Razor Girl Quotes

“Buck stared incredulously. “This is the first time you ever fired a gun? And you live in Florida?”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“In his love life Yancy specialized in devising scenarios that could lead only to unwise decisions.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Not my circus, not my monkey.” Yancy”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Buck had lobbied for a banjo player but Lane said they cost too much, which made no fucking sense to Buck because a banjo’s got fewer strings than a damn guitar.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Her given name was Lucinda but she’d called herself Juveline since age fifteen, when she’d been caught selling knockoff Burberry totes and a cop at the booking desk misspelled the word “juvenile.” Big”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“the mongoose had been Tased, with unsatisfactory results.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“When Yancy arrived, Sonny Summers was at a two-top morosely scanning the menu. “What looks good?” Yancy joked. “The door.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Merry sighed. “Once again, Andrew, you’ve opened my eyes. To what, I’m not sure.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Somewhere Blister came up with boat rope and duct tape. He bound and gagged Yancy before sliding him under a bed. Yancy was impressed by the cleanliness of the floor—not even a dust bunny. The polished pine planks felt cool against his cheek. He shut his eyes and strained to hear the conversation of the carping fuckwits in the adjoining room.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Buck got walloped by flying fists and Budweiser bottles, and at one point a man costumed as Lady Gaga attempted to rip the beard from his chin. The man was surprisingly strong, and wore just enough jasmine perfume to be distracting.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Soon enough it was explained to Buck Nance that Key West was a bad location to be making fun of homosexuals, and also African-Americans. This bulletin was delivered by a 275-pound biker who happened to be both gay and black, and owned a right hand that fit easily around Buck's stringy, hirsute neck.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Despite the meatiness of his fingers, Dominick showed himself to be a nimble texter.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Don’t order the fish,” Yancy advised Merry when they sat down. “But it’s a seafood joint.” “More like a petri dish with menus. When they say ‘catch of the day,’ they mean infection.” Brennan”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Buck’s girlfriend went by the porny name of Miracle though she had a master’s in computer science from Florida State.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“It occurred to Yancy that, in the time they’d known each other, he hadn’t once seen her look at her cell phone. She never texted, tweeted, Facebooked, Instagrammed, or posted a single picture when they were together. He found this behavior alluring. The”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“The young woman came out from behind the podium and dubiously studied the dog. “His vest doesn’t even fit. Do you have some documentation?”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Well, guess what? This is Florida, the land of batshit, trigger-happy motherfuckers. Love it or leave it is what I say.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Buck Nance appeared ashen and deflated, for good reason; Blister was his creation, the ultimate white-trash nightmare.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Rick noticed that the man who’d overpowered them was tall though not very muscle-bound. He wondered how such a routine dude could have hit them so hard. Possibly the man was high on crystal meth or bath salts. That’s what Rick intended to tell his friends at the gym, when they asked what the fuck had happened to his face.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Don’t order the fish,” Yancy advised Merry when they sat down. “But it’s a seafood joint.” “More like a petri dish with menus.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Meanwhile try not to think about you and me in the shower together, all slick and soapy. Not that I’d ever let that happen, but just try not to think about it.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Merry whistled. “This parallel universe of yours, Andrew, I love it.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Merry’s hair was flying everywhere so she pulled it into a ponytail. It occurred to Yancy that, in the time they’d known each other, he hadn’t once seen her look at her cell phone. She never texted, tweeted, Facebooked, Instagrammed, or posted a single picture when they were together. He found this behavior alluring.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“The whereabouts of the other Nance brothers-- Clee Roy, Buddy, and Junior--had been ascertained. They were chilling at the forty-acre Pensacola estate leased by the network and used as an outdoor set for the fractious family barbecue scenes that closed each episode. Down the road a stretch was the rooster farm, which the clan avoided except during taping days, because of the stench.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“The writers had decided that Buck Nance's brothers should refer to him as 'Captain Cock' when quarreling on the show, and inevitably the sleeveless t-shirt bearing that nickname became the top seller of all Bayou Brethren merchandise.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Yancy asked to see the credit card receipt for their meal. It was signed by Lane Coolman, Buck Nance's agent/manager/ass-wiper.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“The hostess remembered three customers arriving in a black SUV the night before. One of the men, skinny but rough-looking, became belligerent because the restaurant served only beer and wine. The hostess said the loudmouth got wasted on sake and started tossing spring rolls in the air, trying to catch them in his mouth.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“The pilot episode of Bayou Brethren was a major disappointment, the visual appeal of high-def hog shit having been overestimated by a network vice president who was summarily promoted to a more harmless position. The new network vice president in charge of the project felt the brothers needed a more esoteric vocation to distract from their unappealing personalities, a view shared by potential advertisers who had screened the off-putting pilot.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Wild chickens were roaming all over the streets.
'Your pal ought to feel right at home,' Merry said.
'You kidding? He hates the damn things. Says they're filthy and crawling with lice.'
'Chickens get lice?'
Coolman said, 'I work hard not to think about it.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl

“Buck Nance used Lane Coolman's phone to call Krystal. 'Baby, I'm coming home soon,' he said.
'Who's this?'
'Aw, don't be like that.'
'Wait... now I remember," said his wife. 'You're the scumbag husband who keeps a whore on the side.'
'She's just another stalker. I swear to Christ.'
'Is Miracle her real name or is that what her pimp tagged her with?'
'She's a total psycho, Krystal. You can't believe a word she-'
The line went dead.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Razor Girl