But I Came by Ambulance! Quotes

“This beautiful, slender German Shepherd with erect ears and a cold glare stood at attention, awaiting the order. I watched the canine's handler.  The man's lips moved ever-so-slightly, and the dog was off.  EMS was going wild.  They'd apparently never seen the K9 unit in action, either.  I glanced over to the waiting room, and I swear, every last person stood with their noses pressed against the windows. When I looked back outside, the police dog was dangling from the woman's forearm.  Even then, she continued to move around and yell.  She refused to drop her handbag and swatted at the dog's head. I'm pretty sure we were all rooting for the dog. The”
― Kerry Hamm, But I Came by Ambulance!: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER

“Man got mad because he tripped over his wife's exercise ball and spilled scalding coffee on his lap. Man grabbed a golf club and tried to pop the exercise ball by beating it to death. Man was knocked out cold when the golf club bounced off the ball and hit him in the head. Exercise ball: 2.  Man: 0.”
― Kerry Hamm, But I Came by Ambulance!: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER

“We hear a lot of stories that don't make the best sense. An example of this is the patient with a chief complaint of 'decided to take flashlight in shower with me, slipped, and now can't get the flashlight out of my butt.”                         Make”
― Kerry Hamm, But I Came by Ambulance!: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER

“I used your vibrator to try anal, and—.” Mom interrupted, “You did what?  Are you kidding me?  Are you freaking kidding me right now?” “I just wanted to try it,” the patient yelled.  She was near tears again. “So why are you here?” mom asked.  “Did you tear or something?” The girl shook her head. “Then what happened?” “It got stuck.  Now I can feel it right here,” she said, touching her fingertips to her lower abdomen. Mom walked to the patient's bed and placed her hand where the patient had touched. “I can feel it,” mom exclaimed.  “It's still on?  I can feel it.” Yeah.  The vibrator was still on.  It also traveled so far that it was lodged in the patient's colon, which meant it had to be removed surgically. Surprisingly,”
― Kerry Hamm, But I Came by Ambulance!: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER

“I am a nurse,” she retorted.  “I am not a gopher.” “You are a nurse,” the supervisor yelled, “and you are whatever you have to be to try to save lives!”
― Kerry Hamm, But I Came by Ambulance!: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER

“We hear a lot of stories that don't make the best sense. An example of this is the patient with a chief complaint of 'decided to take flashlight in shower with me, slipped, and now can't get the flashlight out of my butt.”
― Kerry Hamm, But I Came by Ambulance!: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER