blushed. “Thank you?” Sarcasm, the hottest thing since Scarlett Johansson played Black Widow.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“Kevin muttered, doing what he could to regain his wits, what little he had. “So, you guys are Lilian’s family, then?” “No. We’re Lilian’s fairy godparents.” Iris’ sarcastic reply was met with a glare from Lilian and Kevin. “Y-yes, we’re Lilian’s family,” Camellia tried to play the diplomat. “The girl with black hair is Camellia’s daughter, Iris, and the person next to Camellia is Camellia’s maid, Kirihime.” “Uh huh…” Kevin eyed the kitsune strangely. “And I’m guessing that makes you Camellia?” “H-hawa?” Camellia seemed startled. “That’s right. How did you know?” “Lucky guess,” Kevin said, his voice dryer than a desert. Lilian and Iris facepalmed at the same time.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“IF YOU PEOPLE DON’T WANNA GET FLATTENED, YOU’D BETTER MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!” The entire male track team looked behind them to see Eric and…was that Heather Grant? Yes, it was. Their new PE assistant coach was also running down the hallway, and there was a large cloud of what looked like dust chasing after them. Everyone present jumped away, their backs pressing against the wall, just as the two ran past them. “There they are!” “Get them!” “Hurry up! Don’t let them get away!” “Come back here, you stupid perverts!” “I can’t believe we trusted you!” “KILL THEM!!!” Before anyone could even think about relaxing, the track team was forced back against the wall as a horde of outraged teenage girls rushed by. Several drops of sweat rolled down Kevin’s face as he noticed that every girl was carrying some kind of household appliance: a broom, a mop, a rake, a strange pole thing, and… “Holy shit! Is that chick carrying a claymore?!” Kevin nearly did a double take when he saw that one of the girls rushing past them was, indeed, carrying a claymore: a two-handed longsword with a cross hilt of forward-sloping quillons with quatrefoil terminations. The weapon was gigantic, literally a foot or so longer than the girl was tall.”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“No, not just staring at them. The other students were giving them wide-eyed looks of incomprehensible shock, as if they had walked into class wearing matching green spandex, orange leg-warmers, were sporting a bowl-cut hair style, and shouting about their “flames of youth.” “That was a terrible anime reference.” … Sorry. “It’s fine, but please don’t do it again.” … Okay. “Lilian…”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lilian’s eyes glowed a bright green as she cast an enchantment on the pale-skinned teacher. “I have not corrupted Mr. Swift at all.” Ms. Vis’ eyes became dull and lifeless. “You have not corrupted Mr. Swift at all…” “In fact, I have been doing all I can to educate him on all of the important issues he needs to know.” “You have been educating him on important issues…” “Now, you will let us sit down and continue your lesson as if we were never late.” “Go sit down. I need to continue my lesson…” “Oh! And by the way…” Ms. Vis, who had turned around, looked back at Lilian, who waved her hand in a vaguely mysterious fashion. “These are not the droids you’re looking for.” A pause. “These are not the droids I’m looking for…”
― Brandon Varnell, A Fox's Family