You Called 9-1-1 For This? Quotes

“Background Woman: Johnny what are you doing?! Caller: The policeman’s helping me with my math. Background Woman: What did I tell you about playing on the phone? Operator: It’s the mother… Caller: You said if I need help to call somebody. Background Woman: I didn’t mean the police”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Well come on bring your breathalyzer and everything! I am ready!”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Operator: Okay sir, can you give me your address? Caller: Uh yeah, we’re at 1825 Eucalyptus Drive. Operator: Okay can you spell that for me sir? Caller: Uh… I’m a gonna drag her on over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“If your child calls 9-1-1 by accident, don’t hang up. The call has already connected to the system even if the operator hasn’t answered yet. In all likelihood it will prompt at least a call back or even a response because it will be logged as an Unknown Condition. Stay on the line and explain to the operator that the call was an accident.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Operator: It’s the mother… Caller: You said if I need help to call somebody. Background Woman: I didn’t mean the police!”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Caller: I don’t know, he look like one of Jesus children. Sheriff’s Office Dispatcher: He looked what? Like what?? Caller: One of JESUS CHILDREN.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Fire/Rescue Dispatcher: …Ok and what’s going on there? Caller: That shit happened yesterday an you mutha f**kas tried to put my ass in jail.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running… from the… police.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Operator: 9-1-1 what’s your emergency? Caller: Yeah uh, my wife got attacked by a warthog real bad and I need someone to come up with an ambulance and pick her up.  Operator: Okay sir, can you give me your address? Caller: Uh yeah, we’re at 1825 Eucalyptus Drive. Operator: Okay can you spell that for me sir? Caller: Uh… I’m a gonna drag her on over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“Operator: 9-1-1, what’s the location of your emergency? Caller: Eh, let’s not get into that yet. I have a question Operator: Is this an emergency sir? Caller: It depends Operator: Well… Caller: Not really Operator: If it’s not an emergency you don’t call 9-1-1 sir Caller: Well well I have a question, a legal question Operator: It’s not a, is this an emergency? Caller: I… I don’t know what that means Operator: Is it life threatening? Or an active crime in progress? Caller: Crime in progress… possibly Operator: What’s going on? Caller: I was just growing some marijuana, I was wondering what the… you know, how much trouble you can get into for one plant Operator: You’re growing marijuana and you want to know how much trouble? Depends on how big the plant is Caller: It’s only a seedling Operator: Well, possession Caller: Okay Operator: You can get pinched for a roach in a car Caller: Okay. Alright, thanks for the info Operator: You’re welcome Caller: Goodbye Operator: Goodbye, see you soon Caller: Huh?”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?

“I ain’t got no god damn, I don’t live in no god damn apartment! I live in a town house mudda f**ka!”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For This?